Christmas Presents

[DietCokeIsBae]

So I'll preface this by saying that I'm the sort of person who likes to please people and save face because I've found that if I don't my family almost always make a thing out of it.

I have a fairly big family, two brothers and two sisters (all younger than me by at least 7 years so they're mainly older teenagers) and this past few years my relationship with my brothers is deteriorating. The eldest had made nasty comments about me and my unborn baby (who is now 3 months) and is generally not a very nice person as most of my siblings are falling out with him (he's made very homophobic comments in the presence of my sister who is bisexual). My other brother was initially just drifting away naturally as he's busy started a-levels and got a new girlfriend but he also has noticeably shown disdain for me and my sisters lately (incredibly sexist and we are feminist and will talk about that) and the effort he shows towards us has declined considerably.

Previously we have all had a very close relationship but it's all crumbling because of our differences. So my question is, when the boys have shown absolutely no effort at all at my birthday last week, there's not much chance they'll have made any effort towards me, my partner or son at Christmas.

Should I be the bigger person and get them a small thing for Christmas knowing it won't be reciprocated or do I not bother and potentially get a comment made by a family member about the fact that they are the only ones without gifts?

A daft problem to have in the grand scheme of things I know but I really dislike putting in unappreciated and unreciprocated effort - it happens constantly to me with my family.

Thanks! X

[Tinselistacky]

Cards only, you are well entitled to keep your money for people who appreciate it - and respect you.

[DietCokeIsBae]

I've not got any cards this year, they'd literally get nothing. Would that be bad?

(and I agree that tinsel is tacky )

[Tinselistacky]

If you have social media just put a generic Christmas message up!! And sod them all!!

[Nannyplumbrocks]

Maybe get something small but hold off giving it until you see if they give you something first. If not dont bother

[rcit]

Just get them a small thing

[charlie753]

So I would take a different path. If you are drifting apart you don't want to be the one who will inevitably (and unfairly) take some of the blame for it, especially if you are then getting presents for your sisters. I would for one last year get them all a present, but do so in the knowledge that if they don't get you something in return, next time you are in the clear. It is not on you, and you always visibly maintained the high ground.
Or to look at it another way, how bad would it be in the very unlikely event that they got you something and you had nothing for them? At least next year if that happened you could say slightly apologetically, oh I thought after last year we weren't doing presents...
And good luck!

[Bubblebath01]

Alternative presents? offer to babysit, dog walk, do some gardening, etc.

Write the promise on a nice piece of paper, put it in a nice envelope, or small gift box, decorate, etc.

I doubt they will all take you up on promises, and if they do, you could turn it to your advantage, a social event?

xx

[SparklingSnowfall]

Exactly what charlie753 said

[Cantuccit]

Why pander to these sexist twats? Being brothers doesn't make them any les objectionable.

OP, the most I would do is keep a couple of small boxes of chocs in my boot. Give a box of chocs to whichever gives you a gift.

I really think giving these cockwombles gifts will make them feel legitimate in their treatment of you and your sister.