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How the hell do I do this?

(16 Posts)
gingergenius Sat 16-Dec-17 20:35:13

I have known for a while I need to spilt from my partner. He betrayed me badly last summer and foolishly I took him back. We don't live together but I run/own a business that he plays a major part in (seasonal wedding industry) where both of us are important in client-facing roles. He's not a director but he's intrinsic to the business. I'm so utterly ground down o don't know what to do. Please help

Huskylover1 Sat 16-Dec-17 20:47:44

Well if you don't live together and have shared finances, that is a massive plus. Sit him down, in the nicest way possible tell him you want to not be a couple anymore, but you hope that you can continue to work well alongside one another. Or, you could replace him in the business and have a really clean break.

Worriedrose Sat 16-Dec-17 20:48:41

You have to do what's right for you.
What can you do about the business aspect, is he an employee, or does he have a stake in it someway.
If he's betrayed you then I would imagine that he knows you asking to leave the business is on the cards.

MyBrilliantDisguise Sat 16-Dec-17 20:52:08

How difficult would it be to replace him at work?

gingergenius Sat 16-Dec-17 21:12:34

Very difficult. Saw a solicitor last year. It's very much a 'personality' type booking and not easily transferable. Also my money that has financed it (having saved his own endeavours).

It's all gone wrong again tonight. I have been shouted at for interrupting and not allowing him to finish (which I can, on occasion be guilty of), but I have felt so battered I know it's not just me being a bossy cow.

I know this isn't just me. But tonight I feel utterly defeated. Utterly, utterly defeated to the point where I am wondering whether I really am the one who is in the wrong.
Thank fuck my kids are away with their dad tonight even though they gave me grief for that as well!

OnTheRise Sat 16-Dec-17 21:32:49

You might find it hard to replace him in your business, but you definitely deserve to be treated better than this. He has no right to shout at you.

Have a close look at your business. See how you can extricate yourself from your involvement with him. This is no way to live.

Worriedrose Sat 16-Dec-17 21:39:46

Are you a double act. I know that's an odd thing to ask.
what did you do before him
What did the solicitor specifically say, these types of arrangements there must be a get out clause somehow.

SweetBerries Sat 16-Dec-17 21:42:19

Ginger - I understand all too well the feeling of questioning whether it’s all you. Whether everyone else is right and you are wrong about the way you’re being treated. I have learned that the only reason for that is self-doubt. Lack of confidence. I’m not surprised you have that with how you are being treated.

I echo other posters when you say that you need to sit him down and tell him it isn’t working but that you hope you can continue to work together. Realistically this could go one of 3 ways

1) He’s felt the same for a while and it’s mutual so there is little issue and you continue to work together

2) He takes it badly and leaves the job, in which case you put your happiness first and replace him despite potential initial financial loss.

3) He takes it badly but doesn’t want to lose his job, so stays, initially that will be hard but in the end, best for you and potentially for him.

None of those options are without some risk but it has to be better than this life you are living. Life is too short to stay unhappy when you don’t have to be. X

gingergenius Sat 16-Dec-17 21:58:46

To reply to all- we have been (for 6 years) in a personal relationship as well as in business for 4 years. Biz in my name only and he is paid accordingly, BUT either of us can act as lead in a job based on our expertise and it's very much driven as much by personality as it is by skill level (which is equal). So if I were to bin him off, it's possible (and legal) that id lose 50% of the business because clients signed up because of him and would cancel if he was sacked.

I have consulted a solicitor and on this, so not being drama llama. Just very stuck with a man who I feel doesn't have my/our best interests at heart.

Worriedrose Sat 16-Dec-17 22:02:38

Well then I would take @SweetBerries
Advice and offer him the options

gingergenius Sat 16-Dec-17 23:04:45

So so down. Feel like I'm going bonkers

gingergenius Sun 17-Dec-17 11:14:53

Thanks sweetberries. Will take that tack and hope I don't lose myself in the process.

Worriedrose Sun 17-Dec-17 11:20:30

Don't back down from what you want. Hold your head up and look after yourself.
If this is non negotiable then don't be backed into doing what is best for you.
Good luck op flowers

Worriedrose Sun 17-Dec-17 11:20:47

Gah what isn't best for you!!!

caringdenise009 Sun 17-Dec-17 11:45:04

Can't you wind down his contribution, honour any bookings he has made but don't let him make any more. Hire someone else PT with a view to FT after some months. If he's making you feel like this is all your fault it's unlikely he will cooperate though. How far in the future do his bookings go?

He is replaceable. If he had chosen to leave, or died the business would go on wouldn't it? It will be difficult for a while but probably not as hard as you think.

ThinkOfAWittyNameLater Sun 17-Dec-17 12:58:39

Can you phase him out of the business - stop prospective clients meeting him so he can't be the reason for the contract?

No idea if this is legal or constructive dismissal mind you!

What notice period do you need to give him? Could you make him redundant - by scaling back the business?

Admittedly you could reduce your income for a period but you'd be free. No price on freedom.

It's a tough situation - I feel for you x

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