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Relationships

This is over isn't it?

42 replies

Eightbelles · 16/12/2017 16:59

Sorry this is long. If you read it all or even understand me as I’m not sure I understand myself then thank you.

Been with my boyfriend for 8 months now and it’s not going well. I think that we should break up and have for a while but he doesn’t agree.

On the outside, people think we are a great couple, suited for each other perfectly. My parents like him, his parents like me, there aren’t any issues there. He buys me presents and shows me love and affection in front of people, so they think he’s great.

Not sure if I’m just the problem. It was great to begin with, even before we properly got together we would have days out and have a lot of fun. I enjoyed spending time with him and gradually felt more for him. But in the last few months it hasn’t gone very well. I feel like we are already in a routine, it’s boring, we rarely have sex anymore maybe once a week. I try for more and he isn’t that interested or finds an excuse for why we can’t. We don’t live together yet, but he spends most of his time at mine which essentially it is living together.

He seems to want to change me too. He clearly doesn’t like the fact I don’t drink. I have my reasons for this that he knows, yet of we go out which isnt often, he’ll try to persuade me to drink, which just pisses me off when he knows why. I ask him why he has a problem, and he says he doesn’t, that I am better than him because I don’t drink or smoke and have never done drugs, but then why pressure me to drink if he thinks that? It’s clearly a lie.

And then he backed that up by not inviting me to a night out he got invited to because ‘but it’s going out to pubs and clubs, you wouldn’t like it’. Don’t have to drink to do that, plus I would have liked to have met his friends as I’ve only met 1 of them. He tried to back track and invite me, but felt a bit forced by this point so I didn’t go.

I do try to take an interest in his interests. I play video games with him, and I did ask if I could come to watch him play pool with his club, but he told me the other guys don’t like people bringing their girlfriends. Fair enough, but I then get told that one of them brings his girlfriend most weeks? What am I meant to think of that?

Sometimes I do wonder if it’s just my implant making me feel this way, as I felt fine at the beginning when I didn’t have it. I got it put in before we got together and everything seemed fine but lately I just feel down and depressed about our relationship. He rarely makes me happy anymore, I’m more annoyed with him because all he wants to do is play games. He’s not interested in much else and the other things he is I’m not welcome at. He has little empathy for the fact I have had a traumatic experience in my life too, actually one time putting on a film that featured a similar experience for someone else. I told him to stop the film before it got too into it, but it’s still not great that he ‘forgot’ that the scene was there, so he claims. It made me cry seeing it on screen and he didn’t care about that either because he was already annoyed with me for something else.

Everything tells me I should break up with him and I have tried in the past but he always talks me out of it and says he’ll change and be more loving and kind. Most he’s done is stopped prodding me which he used to do and it left bruises on me. Otherwise nothing has changed. I have asked him before if I am just a rebound from his ex as we got together not long after they split up and it was a long relationship but he says not.

Is it just me? Could it be my implant making me feel this way? I have had it before and I felt like it way changing me, but I was in a very bad relationship at the time so wasn’t sure if it was that or not.

OP posts:
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Gemini69 · 16/12/2017 17:07

he sounds like a selfish Dick..... and you're not coming across as compatible in any way Flowers

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Killdora · 16/12/2017 17:10

Run. Far away.

This relationship has ‘future misery and soul crushing loneliness’ written all over it.

I was with someone like that you nice and wasted far too much of my time.

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Blackteadrinker77 · 16/12/2017 17:10

End it now, that is not going to be a long term relationship.

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Youllneverlivelikecommonpeople · 16/12/2017 17:12

If you're not happy in a relationship for any reason you can leave it, whether it's you or him to "blame". In this case, I think it's definitely him but that's neither here nor there. He sounds awful and that's not your problem. You can break up with him even if he doesn't agree. Or your family or friends or anyone else. You don't really get anything from the relationship, he doesn't seem to be there for you or improve your life, so get rid. Sounds like you have a harder time finding reasons to stay than to go. And about the implant - speak to your doctor about finding a form of contraception that suits you better. But you can break up with your boyfriend before then because I doubt it's related. In fact, what are you waiting for? Why not just get it over with and start the rest of your life?

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daisym00n · 16/12/2017 17:13

This is an 8 month relationship and you’ve been thinking about ending for a while? I think you already know you should. It shouldn’t be this hard so early on.

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RaininSummer · 16/12/2017 17:13

Sounds awful.8 months is no investment so run away.

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Smeaton · 16/12/2017 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BewareOfDragons · 16/12/2017 17:15

Just end it. Then refuse to discuss it with him. You don't owe him you. Remember that.

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Codlet · 16/12/2017 17:15

It’s tricky. The only thing that really stands out as being wrong is the bit about prodding you, but you say he’s stopped that.

The bit about forgetting a traumatic incident in a film is probably true and easily done (I once recommended a book to my SIL and later realised I was being v insensitive). Not inviting you on the night out might well be a genuine mistake too.

It could possibly be the implant - hormones are funny things!

On the other hand, if you’re not happy then obviously you should finish it. There’s no point being with someone you don’t seem to like very much.

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olympicsrock · 16/12/2017 17:19

He sounds like an arse. Leave the bastard. He doesn’t make you happy and you deserve more.

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happypoobum · 16/12/2017 17:21

He sounds boring as hell.

Just finish it - block him if you are worried he will wheedle his way back in again.

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RhubarbTea · 16/12/2017 17:25

God this fucker has really got you questioning yourself and your own judgement, hasn't he? He doesn't even respect your wishes when you try and break up with him. That alone would be reason enough, aside from everything else you've listed which are all horrendous, by the way.
Life is too short for this kind of shit. You could have someone who cherishes you, really adores you and is respectful, wants to have sex with you and generally makes your life better by being in it. Hold out for THAT guy because you'll be so glad you did. Focus on him (FutureGuy)and don't let arseface here wheedle his way back in for another go. You'll be so much happier without him.

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MsGameandWatching · 16/12/2017 17:29

"Prodding"? In what way? To get your attention? Because he thought it was funny?

He sounds awful, just awful. This is one of those flings that isn't evolving into something more and that's absolutely fine. I often wonder how many unhappy relationships never had the legs in the beginning but the two people in it forced it anyway. This has gone on about four months longer than it should have.

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ChinwagCharlieBear · 16/12/2017 17:43

I would break up with him. It's only been 8 months and you don't live together. He is clearly making you unhappy.

I don't drink, I never have and my DP of 2 years has never once not invited me somewhere or try to force me to have a drink.

It sounds like he was keen to make an effort at first, with trips out, but now it's petered out and he has become more relaxed. I certainly wouldn't want to sit there watching him playing games.

And he left bruises on you? End it now, don't let him talk you around and block him.

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Maelstrop · 16/12/2017 17:47

Get out before this goes further. He sounds like a selfish wanker.

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bluescreen · 16/12/2017 17:48

If you want to break up, you don't have to get his agreement. He may be happy enough because he's hardly putting in any effort. But you are unhappy, so just finish it.

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Eightbelles · 16/12/2017 17:49

Least I know it's not just me now, thanks everyone. Means I am right.

By prodding, he was doing it to get my attention or to wind me up. He would usually do it when I was driving and left bruises on my arms and legs as even when I said that hurt, he would say 'no it didnt' and just keep doing it. I tried to end it with him for that and he got out of it by begging me to try again and that he wouldn't do it again, that he couldn't believe he had done it.

He's had too many chances now. It seemed like a good relationship at the beginning, just a shame it's ended up like this.

OP posts:
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AnyFucker · 16/12/2017 17:50

You are not happy ?

Then end it. What he wants means nothing. We don't always get what we want. I learned that at 2yo.

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NotTheFordType · 16/12/2017 17:52

Most he’s done is stopped prodding me which he used to do and it left bruises on me

Da fuq?

You don't need his agreement to end things. You can simply say "This isn't making me happy any more, it's over. Please come and collect your things."

Don't get into arguments, just continue repeating "This isn't working for me."

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FinallyHere · 16/12/2017 17:52

but he doesn’t agree.

Fortunately, he doesn't get the casting vote

but he always talks me out of it and says he’ll change and be more loving and kind

How is that going?

Could it be my implant making me feel this way?

You know how people tell you to beware of diagnosis from perfect strangers on the internet? Well, the good news is that it isn't you, it s him. If he has a key, get it back off him. Don't listen when he tried to talk you round. If you can't get of off him, wait til he goes out and get the locks changed. You will enjoy your life so much better without him. Maybe have a look at the freedom program (google it) to work out why you haven't already to rid of him and to avoid people like him in future.

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RunRabbitRunRabbit · 16/12/2017 17:53

No, it's not your implant. How could an implant make him bruise you? How could an implant make him be boring and spend all his time playing video games?

How do you know he spends all his time playong games? Does he come round to your house then sit on your sofa, hogging your TV, to play games? I do hope not.

When you split up this time, don't give reasons. That makes it a negotiation. Each time in the past, he has negotiated a stay of execution.

This time say "I'm just not happy." "It's not you, it's me" "This relationship isn't right for me". Repeat these statements and do not under any circumstances give examples of behaviours, remember that turns it into a negotiation and you might "lose".

Then block him. Say you have to because it's too upsetting to be in contact but do cease contact with him.

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laudanum · 16/12/2017 18:00

Dump him. Don't even be nice about it.

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spinningpenguin · 16/12/2017 18:01

If you are feeling like that after only 8 months I would end it. Seems like you have already made up your mind and rightly so, seems that two of you are not very compatible in any way. Sorry to say this but I believe it will only get worse with time. Good luck xx

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AdalindSchade · 16/12/2017 18:11

You don't need his permission to end the relationship and you don't have to stay in it because other people approve.
You simply aren't compatible and he's not making you happy. The answer is obvious.

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SweetBerries · 16/12/2017 18:12

Nah it’s not your implant sweet pea, it’s him. I’ve had this in previous relationships...they do what they want, promise to change when you get the gumption to end it, and then may do for around a day...before the cycle begins again.

You don’t live together (technically) you have no shared responsibilities but those things will come. You aren’t happy. Get out before they do. It will be easier on you and trust me when I say that you WILL be happier on your own that constantly trying to make something work that so clearly is not.

And regarding the implant...no. It’s him. I mean the timing might be coincidental but nothing more. You sound wonderful. You deserve better.

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