Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

NC Dignity Club Pt 4: The Only Way Is Up

(999 Posts)
Basseting Sat 20-Jan-18 17:31:18

Welcome to the No Contact Dignity Club Part 4

If you are aiming for it, trying to maintain it, being 'offered' it, coming back to it... NC support is here!

Itsalottery Sat 20-Jan-18 17:51:12

Thanks everyone. ginger sorry you feel sad but well done for doing so well. Sorry for such short message, I am out now but will check in with you all properly tomorrow for my new day 1. Xx

Itsalottery Sat 20-Jan-18 17:51:22

Thanks everyone. ginger sorry you feel sad but well done for doing so well. Sorry for such short message, I am out now but will check in with you all properly tomorrow for my new day 1. Xx

appella Sat 20-Jan-18 17:56:28

Sooooo the last few hours I feel my resolve slipping and I'm back to weepy wanting him back. My head knows he's not the one for me but I want someone to be close to and share that intimacy with. Rationally I am glad it's over and know I just need time and that I'm going to have a great 2018 without him. But my heart is sad and wants to hold him and kiss him. Arghhhh

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Sat 20-Jan-18 18:10:38

Thanks for that Basseting.

Sorry you're feeling like that App. He's behaved very badly towards you but sometimes it's hard to let go

appella Sat 20-Jan-18 19:01:29

Little win: have deleted our WhatsApp convo (500+ pictures and voice recordings plus all the messages since we met) and unfollowed on instagram. Woooo star for me

Belonger Sat 20-Jan-18 19:07:51

Wow, another thread! Haven't caught up with it yet but wanted to say hi hope everyone is OK or okish. Well done appella for deleting, a big achievement and not easy I bet star star

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Sat 20-Jan-18 19:27:02

Huge achievement App. star

Enirroc Sat 20-Jan-18 19:28:24

Just checking in everyone

gettingthereshopefully Sat 20-Jan-18 20:06:59

Good evening! I've caught up with all of you and I'm just waving from my corner of France. I'm pretty much swamped with work, impending house purchase and move and family life but I always make a point of reading all your comments which are as inspiring and thought provoking as ever.

I'm too tired to write anything about how I feel. I'm possibly too tired to even feel much which is probably a good thing. I think about my NC man every day BUT I'm feeling myself detaching bit by bit from him. I'm a month and a half in to NC barring one NY message. It feels good. Most of the time.

Teensandfuture Sat 20-Jan-18 20:27:36

Hello lovelies 😊
Appella you doing great. I found deleting communication thread is probably one if hardest bits but it's empowering,also out of sight out of mind..no opportunity to revisit and relieve lovely moments as well as bad ones.
Itsa glad you're not bad at square one, glad you're in a bit of control.
Getting being busy and not having time to think of him is a very positive thing. You also progressing and sorting stuff, huge positive 😊

gettingthereshopefully Sat 20-Jan-18 20:36:23

Teens, you're fab, thank you for your lovely comment!

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Sat 20-Jan-18 21:39:33

Evening all. Hope everyone is okay

appella Sat 20-Jan-18 22:06:28

Can I just say ladies, this has literally helped me soooo much in actually getting to day seven and being able to delete these things. You've brought me a whole lot of strength and inspiration. You are all fabulous brewwinecakethanks

OldBook Sat 20-Jan-18 22:25:05

Checking in for day one of non-initiation to try as an attempt to reinforce dynamic. Now I’ve slept on it I’m still happy with how it went but the whole thing was still in his control so I am still vulnerable to feelings of rejection.

I’ll go through the other thread now ...

Enirroc Sat 20-Jan-18 22:40:58

It's interesting that you mention control @OldBook

My NC has a big thing about needing control and I was happy to hand it to him, but he's then controlled everything since the relationship ended too. He wanted to talk so we did... He doesn't want to talk, so we didn't... Until I said I couldn't take it anymore.

When I contacted him the other day he just wouldn't engage. I'm hoping that I can make him talk to me when I'm there on Friday. I expect he'll make sure it can't happen, but I'm going to try- and I'm going to control the conversation if it happens. I know exactly what I'm going to say.

OldBook Sat 20-Jan-18 23:08:03

eniroc I heard once that the person most willing to walk away is the one in control and wonder if that’s true. And you’ll never be in control unless you’re willing to walk away.

It’s hard to regain control too. While I had a lovely time fact remains he left me hanging - even though he agreed etc I spent over an hour waiting for time and place etc. As I waited I thought - would I have waited for anyone else - and couldn’t decide.

I am now bursting with things to say and get in touch but must not.

OldBook Sat 20-Jan-18 23:15:58

I found the comments on the old thread about platonic friendship interesting - I don’t know what I think. While I feel I’m moving toward that I still think it’ll never be the same as my girlfriends and one other purely platonic friend with a (gay) man I have. It’s hard to put a finger on what makes it different though. He asks more questions than most friends and seems to have more of an interest in me for one in terms of the minor details of my life - something he’d stopped but seems to have started again

Rhubarbginn Sat 20-Jan-18 23:24:14

Great to have a new thread. Almost done day 30. Feeling more happy in general. Will keep walking those miles in the hope that should he get in touch, I’ll be too far ahead to catch.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Sun 21-Jan-18 00:07:08

Well done on Day 1 Oldbook. I hope I'm too far to catch as well Rhubarb

anxiousnow Sun 21-Jan-18 00:14:23

Thanks for new thread Basseting

App another huge step deleting whatsapp. I still look at our messages which now make me feel happier rather than sadder. Reminds me how much he did care and that I hadn't put it on a pedestal in my head... but I know that it is a sign that I am still not moving on so really impressed by you!

Oldbrook. Glad you are feeling better after sleeping on it.

Hope everyone gets a good sleep flowers

Enirroc Sun 21-Jan-18 00:21:55

@OldBook it was me that took us NC. We doesn't ages rebuilding the friendship that we'd had and he suddenly decided that he preferred acquaintance... I said I'm doing doing that, to continue a friendship would have to be the real friendship that we had- and he said it's just this. I said that's it then and went NC. He wanted to keep control, to know I was still there but not give me anything and I refused.

Zoo33 Sun 21-Jan-18 00:22:23

@appella How did it feel deleting the WhatsApp messages??? I'm not sure I can bring myself to do it just yet - he's blocked and archived for now instead.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Sun 21-Jan-18 00:22:30

I deleted all trace of my guy. Would love to look back on some messages but it's probably healthier that I've nothing.

gingergenius Sun 21-Jan-18 00:26:31

I missed the link. Set up another one. Sorry!

How is everyone?

Just had a really lovely dinner with my loveliest of best friends and kids and she has been so amazingly supportive of me even though her mum died of cancer in October.

I'm humbled and so grateful for our friendship. Without her, I probably wouldn't be here now.

Feeling down ( a bit pissed as lots of wine consumed) but realising that this is the right path to take.

How's everyone? So aware that weekends are tricky. Hope you're all coping x

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now