Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Anyone up? Found out dp cheated today and I can't sleep

(38 Posts)
Littlebean13 Wed 13-Dec-17 23:41:56

I'm just devastated.
Saw the messages on his phone to ow this afternoon. Rung her up and she admitted it all. It's only been going on for a couple of weeks. She had no idea he had a girlfriend which I know is true as he said the same.
I'm just so fucking angry. We moved in together less than a month ago. Opened a joint account and became financially tied to each other.
Why the fuck has he done it? Not just to me but to my beautiful ds who adores him why would he do that to him? Why ruin our lives for some cheap thrill and abit of attention?
I honestly thought our relationship was the strongest it has been the past few weeks. I thought we were happy and he kept dropping hints he was going to propose at xmas.
How do I get over this? My hearts breaking sad

elephantoverthehill Wed 13-Dec-17 23:46:38

Oh that is awful, but please sort out your own bank account again asap. flowers

Orlandointhewilderness Wed 13-Dec-17 23:49:05

oh lovely, didn't want to read and run. So so sorry to hear this. I know it doesn't feel like it, trust me I know, but you will get through this. You are stronger than you feel right now.

notapizzaeater Wed 13-Dec-17 23:50:26

Have you spoken to him yet .? What do you want to do?

Apileofballyhoo Thu 14-Dec-17 00:00:17

I'm sorry this has happened to you. Did he move into yours or did you move into his, or did you get a new place together?

I'd be telling him to move out. Is your DS his? Because if you don't have DC together I'd be thanking my lucky stars. What age is your DS?

Littlebean13 Thu 14-Dec-17 00:08:49

We moved in to a new house together. Luckily it is only rented and he is the main tenant, i'm just a named tenant.
Ds is 4 and no he isn't his. He adores him and my heart breaks for my poor boy
I just don't know where I go from here.

rainbowduck Thu 14-Dec-17 00:09:03

I am so sorry!!! If he is doing this in the honeymoon period, I wouldn't trust him when you settle down into the dull and domestic period.

Apileofballyhoo Thu 14-Dec-17 00:13:31

Have you been together long? Just - your DS will be ok. As long as his Mum is ok, he'll be ok.

It's very hard to understand why anyone would do this.

Littlebean13 Thu 14-Dec-17 00:19:03

We've been together around 18months. I know deep down ds will be ok but i'm just so angry he could do this to us.
Ds has settled so quickly in this house he loves his new room. I can't afford to keep this house on my own, my wage doesn't even cover the rent.
I think the worst past is I can't understand why he has done it

AnnieAnoniMouse Thu 14-Dec-17 00:26:31

Why did he do it? God knows. Stupid, selfish fuckwit.

Please tell me you aren’t thinking of staying with him?.

Italiangreyhound Thu 14-Dec-17 00:28:04

Really worry, what an arse he is. thanks Sorry for your boy too, very unkind of him to do this.

Littlebean13 Thu 14-Dec-17 00:30:00

Oh no i've made him pack his bags and leave. I've got his keys and kept one in the door so he can't come back in tonight if he trys and i'm ignoring his calls/texts
The trust is totally gone now and as hard as it is I won't let myself be disrespected like that

MiddleClassProblem Thu 14-Dec-17 00:31:38

This is awful. He may not know why he’s done it so you may not be able to get that answer for a while.

Where were you before you moved in with him?

underthebluemoon Thu 14-Dec-17 00:33:45

Poor you. Remember it is a reflection on him, not you or your relationship. He's probably done it before. Glad you kicked him out. Stay strong.

walnutwhip88 Thu 14-Dec-17 00:36:55

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

hollowtree Thu 14-Dec-17 00:38:14

So sorry OP. I wonder why people have to do this too, it's so unfair and unkind, I hope you're ok and well done for putting yourself and your son first. He doesn't deserve either of you!

AnnieAnoniMouse Thu 14-Dec-17 00:44:11

I’m pleased you’re being so strong about this. It’s really hard, but it’s definitely the way forward.

Of course DS will miss him & be upset, initially, but he will get over it & it’s the best thing for him long term too.

You need to remember that this isn’t about you, it’s about him. It kicked my self esteeem hard & I did all the usual questioning of myself, but when a famous, mega wealthy, shit together, extremely attractive woman made it public her partner had cheated on her, it clicked with me. Being prettier, sexier, funnier, more successful doesn’t make any difference, it’s not about what’s lacking in the person cheated ON, it’s what’s lacking in the one who cheats.

It’s really, really shit, but better you found out now that he’s a twat than further down the line when DS is older, you’re more financially tangled up & possibly had a child with him. At least you can make a clean break now.

Big hugs & 🍷

Weezol Thu 14-Dec-17 00:52:39

What you do now is be kind to yourself and know that today, you did everything right for you and DS. star

You may well not sleep because your system is chock-full of adrenaline. And that's okay, it will settle. Have plenty of water and try to have a small snack if you can face it to help settle you body.

Excellent work with the bags, keys etc. I did the same thing some years ago when I discovered my (now former) husband was unfaithful. Looking back I'm amazed I was so quick thinking and it's now a quiet source of pride to me that I was that strong at such a time.

Miamiapods Thu 14-Dec-17 00:56:28

Aww I had the same thing happen to me tonight! Ahh I'm turning lesbian

Littlebean13 Thu 14-Dec-17 01:09:54

There all just arseholes aren't they! Seriously is there any good men about? I really hand on heart thought he was as close to perfect as you can get. Respectful or so i thought, kind, caring, loving, amazing with ds.
Really used to count my lucky stars I had dropped on someone so amazing
You're all right, I know ds and I will be ok eventually and a part of me is grateful I found out now before we became anymore seriously involved.

Isitwinteryet Thu 14-Dec-17 01:20:21

Sorry to hear that littlebean, there are good ones out there, believe me. smile hoping you find one soon! flowers

Apileofballyhoo Thu 14-Dec-17 07:10:10

Glad you've been so strong. Your DS will be ok. flowers

Littlebean13 Thu 14-Dec-17 08:43:19

Thank you all for your kind words and support last night. I think it always seems so much worse in the night when your alone.
Feel worse this morning but i'm going to get on with my day as usual and keep busy.
Again thank you all so much flowers

Biddylee Thu 14-Dec-17 09:03:20

Really sorry to hear what happened to you. Can you get housing benefit (universal credit) for the new house so that you don't have to move?

hellsbellsmelons Thu 14-Dec-17 09:23:46

I'm sorry this has happened.
I've no idea why they do it.
The thrill, excitement, because they can, because they are weak and pathetic.
No-one knows.
You'll drive yourself insane trying to figure it out so don't do that.
I've been there more than once - got the t-shirt and the mug.
You'll get through this. You sound strong already.
But the shock will hit soon enough the adrenalin will go.
So keep hydrated and keep your sugar levels up.
Look after yourself.
Keep busy. Visit friends and family.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: