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Partner looking at pictures of OW

(23 Posts)
Pollyjean85 Tue 23-Jan-18 08:33:36

Have namechanged for this.

Partner cheated on me almost two years ago. Stayed together for the children. everything has been going well but I still struggle every so often with what happened.

As part of getting back together, contact had to be cut with OW and also the mutual friend of theirs who introduced them. This is because mutual friend is OW best friend and partner would get contact from OW via mutual friends social media accounts.

Emailed partner a bill today and he logged into his emails in front of me so we could sort out the payment. Mutual friends name on email list multiple times. Not only has he been receiving emails from her, they are all blog posts from her and OW blog as they holiday together around South East Asia. All had been opened and link clicked on. Refusing to show me phone to see if there have been any other conversations (so I assume there has been although this may be incorrect).

This is final straw for me. I don't know whether mutual friend sent of own accord or if OW has been part of it. But I don't really care. After the hell we went through after he cheated, why does he need to be looking at pictures of her?

I've asked him to leave as I think this just shows his blatant disregard for our relationship is clearly still there. He's obviously enjoying the wee ego stroke that she clearly still wants to be contact with him too. Am I making the right decision or over reacting?

OakIsBetterTho Tue 23-Jan-18 08:35:52

You're making the right decision. You weren't asking for much from him and he can't even respect you enough to stick to not speaking to mutual friend or OW. I'm sorry OP, what a twat he is.

ShatnersWig Tue 23-Jan-18 08:41:23

Right decision.

Wrong decision would be allowing him to come back other than to collect his possessions.

Do not take him back under any circumstances. You gave him a chance - more than most would have done - and he blew it.

Fitbitironic Tue 23-Jan-18 08:43:11

You're making the right decision. If he can't even resist looking at emails/pics, how's he going to resist if she wants to rekindle things? He kept them secret. Who knows what else he'd want to hide.

lostcountoftheways Tue 23-Jan-18 08:45:21

I think if you let him back yet again then another two years down the line you will find things that he's done again, why waste your time with him?
Find yourself someone worthy of you.
If he is still looking at others photos then obviously he wants something or sompem else too, let him go, hes the one losing out.

Idontdowindows Tue 23-Jan-18 08:46:19

Right decision. He blew his chance.

You deserve so much better.

drainsup Tue 23-Jan-18 08:47:51

It's the double emotional blow. You have to get past so much only to end up feeling like this. You've given it your best shot. Now time to grieve and plan a life for YOU xx

PositivelyPERF Tue 23-Jan-18 09:05:06

The cheating is bad enough but this would almost hurt me more, because it shows such a lack of respect to your feelings. He’s still getting that thrill of doing something sleazy behind your back. It’s revolting behaviour. If you have a joint account get your money out now, before he clears it, because he will as he’s already shown that his needs come first. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Pollyjean85 Tue 23-Jan-18 09:06:24

Just feel sick now. Has bought everything back. Thought I had got over my compulsive need to check his phone and I had made a real effort not to as unhealthy when I decided to stay with him. Turns out as soon as he thought he could get away with it, back in contact. Phone locked down with a passcode again now so there must be something more he has hidden on it.

It feels like the last 18 months have been completely pointless and we have put ourselves through so much more pain then was necessary. He knew contact was a non-negotiable so maybe he has allowed this contact as he wants me to the bad guy and break up the family without it being the big deal of him cheating. Why did he even bother to try if he wants to be in contact with her?

Fitbitironic Tue 23-Jan-18 09:09:45

He knew contact was a non-negotiable so maybe he has allowed this contact as he wants me to the bad guy and break up the family without it being the big deal of him cheating.
You don't have to hide this though, do you. Make sure everyone knows what a lying twat he is, and exactly why you're breaking up.

PositivelyPERF Tue 23-Jan-18 09:10:04

It does sound as if he has a lot more to hide. He’s an arse hope. Do you have anyone in RL to talk to, OP? I hope you have someone to support you.

expatinscotland Tue 23-Jan-18 09:12:56

You are making the right decision. Make sure everyone knows it's due to cheating so you're not made out to be the bad guy. I think he's still well in contact with her.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 23-Jan-18 09:19:08

It feels like the last 18 months have been completely pointless
I always think staying and working on things is the far harder path to follow.
I couldn't do it but respect anyone who does try.
It wasn't pointless.
You can hold your head high and say that you gave it your all.
That your 'D'H broke his promises and broke your trust yet again.
Please tell people in RL and get some support around you.
This is going to be hell at first.
You'll need all the help you can get.
Keep busy and look after yourself!

FizzyGreenWater Tue 23-Jan-18 09:37:02

Right decision.

As for the last 18 months - look at it this way. You'll never make this mistake again. You've gone through it, come out stronger, and know where your boundaries are for the best possible reason - you tried to stay with a cheat and you know full well that it's a hiding to nothing. Not a great life experience, but a valuable one.

Pack up his stuff and get him out of your life.

rainbowlou Tue 23-Jan-18 10:00:09

you have definitely made the right decision, that level of betrayal after hurting you the first time is awful.
My story is very similar to yours, 2 years ago and he also cut off contact with her and their mutual friends. If I found out he was still in contact behind my back I would pack his things too.
Be strong and look after yourself flowers

SwinginFromTheChandelier Tue 23-Jan-18 10:12:53

What was his reaction to you asking him to leave?

You learnt to forgive and you moved on, he has broken your trust for good this time.

I've been in a similar position but he hasn't slipped up a second time. I'm not stupid though and unfortunately I've always got one eye open...

IrianOfW Tue 23-Jan-18 10:58:51

Right decision. 100%

SandyY2K Tue 23-Jan-18 11:15:21

Right decision. Definitely.

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin Tue 23-Jan-18 11:22:34

Right decision definitely. You will never be able to trust him again and he should have counted himself very lucky indeed you wanted to give it another go with him at all! You weren’t asking much at all to cut contact with all of them.

LemonSqueezy0 Tue 23-Jan-18 20:27:05

What a knob he is... You can now walk away knowing that you did everything possible to make it work, went above and beyond actually. He's an idiot and has betrayed you knowing what that cost would be. Don't let him off; you are worth more.

Cricrichan Tue 23-Jan-18 23:36:53

Don't worry about the 18 months, at least you know you've tried so you won't be left wondering.

Mrstobe90 Tue 23-Jan-18 23:47:10

You've made completely the right decision!

He's completely disrespected you and is continuing to do so.
I've been in the position you're in and I can promise you that he will never change. You can give them as many chances as you want but it'll always come back to this.

Walk away with your dignity and don't let him sway your decision.

If he's being possessive of his phone, he is definitely hiding something. If he loved you like he should, he wouldn't have done any of this.

You will move on from this but it will take time! find a good support network, give yourself time to grieve and most importantly, take good care of yourself!

petbear Tue 23-Jan-18 23:53:14

What a c*nt. You deserve better. Sorry you have been treated this way.

Be happy from now on! flowers

Oh and YES you are doing the right thing binning the bastard!!!

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