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This is a bit sleazy right?

(40 Posts)
Farontothemaddingcrowd Mon 18-Dec-17 18:46:10

One of my male friends keeps mentioning how he wishes I fancied him as he's so good in bed and is have a great time. I do not fancy him in the slightest. I will never sleep with him. Then he's been telling me when he feels horny (bleurgh). He gives me details about his sex life that I would rather not know.
Then I mentioned I was meeting another woman for a date (I'm bisexual but never followed up an interest in women before) and he's saying things like 'send me the photos.'
It's made me feel ill. I don't like that he's fetishising my sexuality and I feel uncomfortable with the oversharing.
He's been a great friend and has listened and counselled me when I've been depressed. Now I'm thinking he had an ulterior motive. It's depressing! I thought he was a real friend. I'm not judging him too harshly here, am I?

Leo07 Mon 18-Dec-17 18:48:12

With regards to the sex talk- tell him straight, say you don't wish to hear that.

Asking you for photos- You need to put your foot down with regards to his comments. Be honest, fair but assertive

WhoWants2Know Mon 18-Dec-17 18:48:21

No, I don’t think you’re judging him too harshly. Esp the photos comment.

Trills Mon 18-Dec-17 18:49:48


Farontothemaddingcrowd Mon 18-Dec-17 18:49:58

I think I've been a bit too subtle. I tried to be a bit jokey and say 'too much information Ben, haha.'
But it's continued.

Smeaton Mon 18-Dec-17 18:52:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers Mon 18-Dec-17 18:53:10


ZeroFeedback Mon 18-Dec-17 18:57:02

If I were being generous to him I would wonder whether he is treating you like one of his male friends and you are on the receiving end of some ‘banter’ which, while inappropriate, does not need to be a sign that he sees you in a sexual way.

This could be possible if he does not have many female friends and does not understand that there are some conversations which may be fine in same sex friendships but not in mixed sex ones.

On the other hand, it is not appropriate at all - and I say that as a male - as Leo says, tell him straight.

If he’s mortified, apologises and changes let it go. If not dump the predator.

FizzyGreenWater Mon 18-Dec-17 18:57:51

Well he's not a great friend now alas. He's a pervy sleaze who is making you feel extremely uncomfortable.

Really, you owe him less than nothing now. I'd seriously send a final text saying that you've thought about it carefully and you no longer feel there's a genuine friendship between you - his comments have made you feel disgusted and angry and you no longer like communicating with him, and that you don't wish to be friends any longer.

Don't allow this to pass - he's really out of order.

Farontothemaddingcrowd Mon 18-Dec-17 18:58:20

I can't actually see that, user. It just looks like a rectangle on the app.
I like to think that men and women can be friends and I do think they can. But this guy has disappointed me.

Farontothemaddingcrowd Mon 18-Dec-17 19:01:25

Honestly he's listened to me sobbing on the phone when I've been low. He knows I've had an eating disorder and am quite vulnerable at times. Actually though, I've noticed that he seems most interested in talking to me when I'm depressed.

GrooovyLass Mon 18-Dec-17 19:14:10

He's not a friend, he's a perv. Get rid!

ClaryFray Mon 18-Dec-17 19:16:29

I'd tell him to bore off, he isn't a friend. He's after what he can get. Your better than that.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers Mon 18-Dec-17 19:17:18

Sorry it was the vomit emoji

Crumbs1 Mon 18-Dec-17 19:18:58

Why do you think this man is a friend? He sounds revolting and appears to have little respect for women.

Smeaton Mon 18-Dec-17 19:20:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Farontothemaddingcrowd Mon 18-Dec-17 19:22:19

Ah the vomit emoji is apt!
I don't know why I thought he was a friend. I guess he's been around for a while without starting anything. He's just been a listening ear.

shivermytimbers Mon 18-Dec-17 19:23:08

He's a twat. Get rid. He's definitely not a friend!

Farontothemaddingcrowd Mon 18-Dec-17 19:24:18

Actually a couple of times I have texted him and asked what his plans were for the day and his answer was 'wanking mostly.' Which I thought was icky but kind of reasoned that he was just oversharing. But he's an intelligent man and I'm starting to realise he knew exactly what he was doing.

Smeaton Mon 18-Dec-17 19:26:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Farontothemaddingcrowd Mon 18-Dec-17 19:28:04

It really makes me feel quite disillusioned. I'm a woman, not his fantasy material.

Biddylee Mon 18-Dec-17 19:31:05

He's crossing a line. Can you imagine telling a friend that you wished they fancies you because you are good in bed? I can't (either parts of the statement) It's egotistical and inappropriate. It's horrible when a friendship heads in this direction.

Have you told him clearly that these conversations make you feel uncomfortable?

Smeaton Mon 18-Dec-17 19:34:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Farontothemaddingcrowd Mon 18-Dec-17 19:39:17

I don't think I have been clear enough biddylee. I need to be more assertive.
I still have a male friend who i absolutely trust, Smeaton, who wouldn't dream of speaking to me that why. But I guess I've been naive with 'Ben.'

becotide Mon 18-Dec-17 19:41:28

He's going to drop you like a hot turd when you stop allowing him to sexualise you. He'd sticking around in the hope that if he forces the idea into your head enough, you'll fuck him. Once he has no hope, he'll vanish.

he'll say because it's "too painful" but the reason will really be that he didn't get his own way

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