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Its happened and now I'm scared.

(195 Posts)
1DAD2KIDS Sun 21-Jan-18 19:17:40

So anyone who knows me on here knows I was dating a wonderful lady but lack of free time and just a feeling of something missing. Anyway we broke up, she sent me a text basically saying everthing I was thinking. I told her I felt exactly the same. So we shared our mutrual appreciation for each other, said we'd keep in touch and said our goodbyes. As break ups go it was a very pleasant one.

Anyway I decided (based mainly on the problem of not having time for a relationship) to go back to causal relations. So back in the internet I went because a couple of my previous FWB have since entered relationships. I got talking to someone and what happen next was totally unexpected.

We got chatting, it was going well and we rang each other. It just flowed so well. We talked from about 12am to 7.30am. I don't think I ever talked to someone for over 7hrs on the phone before. We had a daytime social meet just to see if would click. It didnt work like that. We hit it off and things were amazing. Honestly had one of the hottest and funniest days of my life. The more we talk the more we both realise we have so much in common. The connection is amazing. I have always felt a bit lonely in a lot of relationships. I felt that it was unrealistic to find a woman totally on my wave length. And that (as I sort of knew) like with my last girlfriend i think has been the problem with others, great women but just that something missing. There is sometime different about her, for the first time (since my ex wife) I am actually feeling, something strong. Something that I thought was dead to me and would never return. I feel like a giddy love sick teenager. We talk every day. I have never been compelled to do that with any of the women I have dated. We can just talk for hours and it feels so natural. She is just on my level and it feels amazing.

So here's the danger and why I'm scared. One I am opening me up my self up to hurt. After all we have started of on a non exclusive FWB basis. From her side of the camp the messages seem to be the the same. She has stated that I am her priority. Like I say it's not exclusive and after years of Marrige she is using the oppertunity to explore Bi-curios feelings. I have no problems with this or open relationships. We are both very liberal in that way and I am not the posesive type. In away this works very well for me because I don't have to the time to give her sole attention she requires and I would not want to hold her back from exploring sexual desires after years of marriage. I don't want to change that or hold each other back from exploring. But I feel I want something more. Dare I say a relationship, all be it an unconventional open and fairly distanced (in terms of oppertunity to physically be with each other). The signals I think are the same from her. For example she asked me if it was ok if she went to meet a woman that shed arranged before we met. I said ok, I genuinely want her to be free, liberated and explore. But I did see that this as another sign that she may already see me not just as a causal sex thing.

So basically I'm a scared because feeling this way about her has come totally out the blue. Honestly I feel sometime really different about her, like she is what I have been looking for. Also scared because it could all come crashing down. So where do I take it from here? Dare I risk formalising the what I think is going on unofficially? I know she is is important because I am scared.

eddielizzard Sun 21-Jan-18 19:31:07

how long has it been?

i would see how it pans out. there's nothing 'to do', just carry on enjoying your time together and see where it leads. it'll become apparent soon what her long term expectations are, and you may change your mind. i don't see any reason to start talking about 'where it's going' yet - too heavy! go with the flow for a while.

Golddustsilverspring Sun 21-Jan-18 19:34:28

I'd be very careful to be honest.

Getting involved with someone soon after a mutual breakup may be a sign of just delaying your grief for that relationship.

It's likely that you're overestimating the connection. At least that's what I have experienced.

1DAD2KIDS Sun 21-Jan-18 19:34:56

eddielizzard this the stupid thing, it's only been a couple of weeks and we have only met physically once (due to my lack of free time). But there is something about her and she is mutually as keen to talk to me all the time. We have so much in common it's scary. I really dont know what's come over me, it's not normal. I feel so daft but it is how I feel.

Lifeisabeach09 Sun 21-Jan-18 19:35:15

Take a chill pill.
You are, greatly, overthinking all this and, probably, need to lower the intensity a notch.
Let things develop on their own without formalising anything or having any of those next level conversations.
There is no rush.
Just continue to show interest and invite lady out on dates. Regular contact. Enjoy the time together. Things will develop on their own organically.
Just my two cents!

Lifeisabeach09 Sun 21-Jan-18 19:37:15

As you've only met once, definitely lower the intensity. And increase your exposure to said lady (when you can!)

1DAD2KIDS Sun 21-Jan-18 19:39:05

Golddustsilverspring the thing is all the people I've date since my ex wife I have not felt this way before. I am not grieving. I really liked and respected the woman I dated before but I just didn't feel for her if that makes sense? There has been something missing. I feel totally free to be my own mad self with this woman.

1DAD2KIDS Sun 21-Jan-18 19:39:55

Lifeisabeach09 I don't get it, it's not like me to fall for people like this.

AfterSchoolWorry Sun 21-Jan-18 19:40:07

Seven hours on the phone!!!??? shock

Did you have toilet breaks, meals?confused

1DAD2KIDS Sun 21-Jan-18 19:40:45

I'm playing cool on the surface, but inside I'm jumping up and down.

1DAD2KIDS Sun 21-Jan-18 19:41:37

AfterSchoolWorry That phone call was crazy, we just hit it off.

Bluedoglead Sun 21-Jan-18 19:42:15

See when you feel that awesome connection and talk for hours and hours, in my exoerience it never lasts. Not when you aren’t on the same page and seeing each other.

1DAD2KIDS Sun 21-Jan-18 19:43:08

AfterSchoolWorry I actually went to the toilet, so did she at some point. It's odd we just seemed instantly comfortable with each other.

YearOfYouRemember Sun 21-Jan-18 19:43:35

The night before dh and my first date we chatted for five hours. Been together 22 years now, married for 18.6 years.

YearOfYouRemember Sun 21-Jan-18 19:44:02

Met him three weeks after ending a two year plus relationship..

Lifeisabeach09 Sun 21-Jan-18 19:47:53

It's a serious infatuation or love at first sight. Who knows?!
But too soon to start getting serious, either way.
Key is that you've only met her once.
Hope you've got date 2 arranged.

1DAD2KIDS Sun 21-Jan-18 19:53:59

Lifeisabeach09 I don't know but it's bloody exciting and petrifiying at the same time. I don't want things to be serious. A am happy with the way they are flowing. But I just don't get were this feeling is coming from. Something in my head is saying is different, sometging special. It's hard to stay cool when if I'm honest I'm masivly excited.

loveyoutothemoon Sun 21-Jan-18 20:16:06

Go for it...tell her!!

Lifeisabeach09 Sun 21-Jan-18 20:32:56

OP, I feel it's lovely that you are this excited about this woman. Just don't scare away by getting too intense, too quickly. ;)
Enjoy the rush.

fantasmasgoria1 Sun 21-Jan-18 22:02:37

I have this, moved in after two months, engaged after four months very happy!

AFistfulOfDolores Sun 21-Jan-18 22:05:03

It's not real. That doesn't mean to say that it can't be, but it isn't.

Having said that, I think you've got to follow your bliss and do what you feel you must do, wherever that leads you.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Sun 21-Jan-18 22:12:03

I remember your last thread! Just try to enjoy the moment and don't rush things. Sounds lovely

FluffyWhiteTowels Mon 22-Jan-18 07:39:03

If you feel you can be yourself with her ... then be yourself!

Tell her how you feel, what you're thinking, your fears. It'll either end well or not. You can live in an emotional fridge or jump in.

Good luck

BackInTheRoom Mon 22-Jan-18 10:00:05

Please for you OP. However, it might be Limerence?

1DAD2KIDS Tue 23-Jan-18 08:05:47

Well talked for a few hours again last night and it scary how simular we. She is like a female me. We seem to be more on the same level than woman I have met. It wierd because it's made me realise the other people I was dating it's was like I was going through the motions but not actully feeling it if that makes sense?

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