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Just wondering

(26 Posts)
Goodhair Mon 18-Dec-17 21:26:58

Hi all smile

How do men treat women to show them that they are special/valued? What things does a caring husband do for his wife? Is it enough that he pays the bills and is the provider?

Babyblues052 Mon 18-Dec-17 21:35:51

No it's not enough. You're not a pet. My dp makes me laugh, he doesn't have to buy me things to make me feel special, sometimes the way he looks at me makes me feel like the only person in the world. Hes interested in the things I have to say, in my days in things I want for the future. He tells me every day he loves me. He isn't a talker at all so very rarely expresses his love for me other than to say I love you but he shows me all the time. He asks for my opinion on things tells me about his days about things he wants ECT, make me feel valued, he values my opinion. I feel very much like we are a team.

Ellisandra Mon 18-Dec-17 21:37:36

Provider? confused
I earn far more than my fiancé, though I don't need to "keep" him.
He makes me feel loved even without paying my bills for me hmm

Ellisandra Mon 18-Dec-17 21:38:48

In our case...
He always listens to me, and we have lots of sex.
Money doesn't come into it hmm

Cabininthewoods69 Mon 18-Dec-17 21:44:53

My dh is the main earner. We share all decision, compromise and give each other's interests a go. He cooks dinner and seems to know without me saying if if had a bad day even if I'm smiling. I guess it could be called attentive but I could be wrong

Louiseandhercubs Mon 18-Dec-17 21:45:09

I can't think of a time money comes into love. Ever.

thatcatpidgeon Mon 18-Dec-17 21:46:23

biscuit Hello there, how’s the weather in 1950!?

Goodhair Mon 18-Dec-17 21:56:15

Ok let me give some background info. DH is not a bad person at all. But sometimes I feel as if he doesn't really give a shit about me. We make a few jokes sometimes and try to have a sex life but I feel like it's not enough. However I know that I have some emotional issues from my relationship with DF; he wasn't a loving dad and he wanted a boy but got me instead and wasn't happy about it.
On one hand I tell myself that marriage is not perfect and I shouldn't ruin the good thing I have because of my emotional issues.On the other hand I feel depressed about our relationship.

Goodhair Mon 18-Dec-17 21:57:47

Also he is the main provider for the family while I work part time. Sometimes I wonder if i should just be grateful for that and shut up

hollowtree Mon 18-Dec-17 22:04:40

OP I have wondered the exact same thing! Thanks for this thread... watching with interest

Chestnutsroastingaway Mon 18-Dec-17 22:06:45

He stays faithful and doesn’t cheat on you behind your back. He respects the vows he made to you, he doesn’t show a lack of respect for you and humiliate you. He doesn’t lie on a sun lounger whilst on a family holiday sexting other women. Are you the most important person to him in your life?

Goodhair Mon 18-Dec-17 22:11:49

Chestnuts honestly I don't know. I have spoken to him about it a few times, he has told me he loves me but I'm not so sure. He doesn't cheat on me however he can't stop staring at other women even when I'm with him.

Babyblues052 Mon 18-Dec-17 22:16:11

My dp earns more than me. He works full time and I work part time but I don't feel greatful about it. If I didn't feel fulfilled in my relationship I wouldn't be greatful and shut up! That's not a partnership.

Goodhair Mon 18-Dec-17 22:18:09

Babyblues sorry if I sound silly but what does it mean to be fulfilled in a relationship? I have heard about it but not sure what it means exactly

Myheartbelongsto Mon 18-Dec-17 23:03:07

My boyfriend is just kind really.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 18-Dec-17 23:07:15

Yes. He's kind to me. He thinks I'm the bees knees. He puts my happiness above his own. And I do the same for him

Tinselistacky Mon 18-Dec-17 23:11:44

My dh is extremely selfless. Always happy to let me have the last biscuit or ten last chocolate!! Happy I get a lie in every weekend - both days!! Never criticised me in over 5 years or put me down once. Never met a man like him.

CremeFresh Mon 18-Dec-17 23:17:49

Op , What do you do to make your husband feel cherished, valued, loved etc ?

Goodhair Mon 18-Dec-17 23:23:28

I'm reading all your replies and it's brought tears to my eyes. Like I said DH is kind, cooks the dinner and there was one time I was in a difficult situation and he stood by me. However there are a few things that bother me e.g. he does not like spending time with me. One day last week he intentionally sat beside me and I was so surprised; he did it again today btw for a few minutes and I was surprised and pleased as well. Also I don't know if this is wrong but I excitedly said I think I'm pregnant, he replies with well it's not the end of the world. He does help around the house but does a fair bit of complaining. I try to have conversations with him but for every question he replies with I don't know. I have to bag and tell him off in frustration before I can get any emotional response from him. He doesn't look at me like I'm special...not at all. He takes me for granted so much, he has even acknowledged it and says he will work on it but so far nothing. Even right now I'm alone in bed and I miss him. I'd like to just cuddle up next to him but he is busy doing his own thing in the living room

Goodhair Mon 18-Dec-17 23:28:45

I tell him how much I love him. I hug him all the time and I'm always there for him when he needs me. I look after him when he is sick and when he is depressed I do anything that I can to make him happy. I don't look at other men. The few times he has discussed his dreams with me I don't laugh or tell him that he's always changing his mind. I contribute to the house as much as I can. I always build him up and tell him I'm proud of him. I cook his meals, I do the housework. I always look out for ways to help him or make him feel happy. I'm always thoughtful about him and I buy him presents to make him happy/laugh... That's just some of it.
And about presents....I know love is not at all about money but sometimes you do buy presents (not necessarily expensive) for someone you love or is that wrong?

juwayriyyah31 Tue 19-Dec-17 06:32:25

My husband is not the present type. He doesn't know what gifts are lol . But in other ways he's the most loving guy and honest. Couldn't imagine my life without him. There are times when he's sitting there watching videos or something and I miss instead of waiting for him ,I just go and cuddle him myself.

Goodhair Tue 19-Dec-17 08:41:32

When I go to cuddle mine he gets irritated because there is no space in the sofa. One time I had congestion and was struggling to breathe, I went to cuddle him and he complained about my breathing as it was distracting him from the telly.

Goodhair Tue 19-Dec-17 08:42:30

So these days I don't go to cuddle him for fear of him complaining and the whole thing developing into an argument

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Tue 19-Dec-17 08:49:57

Sorry OP, but he doesn’t love you. You are a convenience to him. He pays and you look after him, like a housekeeper but with sex on the side.

Are you pregnant? I assume you have no kids otherwise. If not, it’s time to go.

How old are you? You don’t sound very experienced with relationships. You do sound like a nice person though. Don’t let him take that away from you. Leave him now and find someone who respects you and loves that warm personality. flowers

Mum4Fergus Tue 19-Dec-17 08:52:52

DP is open honest transparent, we're great communicators (both talk and listen), we can laugh and cry together, sex is fab...I earn about double but it's one team pot so that's irrelevant.

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