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Disappointed with your sex life Part 3

(282 Posts)
lemonade Sat 24-Jul-04 17:39:38

A new thread for us. I'll see you here instead of at Part 2.

lemonade Sat 24-Jul-04 22:57:30

Good evening, everyone! How are we all? l xx

gettingthere Sat 24-Jul-04 23:50:18

lemonade - hello! sorry - couldn't be on this thread earlier - have been clearing the cellar following the flood. there are still some puddles but mostly its gone.

the gym is still closed (shame!)but in the cellar having forgotten all about it, found a step machine thingy which I'll get out tomorrow. It'll give the kids a laugh anyway!

lemonade - i'm so sorry you were in tears. please please feel free to share whatever your thoughts etc. i always feel better when i've done it, although i appreciate many things are really personal. please accept big hugs and the other half of the virtual bottle of wine (which was quite a good one).

have asked lovely chap if he fancies a few days away in the summer, and heard nothing since! this may or may not be a bad thing. i'll have to wait and see....

am absolutely knackered and off to bed now, but will check in tomorrow. bye for now

lemonade Sun 25-Jul-04 16:59:24

gettingthere - Hi! Just a quick message as I'm supposed to be doing lots of cleaning. I haven't been able to get onto MN for hours, so I've done a fair bit. "

Good luck with the step thingy! I've no co-ordination, so I'd look really funny on it!

I'm feeling better now. Sometimes the feelings of grief come back from losing some close family members. Thank you for the hugs and the virtual wine.

I hope you hear from your chap soon. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you! l xx

reallyembarrassedbut Sun 25-Jul-04 19:37:07

Hi all

ok weekend, the usual arguing - nothing that's made me want to trudge off into the woods with a Revolver, but it feels worse because there isn't the other extreme, if that makes sense.

I realised of course why we don't make love, and it's because she doesn't love me, so hey, at least I might be handsome after all.

Could someone tell me which is better?

lemonade Sun 25-Jul-04 20:49:27

REB - Hi. Sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time of it. I don't know what to say. gettingthere has excellent advice and says all the right things. Hopefully she'll be along soon. Sorry for such a feeble post. l xx

gettingthere Mon 26-Jul-04 22:07:30

REB, lemonade - hello both!

Have still not heard from lovely chap so......but he is still lovely nevertheless!!

lemonade - i'm really sorry about your grief. I think sometimes it can hit in waves. I still grieve for my grandfather 30 years later from time to time (he died in a sad way). Feel free to share your thoughts if you feel able - if not, we're still thinking about you.

REB - I am getting a little worried about you. Here you are - a nice, sensitive man, and you are clearly unhappy. I don't really know what to say - I was v unhappy in my marriage, but i stayed for the children (and for me that was the right thing to do) but i am so much happier now its over. You certainly need to lift your self-esteem - are there particular activities/hobbies which you enjoy/used to enjoy? When i had a particularly bad patch with my exh, I listened to a series of tapes which basically said that although you can't influence many things around you, you can decide what your response is to those events. I remember saying to exh that i wanted to go away to a particular place for a few days. he was grumpy etc etc. A couple of days later i said I'm going to book the tickets - would you like to come or not? he was totally stunned, then decided to come, and really enjoyed it. My thought was that i really couldn't spend my time relying on his moods, and after that i did feel better. The relationship broke up in the end (it was bound to do that) but i felt better in the meantime.

Last winter i went skiing (totally unfit and no sense of balance) and had the best holiday ever. I couldn't afford it (my finances are a mess) but decided i couldn't afford to feel low all winter either!! (i have many ways to justify increased overdraft!).

What do you really really enjoy?? for me its generally simple things, but could you try and do 1 thing a day you really like doing? its amazing how you can lift your spirits that way. Take care

lemonade Mon 26-Jul-04 22:38:10

gettingthere - Hi! It's good to hear from you. Thanks for your message to me. I do appreciate you caring.

REB - I think gettingthere is right. It's good to do something for yourself regularly to feel that "alive" buzz. I took the kids swimming today and I hate going swimming. The water's always too cold and I'm tired before I go, but I got more out of it than they did today! I did about 10 lengths and felt much more positive about myself afterwards. Normally, I'm at home most of the time, so a change of scenery is nice. I hope things improve for you as you seem such a nice chap. It takes courage to try to make things better, I know. I've been afraid to try, but it's getting slightly easier for me as things are improving slowly. Take care.

reallyembarrassedbut Tue 27-Jul-04 08:44:32

Thanks folks, I do understand what you are saying, but I don't think I want a distraction, I want some affection. That sounds pathetic, but I lie in bed at night feeling so lonely, and wake up the same.

Occasionally she gets close to me, but seconds later she backs off, as if she's suddenly remembered she can't stand me.

lonelymumof3 Tue 27-Jul-04 08:50:45

REB i really feel for you....my dh does this to me all the time....he goes to give me a hug then backs away....things just seem to get worse and worse, and we are just about split up now. He is back here now but we are living separate lives.

lonelymumof3 Tue 27-Jul-04 09:02:54

yet on sunday when he came round he expected me to go to bed with him.....i thought that it would confuse things even more, with things being how they are at the moment, so i refused and then he wouldnt even talk to me. I said we needed to get 'us' back on track before we even considered sleeping together like that again. Am I wrong for doing that? I don't think it would have done either of us any good if we had gone through with it

lemonade Tue 27-Jul-04 09:20:12

lmo3 - Hello. I'm sorry that things are still very difficult for you. You're right about not sleeping together yet. There is so much that he needs to put right first. Take care. l xx

REB - I know what you're saying. It's just that if you do something you enjoy, it gives you a lift. I don't think she can't stand you, really I don't. I think she just might have some self esteem issues of her own.

reallyembarrassedbut Tue 27-Jul-04 15:38:17

Just me agaiin, feeling sorry for myself - home time in a couple of hours, the usual evenig routine, the usual distance between us, and i don't feel like going home thinking about it

lonelymumof3 Tue 27-Jul-04 15:43:49

REB wish i could give you a hug and say it would be ok.

lemonade Tue 27-Jul-04 16:46:46

REB - Please accept a virtual hug from me. <<hug>> There! 2 hugs in one day! From 2 lovely ladies! Can't be bad!

Seriously, though, I've taken the bull by the horns in my relationship and it has been really, really hard, but I'm seeing the benefits. I know that you said that you used to regularly bring flowers home. How about that, tonight? Maybe a nice bottle of whatever you and dw drink, too?

lmo3 - How are you atm? l xx

lonelymumof3 Tue 27-Jul-04 16:52:02

i am ok i think lemonade.

I have found a house and somewhere i can do a course that wont interfere with the children and our time together, but will also mean i can get a career when the children are all at school. I have also found DH a job if he decides to come with us, and suitable schools and nursries for the children as well.

I hope that this is the start of things looking up.....either with or without DH?? Will have to discuss it with him tonight and see what he says hey?? The worst he can say is no hey?? I will just have to live with it i suppose

How are you lemonade?

REB you lucky man.....two hugs from 2 lovely ladies in one day!!!

lemonade Tue 27-Jul-04 17:00:56

lmo3 - I really admire your ability to sort out that lot whilst things are so difficult for you. You're doing so well. I hope that your dh does decide to come with you. He's missing out on so much - you and the children - if he doesn't. You will still keep in touch with us, won't you? l xx

P.S. Yes, I'm okay. Thanks for asking.

lonelymumof3 Tue 27-Jul-04 17:08:49

Thank you lemonade.....some days I dont feel as though I can go on then other days its like today....things seem to get a little better. Its kind people like you that have helped me through this and given me the inspiration to keep going......

Yes he will be missing out on a lot, but i will not force him to live somewhere or be with someone he doesnt want to be with. After all i have been living here miserably for the past 6 years and i know what it is like I love him too much to put him through that. But if he doesnt want to be with me, wherever we are, then there is nothing I can do about it and I have to do what I can to make mine and the childrens lives as good as I possibly can.

But I will get there eventually, and I will never forget the help and support all of you have given to me, especially you lemonade. You have been my best friend in all of this. I will definatley not forget you all and i will certainly keep in touch....

Hopefully when I have moved, a name change will be in order?!?

lemonade Tue 27-Jul-04 22:16:11

lmo3 - Thank you very much for your last message. It was very, very kind of you. I'm glad to have helped you a bit. I'm sorry to be so late in replying. I had a message ready earlier to preview and post and then dh arrived home, so I had to go.

I do hope that your dh goes with you, even if he's not certain (at this moment in time) that it's the right thing for him to do. You've a lovely little family together and one day in the future he'll need to justify his actions to the children if he doesn't choose to stay with you all. Also, I'm concerned about the weight that will be on your shoulders alone if he doesn't move with you. How much help will you have from your relations living locally? I think you're very brave and are coping with much more than I ever had to at your age. You need to really look after yourself and seek out help (of any kind) when you need it. Take care.

Yes, we'll look forward to hearing your new name when you choose one! You'll have to give us a code word now so that we know it's you! l xx

lemonade Tue 27-Jul-04 22:19:07

REB - We haven't scared you off with our virtual hugs, have we?!

reallyembarrassedbut Wed 28-Jul-04 08:51:02

no, sorry, I hate to seem ungrateful, and hugs back to you all

xxx

lemonade Wed 28-Jul-04 09:32:28

REB - Sorry, I was teasing you! Thanks for the hug! How are you?

reallyembarrassedbut Wed 28-Jul-04 09:33:38

well, I don't feel I should complain, as lmo3 needs our time at the moment

lonelymumof3 Wed 28-Jul-04 10:01:01

REB....you need love and support as much as the resy of us. Whats wrong (apart from the obvious i mean) are you ok?

reallyembarrassedbut Wed 28-Jul-04 10:10:38

no change, just feeling lonely, not for any special reason - you?

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