Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Husband looking up local (attractive) lady and her husband up on FB

(33 Posts)
upsidedown2017 Thu 14-Dec-17 09:47:34

I've just spotted on his iPad browsing history that my husband has looked up a local man and his attractive wife on Facebook. He doesn't actually use Facebook except to operate his business page so he has only looked at these 2 people and they wouldn't have been suggested as 'people you may know' - he would have actively had to type the names in I think.

What would you do? I'm slightly concerned that the woman is very much his type and he has possibly met her in the course of his work.

Do I ask him about it?

Jobjobjob Thu 14-Dec-17 10:05:15

Blimey, from looking at a Facebook profile to thing he's having an affair?

Any other reason to suspect anything?

Nicolamarlow1 Thu 14-Dec-17 10:07:58

People look others up on FB just out of interest, it's no indication that things will escalate from there.

upsidedown2017 Thu 14-Dec-17 10:08:22

No, I'm not thinking he's having an affair - I realise this isn't a huge discovery in itself. I'm just wondering if I should ask him who she is and why he's looking her up on Facebook.

upsidedown2017 Thu 14-Dec-17 10:09:34

@Nicolamarlow1 - but he'd only do so because he met her and found her attractive - she obviously sparked his interest enough to seek her out. Is this a concern? Ignore and don't mention?

mindutopia Thu 14-Dec-17 10:09:38

Unless you have any reason to suspect there is more to this, I wouldn't even be wasting time thinking about it. I look up random people on Facebook all the time (and snoop on their partners too) as does my husband. We also have a business and a business Facebook page and pretty much always check out people who post or contact us for things or sometimes just to be nosey as we like to see the sort of people who are contacting us for work. Most of them are local, some of them are attractive. It wouldn't even occur to me to think anything more of it. But is there a reason you are? Otherwise, sure, ask him about it, but you might come across as a bit paranoid.

Jobjobjob Thu 14-Dec-17 10:09:51

But you think she's "his type" there seems to be a huge amount off distrust?

bonfireheart Thu 14-Dec-17 10:09:52

He's already had an affair with her, you're too late.

stuckfornames Thu 14-Dec-17 10:11:07

In my relationship, if I was concerned or curious then I would ask. DH wouldn't be annoyed.

Littlechocola Thu 14-Dec-17 10:11:12

Maybe he met them and then looked them up.
Unless he’s into threesomes obviously.

upsidedown2017 Thu 14-Dec-17 10:12:17

I guess my concern is that we've gone through an extremely rough few years due to certain stresses and this feels like he's 'looking elsewhere' and has checked out of the relationship. I just feel a bit hurt by it and uneasy as I know my DH and I don't believe there's any other reason other than he fancied her. It's just a sign that he's looking elsewhere.

stickytoffeevodka Thu 14-Dec-17 10:14:38

I look up loads of random people on Facebook. It doesn't mean I fancy any of them, I'm just nosy! My Facebook search history is full of the most random people, honestly. I think you're worrying about nothing.

Why are you looking at his browsing history?

FoxgloveStar Thu 14-Dec-17 10:15:26

There could be any number of reasons why I might look someone up on Facebook. Maybe I met them. Maybe they are applying for a job. In a trusting relationship a partner should not be looking up browsing history.

Sounds like there are some trust issues in your relationship.

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats Thu 14-Dec-17 10:16:10

I look up the most random people. Like oh I wonder how X I use to work/go to school with is doing these days. Then maybe have a wee nosey on their partners page. I suppose if my dh looked at my people I have looked at he could think the same as you. Except my answer would be it was totally innocent and it would be true. If there's nothing else to go on I'd not be bothered.

Except why were you checking up who he has been searching for?

Louiseandhercubs Thu 14-Dec-17 10:16:14

Yes she might be attractive and she may be his type but he may actually know her. Mah have gone to school/college/uni with her and bumped into her.

I understand why you feel the way you do it you've had a few stressful years but I would probably work on yourself and your own self esteem. It sounds like you have little belief in yourself d

Louiseandhercubs Thu 14-Dec-17 10:17:33

I think unless he was looking up exs or ex flings I wouldn't be worried

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats Thu 14-Dec-17 10:18:31

Also just to reiterate what someone else said. When someone messages our business page we sometimes will check their page to see if they reviewed other businesses if my husband when first going to give a price gets the impression they could be a nightmare.

upsidedown2017 Thu 14-Dec-17 10:19:43

@Louiseandhercubs no, it's definitely somebody he's recently met, lives in our village where we've only been a little over a year and I can only imagine he's met her through his work unless via a dating/sex app!!

upsidedown2017 Thu 14-Dec-17 10:23:06

@FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats - I get what you're saying, makes sense, but I really don't think my DH would do that. I've never known him to look anyone up wouldn't make sense in his line of work to check potential customers.

upsidedown2017 Thu 14-Dec-17 10:26:41

Am also wondering at what point you call it a day with a relationship but I guess that's a whole new thread. Feeling like I've already given up on it.

Louiseandhercubs Thu 14-Dec-17 10:46:10

I think only you can decide when to call it a day. Do you really want his to continue.

I'm a firm believer that any problem in a relationship can be fixed. Both parties just have to want to

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats Thu 14-Dec-17 11:24:10

I guess you call it a day when you feel like its bring you more bad times than good. When it's no longer mutually benefitting you both being together, when you can imagine and possibly even would enjoy not being with the person. Any number of reasons really. There is the saying love isn't everything. Sometimes people do still love each other but it just isn't working.

Candlefairy101 Thu 14-Dec-17 12:12:53

My husband went through a 'phase' when I was pregnant constantly typing a certain girls name in Facebook, I'm talking some days 5x a day!

He's never met her but she lives down the road from us and is pet of the same ish circle of friends.

Nothing ever came from it and once I found out he stopped but that also meant he had to stop his Facebook business page.

I never asked him to stay away from Facebook but I think he did it so there was no temptation or to ease my mind, I'm not sure.

upsidedown2017 Thu 14-Dec-17 12:26:43

@Candlefairy101 how on earth do you deal with that in your mind?! You just accept it? I just don't feel like I can be bothered anymore. If your partner is looking elsewhere what's the point?!

upsidedown2017 Thu 14-Dec-17 12:34:11

@FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats @Louiseandhercubs I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know whether I'm feeling depressed which is making me view things especially negatively or whether the state of the relationship is what's making me feel so low. Completely gutted that 2 children are involved in all this.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: