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Do I tell new guy I saw him on dating website?

(52 Posts)
leftmyheartintokyo Thu 14-Dec-17 16:13:49

I've been dating a guy for three months - I initially thought things were going well, however I have recently sensed him pulling back.

Today I logged onto tinder out of curiosity and have seen that not only has he logged in but also has been updating his profile.

Obviously it's going nowhere now.

I want to message him to tell him he's made a spelling mistake... should I?

Flicketyflack Thu 14-Dec-17 16:14:50

Why not?

MsGameandWatching Thu 14-Dec-17 16:15:14

I'd ghost him.

TatianaLarina Thu 14-Dec-17 16:15:50

For sure. Bad spelling is one of my gripes.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 14-Dec-17 16:16:11

Yep - do it - then block him.
Mind you, after 3 months I'd not consider it a committed relationship.
I've been seeing someone 6 months and I still go on Tinder and have a browse.
It's very addictive.
And I updated my age as I got a year older.
Doesn't mean I'm about to go out with another man but I like to keep my options open!

leftmyheartintokyo Thu 14-Dec-17 16:16:27

Obviously it will have the dual effect of basically ending things. But then, if someone is still on tinder after 3 months, obviously they're not really invested.

Battleax Thu 14-Dec-17 16:17:15

want to message him to tell him he's made a spelling mistake... should I?

Then never speak to him again? I like it.

MsGameandWatching Thu 14-Dec-17 16:18:11

I wouldn't tell him. Just dump. Leave him wondering.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Thu 14-Dec-17 16:20:38

Correct his spelling then get him gone! I wouldn't be impressed either OP, I don't really buy into this whole 'exclusivity chat' malarkey, more often than not it's just used as an excuse for shit behaviour.

ComtesseDeSpair Thu 14-Dec-17 16:22:45

"Thought things were going well" isn't quite the same as "we have talked and agreed that they are going well and we are not seeing other people." If you haven't done the latter then it's one of those situations where things are a bit blurry - personally I assume that until we've agreed we're exclusive, we aren't; but I know some people assume the opposite. Have you had that conversation?

Or, just bin him off if you're unhappy, and it's just a lesson learned for next time to communicate clearly about expectations and boundaries.

ComtesseDeSpair Thu 14-Dec-17 16:25:10

And no - don't message about the spelling mistake. Because you aren't actually messaging about the spelling mistake: you're messaging to let him know you've seen his profile is still active and you don't like it. So either just say that, or say nothing at all.

Zoesweet Thu 14-Dec-17 16:27:26

Dump and leave him wondering made me laugh. Yeah, tell him you saw him on a dating site. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I don't know about the spelling though smile

Bunkai Thu 14-Dec-17 16:27:33

But you were on Tinder too?

TheNaze73 Thu 14-Dec-17 16:29:49

Bunkai Beat me to it....

So you’re on Tinder yourself? confused

Smeaton Thu 14-Dec-17 16:35:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AFistfulOfDolores Thu 14-Dec-17 16:36:06

If you haven't had the exclusivity talk, then he can be on Tinder. If you have, then it's worth asking yourself why you were on there too ...

EverythingEverywhere1234 Thu 14-Dec-17 16:36:44

I missed the fact the OP was on tinder herself 🤦🏼‍♀️

eastlondoner Thu 14-Dec-17 16:38:35

I'd just dump him and leave him wondering why smile

leftmyheartintokyo Thu 14-Dec-17 16:42:35

I went on to see if he had been on because a friend told me she had seen him...

AFistfulOfDolores Thu 14-Dec-17 16:44:31

Ah. Then my first point only applies. If you have talked exclusivity, then he's out of order. If you haven't, or you've only assumed it, then I think he's perfectly within his rights to be there, even if it does mean that he's losing interest.

leftmyheartintokyo Thu 14-Dec-17 16:45:55

We haven't talked exclusivity but obviously he is losing interest...

MyBrilliantDisguise Thu 14-Dec-17 16:46:22

Will he be able to see that you've seen his profile?

AFistfulOfDolores Thu 14-Dec-17 16:47:58

The problem then is assumptions - and poor communication. And it may simply be that you're not suited to each other. Other posters may say he's an arse by being on Tinder, but, really, it doesn't sound like you were in a place together where you could talk deeply enough to assess your relationship and lay down some boundaries.

Really sorry though. That has to suck. flowers

Mumof56 Thu 14-Dec-17 16:49:14

But then, if someone is still on tinder after 3 months, obviously they're not really invested

Like you

however I have recently sensed him pulling back.Today I logged onto tinder out of curiosity


I went on to see if he had been on because a friend told me she had seen him

And you had to double check.

DarkNightDelight Thu 14-Dec-17 16:49:20

Trust ya gut, after 3 months I'd be wanting to make it official, the fact that he's updated it says all you need to know.

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