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A totally fictitious problem. Honest.

(27 Posts)
idiot1234567890 Wed 13-Dec-17 23:56:42

Imagine, if you will, you are in a relationship of 10 years. You have 3 amazing children with this man. You were engaged to him, but thanks to a rocky patch last year, aren't now.

Now imagine that in August you discovered he had been cheating on you (ea and pa) for almost 2 years. One fifth of your fucking relationship. kinda explains the rocky patch tho, huh

Now imagine you opted to stay for many painful and boring reasons that feel too pathetic to list. Then listen to your DCs asking 'what are we giving daddy for Christmas?' On fucking loop!

A chastity belt? A fucking but cracker?! I don't bloody know!

So I ask, no beg.... those who didn't immediately opt out, what do you buy the cunt when you're still too angry to function yet have young kids so kinda have to get something.

I'm running out of time and stress is the last thing I need.

overnightangel Wed 13-Dec-17 23:58:44

If that was how I felt I wouldn’t be staying with him.
Life is too short to be unhappy and make yourself ill with resentment
Not really an environment I’d be wanting to bring up 3 children in

Mxyzptlk Wed 13-Dec-17 23:58:46

Ask the DCs what they would like to get for him and buy that, if it's not expensive.

SnowBallsAreHere Thu 14-Dec-17 00:00:06

Give the kids £5 each and let them loose in a shop.
Don’t overthink it. It’s thwir present to their dad.
And especially if you direct them to spend their £5 in Poundland, that’s a whole lot of crap that they chose and he can never get rid of ;)

Desmondo2016 Thu 14-Dec-17 00:00:08

Yep.. a passive aggressive stance . Soemthing that will tick the box for the kids but be blatantly obviously a kick in the bollocks from you.

Animation86 Thu 14-Dec-17 00:00:31

Yeah , leave it to the kids

Get him fuck all. Why gift him?

SciFiFan2015 Thu 14-Dec-17 00:02:38

Buy him something that you love but he hates. Bonus if this gets repeated every single gift giving occasion. Something like a box of after eights or similar.

averylongtimeago Thu 14-Dec-17 00:03:09

Something he will hate but the kids will love....I saw some really tasteless musical novelty socks in asda.
Or the sort of present that's not for him - sweets or a game only the kids really like.

On the other hand, when I was in my teens after one of my aunties told me how my dad had treated my DM before their divorce he left while I was a baby I bought him a new waste paper basket.

junebirthdaygirl Thu 14-Dec-17 00:08:20

If you are staying ye need to sort things as this is not a good atmoshere for your children or for you. If you hate him this much and that is understandable the children will pick up on it and it will eat away at you.
Meanwhile buy him a mug or other useless bland item.

longingforalife Thu 14-Dec-17 00:13:51

I've bought my ex, who's still in the house till we can sell it, a kettle from ASDA for his (hopefully crappy little hovel) next home. With a subtext of accept a fucking offer, twat

blackdoggotmytongue Thu 14-Dec-17 00:17:10

I would use the money to book a counsellor in the new year and examine your motivations and life plans, and work out whether you can overcome the painful and boring list of reasons you felt you had to stay.

but yeah. Let the kids loose with a fiver each in pound land.

<and I know it was unintentional, and a nut cracker would have been just as good (in some ways better - and symbolically a nut cracker would be fabuloso) but , 'butt cracker' made me laugh too.>

You sound so sad. Don't feel you have to live your life like this xx

Cricrichan Thu 14-Dec-17 00:44:20

I second letting the kids loose in poundland or getting him something for the house that's really for you.

BoomBoomsCousin Thu 14-Dec-17 01:03:16

I like some of the presents above. If you are staying mainly for your kids and trying to provide a stable home life for them, then a present that is clearly shit or will wind him up is probably undermining the whole point of staying. In that case, the kids at Poundland might work. I wouldn't go with a gift that's really for the house because I don't want my kids thinking gifts are practical in that way. My go-to for people I don't really like is normally a book because that can give the appearance you think about them and their "inner life" when in reality it's just what's cheap at the shop.

BenLui Thu 14-Dec-17 01:08:09

Presents aren’t necessary. I adore my DH but we don’t do presents for each other at Christmas, it just adds unnecessary stress.

I agree with pp, give the kids a small amount of money and let them choose something. Make him aware that’s what you have done.

ShatnersWig Thu 14-Dec-17 08:18:16

Sorry, but I find it hard to believe your children aren't picking up the hostility at home. Kids spot parent acting a mile off.

OldBook Thu 14-Dec-17 08:45:45

A suitcase to pack up his stuff

TatianaLarina Thu 14-Dec-17 08:58:53

I know you don’t want to but I’d rethink the staying together stance, it’s not going to work.

As for presents: ‘Not Just Friends - Shirley Glass’, Series 1 of ‘Doctor Foster, ‘The Affair’ box set?

Animation86 Thu 14-Dec-17 11:13:13

Haha I literally came on to post “Not Just Friends”

Offred Thu 14-Dec-17 11:19:50

I don’t think it is right for you to be together at all if this is how you really feel.

You can’t stay together ‘for the kids’ and then recruit them into revenge... hmm

Louiseandhercubs Thu 14-Dec-17 11:23:01

I think you really need to think about why your together. I'm a firm believer that even the worst relationships can come out stronger. But both parties must want it. You've both got to work.

Why don't you try a sentimental gift from the kids? Get some plates/mugs that are plain white and some ceramic pens and let the kids design them. Gives the kids a Activity and your DH has a lovely present from his children

Bluetrews25 Thu 14-Dec-17 14:20:40

Divorce papers?

abbsisspartacus Thu 14-Dec-17 14:24:25

Lots of dad tat from the kids rise above it all when they are older they won't remember Christmas in a bad light (unlike my parents who dropped it on me boxing day)

Angelf1sh Thu 14-Dec-17 18:05:14

What Dirty Den once got Angie for Christmas (divorce papers in case you’re not old enough).

BoomBoomsCousin Thu 14-Dec-17 18:12:55

Sorry, but I find it hard to believe your children aren't picking up the hostility at home. Kids spot parent acting a mile off.

I don't think that's as true as is normally trotted out here. So many of my friends' parents split up after they left home and while some were not at all surprised, plenty did not see it coming at all and thought their parents were happy together. Mine split up when I was a kid but put on a show so we could still have family holidays and Christmas together some years and I believed they were happy to spend the time together until my mum set me straight in my 30s.

Louiseandhercubs Thu 14-Dec-17 18:21:46

Yes I do agree children don't always know. In my case my partner moved out a few weeks ago whilst he sorts his MH issues out. My children are none the wiser and think he's working. When we see each other we are normal.

It would depend how you were acting around DC if you were having blazing rows smashing crockery etc then you would.

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