Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

He threw juice in my face

(69 Posts)
Stressedandangry Wed 13-Dec-17 10:47:48

I've nc for this one.

My dp threw juice in my face. Last night we argued, it was a follow of from the argument the day before.

The day before our kitchen flooded, I was up with the baby, I woke dp up at 10am when it started he got up I phoned the landlord. All the while I was the one putting buckets of water outside, talking to the landlord and looking after the baby while he just ranted about all the water (did nothing about it just moaned his face off). I got sick of it and told him he needed to start helping me out. I was stressed the baby has had bad colic and reflux so has been extra needy, screaming, crying fighting his sleep constantly and needing cuddles all the time. We ended up arguing again and he went to bed. This was at 2pm. So he left me to deal with everything all day. I was exhausted I'd been up most of the night with the baby, he knew this. He eventually got up at 7pm saying he was going to the gym with his friends. The plumber hadn't come out yet and it was the babys bed time. I was livid! I asked him not to go to the gym and stay and deal with the plumber as I needed To go to bed with the baby (we co sleep and it's difficult to sneek away lately with the colic and reflux) he said no he was going and I'd have to just deal with it. I'm not proud but I lost it (baby wasn't around, was in the bedroom). I said he was being selfish when I needed him to step up he crawled into bed and now fucking off to the gym. He said he didnt care and he was going. I had to walk away.

Got the baby to sleep, the plumber came around 8ish he was thankfully still here so dealt with it but of course let me know how pissed off he was that he had to stay behind whe he should have left. He the tried to make up with me, I said I was too angry, the then said fuck you and went to the gym, I went to bed.

Turns out the problem was a blocked pipe and the water coming up through the sink was the neighbours.
The neighbour came to the door with her brother in law who was a "plumber" so I spent about an hour and a half with them while the brother in llaw pissed about out the back with the pipe only to come up with the same conclusion the plumber had. I was exhausted they woke the baby up I had to spend about another hour getting the baby off to sleep I finally got to sleep at about midnight.

Dp was working early yesterday so had the morning again with the baby, waiting on the plumber and trying to explain the situation to the neighbour. Dp came home and expected everythig to be fine. I've never been so angry with him. We argued, I got the baby off to nap finally. Went back to the livingroom, we argued some more he then opened my Christmas present he got me (a ring) and threw it in my face saying he didn't want me to have it so I put it in the waste paper bin (childish I know) he went ballistic tried to grab my phone out my hand to break it when he couldn't get it he threw juice from a glass on the table in my face. It went up the walls I was soaked. He then proceeded to call me all sorts and tell me how fat and disgusting he thought I was how I was shit mum how shit I am at doing everything the list goes on.

There's more but I'm too drained. I want to leave him but we are tied into this joint tenancy until October next year. I feel so stuck and don't know what To Do.

No one needs to point out the arguing isn't good for the baby, I know. It stresses me out but he's not around for most of it and when he is we don't shout ect.

I don't know what I'm looking for, maybe just to vent. I know the advice will be to leave, to contact womans aid ECT. But I can't leave so maybe I need to vent. I don't want to talk to anyone in rl about it all they think he's great, he used to be but lately the past 6 or so months he's a different person. A horrible one.

Tugtupite Wed 13-Dec-17 10:51:33

Why can't you leave? flowers]

Chocolate254 Wed 13-Dec-17 10:54:18

Can you afford to take the rent on yourself? Would he pay it if you moved out?
Hes disgusting and totally selfish. You need to get dump him, hes no good for you.

Stressedandangry Wed 13-Dec-17 10:55:03

Because we have a joint tenancy that isnt up until October next year. I wouldn't be able to afford half the rent here and full rent somewhere else if I were to leave sad

nobutreally Wed 13-Dec-17 10:57:43

Sounds like a pretty rough stretch you are having all ways round flowers for you.

You say you can't leave - what's your thinking there, why not? How old is your little one - pretty teeny still I'm guessing...?

JacquelineChan Wed 13-Dec-17 10:58:26

OP ''everyone'' might think he is great - but he clearly is not - and you need to start telling the truth to the people that care about you.

Do you really want this for the rest of your life and as a role model to your baby. you sound like a wonderful mum , and very capable - I promise you , your life will become 100 times easier without this idiot.

I am coming out the other side to this and I can tell you the hardest part is making the split , after that everything is relatively easy.

If you have a mum/dad/brother / sister please tell them everything and go and stay with them for a bit .

As for calling you fat ---- I know how you can get rid of 12 stone of useless flab straight away !

Stressedandangry Wed 13-Dec-17 10:59:31

I think he would continue to pay half the rent for me to continue staying here but his name would still be on the tenancy and I'd like a clean break. I maybe could just afford to pay the rent myself but it would be very tight. I haven't worked out the numbers yet but right now if I were to suggest that I fully take over the tenancy I doubt he would go for it. He would say his name is on the tenancy so he's staying. He likes to make things difficult.

I know I can't have a clean break from him all together as we have a child together but relationship wise I would

JacquelineChan Wed 13-Dec-17 11:00:04

i know it is very hard when you have a small baby please don't think this is a criticism of you .

I am probably old enough to be your mum and i want to give you a hug

PersianCatLady Wed 13-Dec-17 11:01:00

How long have you been together?

Is this behaviour out of the blue or has this happened before??

Stressedandangry Wed 13-Dec-17 11:03:14

Thanks JacquelineChan I know maybe I'm not 100% perfect but this is our first child and I can only do my best. I do everything for ds. I breast feed I do most of the changes, i get up during the night, I do everything. He changes him once a day if im lucky.

nobutreally just the housing situation really. Yeah ds is 5 months old. Still a bubba smile

Stressedandangry Wed 13-Dec-17 11:05:28

PersianCatLady we have been together for over 3 years. I've known him for about 7 years though. He's always had "moments" but it's gotten a lot worse this past 6 months or so. Seems all we do is argue and he says the nastiest things but once the dust settles expects everything to be fine and for me to go back to normal.

JacquelineChan Wed 13-Dec-17 11:05:49

Can you turn to your parents op ? if you were my daughter I'd want you to do that.

ratspeaker Wed 13-Dec-17 11:06:32

You mentioned the gym. Then him getting annoyed at not going. Could he be taking steroids? Or is it an excuse to be out somewhere?

I wouldnt think someone was wonderful if they refused to help with a baby, refused to help in a flood and Id be worried about someone who throws drinks around.

Would you get benefits if he left?

ShovingLeopard Wed 13-Dec-17 11:09:07

Can you speak to your landlord about breaking the contract early? If they knew you were splitting up, they may be prepared to do this.

Bluntness100 Wed 13-Dec-17 11:14:44

Is there no way to serve notice and break the tenancy? Do you Have friends or family you can move in with? You can’t stay there. It’s just going to get worse.

cherryontopp Wed 13-Dec-17 11:15:17

Id tell your landlord that your partner is getting abuse and would like to be out of the joint tenancy.
When me and my ex split, i moved out and he handed in the notice a month later as he couldnt afford it on his own.

Can you not do that? Find a way to get away from the selfish self centred prick.

FunSizedNinja Wed 13-Dec-17 11:16:26

Its almost as if you were writing this post about my ex. He fit the bill like that exactly. Lie on sofa on phone all day, wouldnt lift a finger or even clean a cup, wouldnt change a nappy etc. All his anger he blamed on me "pushing his buttons" etc. After i managed to make a planned exit and had a police escort.. all came out in family court via cafcass about his cocaine use. I also strongly suspect he was taking steroids too. Clearly didnt work, he still remained a weedy little fuck. Get out now whilst you can. I gave him the benefit of the doubt for so long, it was "my fault" for not leaving him earlier when he started hitting me and strangling me. Leave. Things WONT get better. It will happen again. Set the president - you dont deserve this abuse.

RestingGrinchFace Wed 13-Dec-17 11:21:20

Wow, you've really won the shot husband's lottery. Hang in there flowers

Stressedandangry Wed 13-Dec-17 11:22:11

I don't have parents I can turn to and my o the family live on yhe other side of the country.

I don't think he's on steroids he's only started going to the gym it was meant to be a way he can better himself ECT he's wanted to get fit for ages so started going. When he decides to do something hes stuck on it he won't budge and if I have an objection like the other night he goes mental and sticks to his plan.

I'll see if i can speak to my landlord. It's a nightmare tryintrying to get in touch with him and get anything done! But I'll try I doubt he will let us break the lease 10 months early but I'll try.

This is definitely not the environment I want for my baby.

Stressedandangry Wed 13-Dec-17 11:23:25

Excuse the typos. I'm on my phone it like to change things.

becotide Wed 13-Dec-17 11:25:30

Emotional abuse is a crime.

And I think there is something in law that means landlords can't force a joint tenancy to continue if one party is abusive

I'll google it

Bringbeboback Wed 13-Dec-17 11:26:07

Could you go stay with parents/siblings for a few months? He could always get a lodger in to pay your share of the rent until the agreement is up.
Sounds awful and it will cause your mental health to deteriorate rapidly if you stay with such a selfish bully

becotide Wed 13-Dec-17 11:26:37

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/if-you-were-living-together/what-happens-to-your-home-when-you-separate/

ReanimatedSGB Wed 13-Dec-17 11:26:45

Women's Aid will be able to give you practical advice about housing and how to throw this prick out, or move elsewhere yourself. It's also worth having a chat with the police DV unit (call 101) and getting the abuse logged - throwing things and trying to break your phone are abusive behaviours, and he is escalating. Unfortunately, many abusive men get considerably worse once you have a baby - they think you are trapped, now, and therefore they can do as they like. But you don't have to put up with him treating you like this. Also, if there is a record of his abusive behaviour, you will be able to keep control of what - if any - contact he has with DC (you can refuse to have him in your home, you can insist contact is supervised, and there will be no overnights while you are BF.) Though it's likely he will fuck off out of your lives anyway.

Bringbeboback Wed 13-Dec-17 11:27:15

Sorry just saw you can't live with family. Definitely speak to your landlord and tell him your partner is being incredibly abusive. You might lose your deposit but it's better than having to stay another 10 months

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now