Not sure how to be in a long distance relationship!

[excitedbutafraid]

I have recently met someone who I really like. We have so much in common, get on really well and have a very similar outlook on life.

On paper he is really ideal (so far). The only thing that makes me worry about the future is that he travels a lot for work and is due to leave the country soon for about 5 months. I have never been in any sort of long distance relationship before and tbh I'm not sure how I will deal with it. The lack of intimacy, just missing him in general and not being able to do anything about it!

Does anyone have any experience with this? How do you deal with it?

I should also say that we are not actually IN a relationship yet because we agreed that, since we didn't meet that long ago and because he is going away, that we would stay in touch while he is away and review the situation when he gets home. But we do both want something when he does get back.

[Marveldc]

I can't say I have had a relationship where my other half was away for months at a time. I struggled when my partner was away for a couple of weeks for work.
I would say IMO don't put your life on hold. If you're not in a relationship before he goes away then keep in touch, and see what happens in 5 months.
I don't know all the details but unless you're committed to only each other then anything could happen for either of you in 5 months.

[rememberthetime]

My partner and I met 3 days before he disappeared back home to the other side of the world. I saw him 6 months later. In that time we found out so much about each other. Talked and texted all the time and fell in love remotely. We are still together in a log distance relationship after one year. It can work if you want it to.

[Justmuddlingalong]

How recently did you get together?

[MikeUniformMike]

Carry on living your life but keep in touch.

[SooticaTheWitchesCat]

When I was first with my Dh we were living abroad and there were a couple fo times I came home for a couple of months and he stayed there. Also when we decide to move back to the UK I came home for 3 months before he joined me.

It was hard at times but knowing that it wasn't going to be forever kept us going.

[mindutopia]

I think just enjoy the time you have together now, keep in touch while he's away and see what happens. I would just iron out before he leaves whether you are actually in a relationship and whether you both intend to date other people while you're apart, so there's no misunderstanding. More than likely the time apart will either just put an end to it and make you realise you aren't that committed to each other and a serious relationship or it will solidify that things are serious when he returns.

My dh and I were long distance (opposite sides of the world) for 2.5 years. We dated for about 8 months (while we were both living overseas in another country) before we both returned home to our respective countries. We knew we were in a relationship by that point (not seeing anyone else) and that it was pretty serious (like we moved home planning for one of us to eventually move to the others' country and to get married in the future). I think in a way that probably makes it more difficult because you're already invested in the relationship and you know there is so much at stake. Also, it was for such a long time (we knew how long it would be when we moved home as we both had professional commitments for the next 2 years that would prevent us from up and moving just yet).

We made it work by planning visits to see each other. We flew to see each other about every 2-3 months and we didn't go home without a plan for whoever would visit next, when it would be, and usually our flights booked. If it's serious enough, could you make a plan to go visit him? Maybe after 2 months or so to break it up? And then we just emailed and chatted online regularly, pretty much every day (with time difference, we rarely could call because one of us was usually at work or on the way to class or whatever).

I think though as it's still so new, just enjoy your time together now and see what happens and maybe make plans to visit or meet up in the middle at some point. You'll know by the time he gets home if there's anything to it.

[Ellisandra]

Yes, because flowers and gifts prove true intentions

OP, forget gimmicks and talk - but don't over invest.

[Jessybear90]

Hi OP.

Long distance is totally do-able but it would depend on what long term goals you both have.

My DP is in the military and was when I first met him. When we first met it was only casual and then it got serious. We had talks and decided we wanted to be together and we loved together for a year (rented) to see if it worked.

During that year he was constantly away but we kept in touch where we could and he even flew me out to see him abroad where he could as well. It worked really well so we decided to buy a house together.

It's so nice for us both to have a "base" to come back to together although obviously he is away more often than he is not.

It's a different way of life that's for sure but th crap parts, the missing him, the lonely night etc are so worth it when we see each other again for the first time in months, it's like falling in love all over again

You need some like minded friends also to be supportive while he is away.

It would also depend on the type of person you are too? If you are quite needy then it won't work. I'm not needy with men and I have my own life, job, hobbies and friends which I maintain even when DP comes home.

I found that this is the best relationship I've ever had because I'm finding that I just really appreciate him so much more than o did someone that was there every day and living in my pocket. But everyone's experience is different. Some will tell you it's miserable, but my experience has been wonderfully positive.

I'll say this. Long distance isn't the fairy tale life, but it is the fairy tale love

[excitedbutafraid]

Tbh I am quite needy. I do think though that, given my past relationship history, this has not served me well at all and I really need to learn to do things differently. It feels like he could be the one that makes me change a lifetime of bad habits. But it's just too soon to know and I'm scared that he will forget about me while he's gone.

We have agreed that both of us will not hold back from meeting/sleeping with other people while he is away (although not actively seek them out either) but we both want to be together when he gets back. I'm not holding my breath but I just hope for the best if you see what I mean!

We met about 6 weeks ago.

[LoveInTokyo]

Just take things one day at a time and see how it goes. If you both want to be together then you will stay together and make it work. If it's not the real deal then it won't work out. You can't know until you try.

When I met my OH he was living in another country. We did long distance for five years (seeing each other every 2-3 weeks) and then I moved to his country and now we are getting married.

[techqueen]

Hi, my partner is in the military and he was deployed for six months, 10 weeks after we met!

We were really getting on well so we decided to give it a go. It's not easy - the first month we ended up having some quite ridiculously intense conversations online which we then pulled back from because it just eventually felt overwhelming. We were able to be in touch a lot, which is quite unusual in these circumstances but also kind of made things harder I think as at first we both felt this pressure to try to build on what we had as often as we could.

My advice would be,be in touch regularly but not constantly, keep the chat light, friendly, affectionate (and sometimes sexy!) And don't be tempted to over-emotionalise it all.

Good luck xx