Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Think I was love bombed

(34 Posts)
MozzchopsThirty Thu 14-Dec-17 16:56:01

And now it's over and I'm so gutted.

First person I've trusted in a long time. He seemed very grounded and confident in his own skin.

Lots of attention initially, constant texts, phonecalls, would message me at 5.30 am when he woke up.
Told his kids about me, his friends, he talked about us having holidays & trips.
This in the space of about 2-3 weeks

Now over the last week the contact has lessened, the nice messages stopped and it made me feel very anxious and on edge.

Today he told me he doesn't see us being together, doesn't miss me during the week, doesn't even think about me.
Then said 'I'm just not falling for you the way I thought I was'

I feel like I've been punched sad
How could I be so wrong? So stupid?

letsdolunch321 Thu 14-Dec-17 17:00:11

Hi there,

You have not been stupid.

Clearly by his actions he was sending out the wrong signals.

I would say you have had a lucky escape. He sounds a total TWAT

QueenNovo Thu 14-Dec-17 17:00:37

I think you've dodged a bullet, but that level of neediness would drive me nuts. Messages at 5.30am other than in an emergency, yeah piss off with that.

MozzchopsThirty Thu 14-Dec-17 17:06:29

But I really liked him
I trusted him
I had him to my house (which I never do)

When the fuck am I going to learn??
I just keep dating these freaks

IHaveBrilloHair Thu 14-Dec-17 17:08:41

I'd run a mile at that.
He sounds like a dick, but you sound open to it?

MinnieMul Thu 14-Dec-17 17:10:28

This happened to me last week and it is actually more painful than you expect it to be. I never let someone into my life that quickly and then suddently I do everything seems great and suddenly he says its not working and he isn't ready for a relationship, even though he was the one pushing. I still feel like I don't have closure but nothing can be done! You'll find someone better!

MozzchopsThirty Thu 14-Dec-17 17:12:29

We both said we weren't after anything major, he hadn't (he said) had sex since his marriage broke down 2 years ago.
He'd had a few unsuccessful dates.

He just played the quiet guy looking for miss right very well

I like attention and he gave it in spades.
So yes I probably am open to it from someone I really liked.
If previous man had done that I would've blocked him as I didn't want all that from him

TheNaze73 Thu 14-Dec-17 17:15:09

He’s a cock but, you know that.

Think with your head & not your heart with new relationships. You’d have seen the red flags & not embraced them

MozzchopsThirty Thu 14-Dec-17 17:15:46

Minnie yes it hurts unbelievably
More than the end of my last relationship (3years)

Because I just don't understand what happened?
And it makes me feel like there's something wrong with me

cherryontopp Thu 14-Dec-17 17:17:15

If anyone is like that thw first 2/3 weeks, its signs they are either playing a game or mental problems.
You probably just unconsciously wanted to be in a relationship and believe it (I have had this happened)
Next time you'll know to watch out for the signals flowers

DasPepe Thu 14-Dec-17 17:19:20

I'm sorry!
Clearly he was just riding a high of thhe initial attraction, like an immature teenager. He probably thought his feelings were "genuine".

So definitely not Mr grown up or reliable.

Try and channel your sadness and anger in some way until you feel better.

As others have said - dodged a

Insomeotheruniverse Thu 14-Dec-17 17:22:07

Have you only been seeing him 2-3 weeks? That’s way too soon to be telling his kids and friends about you and talking holidays. Didn’t this behaviour sound alarm bells in your head?

If this is the kind of attention you need so soon into a relationship then it’s probably best to leave dating alone for a bit and see how you can learn to make yourself happy. That way you’ll become more confident in yourself and won’t need the validation from love bombers when you do start dating again.

Keep busy and go out with friends and you’ll soon forget about him.

MozzchopsThirty Thu 14-Dec-17 17:25:25

It had been about 6 weeks but the last 2 he had backed off

I was very very happy prior to this, had been single 4 months, not really interested in finding someone, got lovely friends, lovely dcs and work / career going well

I just don't know why I fell for it. I feel stupid, and used

AFistfulOfDolores Thu 14-Dec-17 17:28:16

While his behaviour has been pretty shit, OP, I think it'll be worth exploring for yourself why you thought that messaging at 5.30 am, and talking about family holidays and trips at 2 - 3 weeks in was desirable.

I've been there. I had my heart torn open similarly. It took me on a painful journey of realising how quickly I gave up everything for men who were never worth it. I realised how I probably dodged a massive bullet.

Now if someone were to text me at 5.30 am, I'd be declaring the relationship over.

MinnieMul Thu 14-Dec-17 17:39:26

Yes, I am the same, I could understand where my longer relationship broke down! I felt so worthless last week but starting to realise that it is probably more his issue than anything wrong with me. I think they like to play games sometimes, makes them feel more important!

Teensandfuture Thu 14-Dec-17 17:39:31

From my OLD experiense anyone saying that they looking for Miss Right (not relationship,not see how it goes) just looking for someone flawless ( in their eyes) and ready to dismiss you after idolising (narcissist?).
Tgey are just not worth the trouble. I see the phrase "looking for Miss right" as a red flag now!

MozzchopsThirty Thu 14-Dec-17 18:38:36

He's just messaged asking why I blocked him on fb

Then 'I'm not thinking clearly I just need some space'

formerbabe Thu 14-Dec-17 18:52:24

I'm always super suspicious of men who act really keen from the start like that. It seems so disingenuous. You're put up high on a pedestal and the only way is down.

Anyway, you've dodged a bullet. Block and move on.

CR7987 Thu 14-Dec-17 18:52:55

You need to not let men in so quickly. Lots of early stage red flags on show with his behaviour

MozzchopsThirty Thu 14-Dec-17 19:05:03

In the past I've been described as too guarded, or having walls up or being 'hard' (even by my own mother)

So I can't win really

TheNaze73 Thu 14-Dec-17 19:21:05

You can win though OP.

By being true to yourself

Straycatblue Thu 14-Dec-17 21:16:07

He's just messaged asking why I blocked him on fb
Then 'I'm not thinking clearly I just need some space'

So you need to see the difference between what what he is telling you and what his actions are showing you.

He has finished with you today and yet when you take charge of the situation and block him , ie show you can cope without him, he tries to reel you back in, NOT to be in a relationhip with you, but to keep his options open. ie you are now the back up plan.

Don't be anybody's back up plan.

TheSnowFairy Thu 14-Dec-17 22:51:41

Op, it's only been 6 weeks. This one will fade into distant memories, it's such a tiny weeny percentage of your life wink

JesusChristFenton Fri 15-Dec-17 04:13:53

Hi Mozzchops!

I’ve had the same thing done to me too the past few months, except he hasn’t actually told me he doesn’t want to see me anymore..he’s just majorly backed off. It feels like I’ve been punched in the chest.
The grand gestures and sweet words weren’t something I was used to and fell for it hook, line and sinker.

Do they learn this shit in school?!

Well done for blocking him! I would suggest no contact from now. Ignore ignore ignore.

Soon he will be completely insignificant to you.

daisychain01 Fri 15-Dec-17 05:05:33

He has treated you like a disposable object, then when he delivered the message, he didn't quite get the response he was looking for. Tough shit, I say.

Send him the link to the wonderful song by Beautiful South

[Twat-Features whines ....]

I need a little space
To work it out
I need a little room
All alone
I need a little...

[Mozz now hits him with ......

You need a little room for your big head
Don't you, don't you
You need a little space for a thousand beds
Won't you, won't you

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: