I did the right thing didn’t I?

[Royalfuckup]

Finally ended it for good.

A couple of weeks ago, I drunk texted my ex that I loved him. Was mortified in the cold sober light of day and blocked/deleted his number.

Imagine my shock when I received an email from him asking me if I’d blocked/deleted as he wasn’t able to reply to my message. And that he loved me too!

Well, after the initial euphoria of getting back together, we found ourselves at square one again. I.e, I want commitment, he doesn’t want to get too serious -although he is prepared to be monogamous, he doesn’t want to have a “proper” relationship with all that it involves.

So, after a huge amount of soul-searching, I decided to end it.

It’s so hard because I do love him so much. But I’ve been reading “Mr Unavailable and the fallback girl” and I don’t want to be the fallback girl any more. I want to be available for the right man.

But a part of me wonders if I’m being too hasty. We’d been seeing each other for a year and is it too soon to ask for commitment?

Have I done the right thing to end the relationship?

[RandomMess]

he's not right for you so yes the best thing to do is end it.

[Thingsdogetbetter]

Yeap x 10!

When someone tells you who they are listen!

[ElephantsYeah]

He told you he loves you but isn't ready for commitment? I wouldn't go back, it seems he wants you back but on his terms and those terms aren't what you want (no commitment). Cut your losses and enjoy being single.

[calmandbright]

Absolutely! You've 100% done the right thing. Although it probably feels a bit shit now in the short term but long term it sounds like it's not going to work, and will open up a world of heartbreak. Well done for looking after your best interest, and be kind to yourself

[Royalfuckup]

Thanks for the votes of confidence. I’ve been very tearful all day but I do feel like it’s 100% the right decision.

Argh! Bloody heartbreak, how long does it take for it to go away and start feeling better? It feels so shit right now.

[Angelf1sh]

Definitely sounds like the right thing. He shouldn’t have come back to you saying he loved you if he knew he still wasn’t ready to commit. That’s just shitty. Oh and to him being “prepared to be monogamous”, how good of him!!

[KimmySchmidt1]

A year is not too soon to ask for commitment, good god! You definitely did the right thing. Being prepared to be monogamous is not some major deal, it’s the bare minimum you are entitled to expect. Bin him, he is unreliable and if he loved you properly he would be prepar d to commit. That’s the brutal truth. His loss.

[Royalfuckup]

I agree with every word Kimmy. Thank you.

[Booagain]

Better to be on the shelf than in the wrong cupboard!

[Royalfuckup]

He says his reluctance to commit is because we were actually friends for years before we finally got together. And he doesn’t understand why all of a sudden I want more when for years, it was me constantly knocking him back. He says he’s wary that it’s just a phase and that he’s protecting himself from being rejected again.

But that’s immature right? I can’t help but feel like it’s an excuse because when I finally agreed to go out on a “proper date” a year ago and gradually fell in love, he freaked out that I was finally available and can’t handle it.

As you say Kimmy, I can’t help but think that if he loved me properly, he’d want to commit.

[Skittlesandbeer]

Not sure without knowing what level of commitment you are after?

In my book, a year would be too soon (and generally speaking, unhealthy) to expect an engagement.

Perhaps not too soon to live together.

Definitely reasonable to expect a commitment to monogamy, and exchange ‘I love yous’.

Whilst all relationships have their own rhythms, and whirlwind can work out fine, I’d be more careful to get to know the person very well outside of the initial rush of passion. Making life decisions after one year sounds a bit risky.

Are you sure you aren’t just getting caught up in some reality tv idea of romance and ‘better put a ring on it’? It’d be a shame to chuck a good man back into the sea just because you’re impatient to fulfil some kind of fantasy?

Just another point of view.

[SandyY2K]

How old are you OP?

[Royalfuckup]

SandyY2K, I can’t tell if you’re being rude or not.

I’m 40 and have never been married although I have been engaged once and cohabited twice.

I think my thoughts are being clouded by the fact that I’ve known this man for 20 years but only recently realised that I wanted more than friendship. He, on the other hand, has always referred to me as “the one that got away”.

[Royalfuckup]

Skittles, good questions about what sort of commitment I’m looking for.

At the stage, I just wanted to establish ourselves as partners, spend holidays together, spend time with family.

I’m not ready yet for co-habiting or engagement let alone marriage.

But I wanted commitment to the relationship and the possibility of a future together.

[Royalfuckup]

*at this stage

[Karigan1]

You’ve been together for a year and you want commitment? What type of commitment are you asking for? If it’s marriage or living together then frankly I wouldn’t be willing to give that commitment that quickly.

[Karigan1]

We cross posted. So all you’ve really asked him for is to be your partner and he isn’t prepared to even concede to that? If he can’t even do that after a year then that’s pretty poor.

[Royalfuckup]

Yes, that’s right Karigan. And so I decided to end it.

[KarmaStar]

Hi OP,
You know in your heart that you made the right decision,it also happened to be the hardest one .
You WILL meet the right man for you,without a doubt.
So be nice to yourself,enjoy the things you love about being single and be happy.

[ClareB83]

Bearing in mind all you're looking for is a real relationship and he doesn't want that, I think you have definitely done the right thing.