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What is happening

(34 Posts)
Calforniadreaming Mon 22-Jan-18 09:44:57

After asking for one of my posts to be deleted I’m writing under a different name. Hopefully some of you will know what that post was. My original concerns were about my husband who is obsessive and possiessive over me. (I’m not writing details exactly of the previous concerns)
My husband seems to know about the conversations on here as after I looked in his phone this morning (due to evidence on my part) He’s Deleted all photos (recent ones) he screen shot off my social media accounts and he’s also deleted the conversations he had recorded (written word for word down).
How has he found out I’ve written on here? I’ve never ever written on forums like this before. I haven’t openly spoken about mumsnet ever. As I’ve only just joined. He would never delete photos so why has he done this? I haven’t spoke to anyone about our problems and apart from being a bit quiet at home I haven’t said anything to him about my concerns. I dont know what to do......

GruffaloPants Mon 22-Jan-18 09:47:08

Well he's invading your privacy somehow - key loggers, programmes, miniature cameras, recording devices... Do the means matter? Do you want to be married to someone who does this?

DotCottonDotCom Mon 22-Jan-18 09:51:37

Regardless of your name change, whatever method he was using to track you will be unaffected - he will too see this. It's likely to be keylogging type stuff, or your internet history is being watched via an apple or google account.

Besides this, what kind of fucking man does this? Maybe he could participate and let us know, eh?

Calforniadreaming Mon 22-Jan-18 09:55:07

Oh yes I’m very aware if he could see my last post he can see this. I’m hoping he’ll see the comments and realise what the hell hes doing.
I just don’t understand how he’s done it? I’m furious my privacy has been violated
I feel sick.

Calforniadreaming Mon 22-Jan-18 09:55:55

I think the means matter so I have evidence and can take this further.

Notasperfectasallothermners Mon 22-Jan-18 09:59:50

California's dh - you are a total douche bag.

Myheartbelongsto Mon 22-Jan-18 10:04:21

My ex husband started a thread about me once. Every single person screamed I was a prostitute!

Massive invasion of your privacy op. Will he use what's written here as a stick to beat you with?

DotCottonDotCom Mon 22-Jan-18 10:08:20

In that case theres no point in playing games, we could all call him an arse but at the end of the day when the thread is said and done, its you that has to deal with the repercussions of your abusive DH.

LTB. Honestly.

GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz Mon 22-Jan-18 11:13:35

What are you going to do about this OP? Its really quite scary

Thebluedog Mon 22-Jan-18 11:17:50

Regardless of how he’s doing it, he’s doing it. Another good reason to bin the idiot.

ravenmum Mon 22-Jan-18 11:19:54

Key loggers are a piece of software he could install on your computer so that every time you type something, it records that text in a separate file that he can read later. This site suggests how to see of one is installed:

The mere fact that he knows what you wrote is enough to prove that he is not to be trusted, though - you don't really need to do any further research into how exactly he has been spying on you. His unexplained knowledge alone tells you that he is behaving in an unnervingly obsessive, possibly jealous manner. I hope you are not putting yourself in any danger by posting this and making him aware that you know he is acting disturbingly.

Cadence70 Mon 22-Jan-18 11:21:22

I read your previous thread, please please get out of this joke of a relationship
He very clearly has some mental health problems, no one normal behaves like tips
All this recording of stuff is insane, he's obviously looking for a stick to beat you with and in his mind this is all "evidence"
He needs proper help and it's not your problem to solve
This will not get better, it will get worse and he will get more and more manipulative, be prepared for tears etc when he realises you won't put up with this anymore

Thinkingofausername1 Mon 22-Jan-18 11:38:26

Oh gosh. You can't be in a relationship like this. You need to leave. Have you got any trusted friends, that can help you see a solicitor without him finding out?

hellsbellsmelons Mon 22-Jan-18 11:40:58

I think the means matter so I have evidence and can take this further
Why do you need evidence?
You don't need anything to end a relationship other than the want to do it.
You could send yourself insane trying to find out how he's done it.
I would assume if it's screenshots he has a keylogger installed.
If not then it could be hidden cameras.
Has he installed any plug sockets or light fittings or obtained a new pen or anything recently? Even a coathook!
They can be very well hidden.
But fuck him.
You don't need any proof.
Your dickhead of a husband invades your privacy. Is controlling and in turn abusive.
That's all you need to end the relationship.
Can you imagine have to live even the next month of your life like this.
Let-a-lone the next year or decade.
Do yourself a massive favour and take back control of your own life!

THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
RUN... DON'T WALK!!!!!!!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Mon 22-Jan-18 11:46:43

My XH did this, but I think he had checked my username as I wasn't logged out. That's one of many reasons he is an X. And yes, there were MH issues, as well as being an arsehole.

ObscuredbyFog Mon 22-Jan-18 12:01:10

He has serious mental health problems and an obsessive need to want to control every part of your life.

Because this is not a normal thing for any man to want and there's no other way he can find out what you do when you're not in his presence, he is spying on you. Even worse than that, he is recording everything you do.

This is all the evidence you need and it shows he has very serious mental problems.

He does need help with his irrational obsessions but that has to come from trained professionals who can understand his warped view of a relationship.

In his mind, all the usual behaviours which make up a relationship like trust, kindness and love are warped into suspicion, control and possession.

Get out OP, get out. Ignore anything he says, just get out.

Calforniadreaming Mon 22-Jan-18 14:54:21

He doesn’t do any kind of DIY in the house I do it’s all. So can’t see him putting devices anywhere. He’s not great with technology.
Also I can’t see him using keylogger as we only use the computer for homework and practical stuff. I use my phone for everything. Even my business is done via my phone:
I feel like I’m going mad at the moment

Lefty1 Mon 22-Jan-18 15:08:54

Is he the type of person to contact a detective agency ? If so some agencies will walk a client through how to install spyware on a mobile , it really is as easy as downloading an app. I think there is something you can do to ascertain if there was / is spyware on your phone , maybe worth googling... xx

Jayne35 Mon 22-Jan-18 15:45:23

With a normal router you can check websites visited but only if you log in to the router and block a website, any one. Then it lists the websites accessed on the Wifi. Doesn't work on a Virgin superhub though. So maybe he is monitoring the Wifi.

Whatever it's out of order spying on you and screenshotting your accounts. A possessive person is hellish to be in a relationship with so seriously re think if you want to be married to him.

ravenmum Mon 22-Jan-18 15:50:08

There are keyloggers for Android phones too, a quick Google search tells me. Or maybe your phone browser is linked to your Google account and he knows the password? He could get to your "visited pages" that way.
The thing is, though, it is not up to you to prove how he did it. Him having unexplained information tells you all you need to know - that he snooped. If anything, if proof was needed, it would be up to him to explain how else he got that information, if not from snooping.

Calforniadreaming Mon 22-Jan-18 16:02:51

Yes I was aware you could check websites visited via a router.
Really says something about someone that would do that though? I mean who are the kind of people that do that kind of stuff? Plus spy technology? It seems im living with one of those people. Beyond belief
I was thinking that I could present the proof to him when I finally tell him what I know.
I wanted to be sure I knew all the facts etc...
But to be honest at this point I have no energy to look into it anymore. I’m just absolutely exhausted

category12 Mon 22-Jan-18 16:16:19

If he's not techy, then it's going to be something as simple as you left yourself logged on or he knows your password to the email you used to join. I expect he knows your passwords.

But if he's techy enough with social media etc, he can probably google keyloggers and how to set them up the same as we could.

category12 Mon 22-Jan-18 16:23:32

Change your passwords on everything and change usernames after that.

Calforniadreaming Mon 22-Jan-18 16:42:08

Thank you

I’ve done that plus changed my iCloud and Apple passwords

category12 Mon 22-Jan-18 17:06:48

Make sure that you use the option to "log out of all devices" so that if he's logged in as you on something, he gets logged out automatically and would have to enter the new passwords.

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