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Husband left me 3 weeks before birth of first child

(21 Posts)
Mrsmoon37 Tue 12-Dec-17 16:41:49

rsmoon37

Hi - i am 37 and a first time mum. I met my husband almost 5 years ago, we got married 2 years ago andsold.ourhouses and brought a family home last september. We tried to get pregnant for a year and finally managed to conceive in january. I thought we were both excited,l about our first child - we went to antenatal course, two seperate 'babymoon' holidays, decorated nursery together etc. Our baby was breech so at 37 weeks i went to have the baby turned and when we got home he sat me down and told me he doesnt love me anymore, and has feelongs for someone else, and is leaving. Complete and utter devastation and shock followed - he spent a few weeks faffing about and then decided he wanted to stick around and make a go of things etc. He uas never been the same as before, wothdrew all affection, sleeps in spare room - he helps out alot with our daughter and the house but offers no emotional support to me. We were always really close and tactile and spent alot of time together and he made it clear he canr stand to be around me. He gets aggressive if i try to talk about what happned and is very controlling and demeaning in his actions. I think hes a narcisist and have for some time but i never thought he would do this, its like a bad dream. My daughter is 3 months old now and it hasnt got better and makes me so unhappy - so ijave told him i want divorce. Now he is all sorry for self and guilt tripping me - evdn though he has forced the issue. Any tips on how to cope/deal with ? How long does a div9rce take to finalise ?

Also, any single mums or dads out there that can make me feel a little less terrified about whats ahead?

StormTreader Tue 12-Dec-17 16:47:14

Sounds like he was having an affair - he decided to be with her, and she turned him down , so now hes angry at you, and guilt tripping you because he didnt want to not be with EITHER of you.

Divorcing him sounds like absolutely the best idea.

SandyY2K Tue 12-Dec-17 16:47:47

What a horrible man. Sounds like the other person didn't want him, so he came back.

You're right to file for divorce.

If in England... you need to be separated for 2 years...otherwise file under unreasonable behaviour and it can be done sooner.

I think you can use the date he left as your separation date.

You can't trust him ever after this.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Have you told family members for support? Are his family aware?

MollyHuaCha Tue 12-Dec-17 16:50:37

What an awful situation for you. No advice, but I wanted you to feel that someone else is on your side.

Good luck and take care. thanks

Starlive22 Tue 12-Dec-17 17:02:33

From a legal point of view the divorce process itself will probably take 3-5 months, the finances can take substantially longer if they are disputed. Speak to a solicitor and make sure you know all the facts before you decide anything.

So sorry this is happening to you. I'm w divorce solicitor so please feel free to PM me xxx

fc301 Tue 12-Dec-17 17:08:32

God what an absolute fucking bastard. I wouldn't be able to forgive that.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
ONE DAY you may feel he has done you a favour in the long term by revealing his true colours, but I realise that's not much consolation now 💐

springydaffs Tue 12-Dec-17 17:13:00

Nothing will be as bad as sharing a house with someone as desperately awful as this.

Bless you, this has been so hard for you. BUT the worst is behind you.

Do you have family? I'd get away from living in the same house asap iiwy - whether that's he goes or you do (tho legally you may get the house until your daughter is grown). Do pm Star to get some advice.

You can do this. I brought up my kids alone and it's a joy xxxx

Mrsmoon37 Tue 12-Dec-17 17:47:00

Definately cant forgive him - he hates that i have taken control and got the house valued, got a solicitor etc - i think he thought he could bully and scare me into staying with him

Just feel so stupid, never saw any of these traits in him - although all our family and friends seem as shocked as me thank god.

Cant forgive him for doing this to our daughter, she is the most beautiful thing !

Xx

Mrsmoon37 Tue 12-Dec-17 17:48:07

I think she turned him away too -i have said that too him and got a very aggressive and angry reaction so assume i am right. Shame.

Mrsmoon37 Tue 12-Dec-17 17:50:46

I have alot of friends and family around me thabk god - his family live in suffolk but are aware although his sisters are appalled by him andbhis parents are wuite selfish so not sure what help they wpuld be.

I have been seeing a counseller to which is a huge help and outlet.

Luckily the money in house is mine and i have a deed to that effect so he only stabds to get about 5k, which wont get him far. I can buy a nice property for us abd have a good job so we will have a great future without him - just hurts right now, more the disapointment and shock i think.

Mrsmoon37 Tue 12-Dec-17 18:05:50

smile

WafflesWafflesWaffles Tue 12-Dec-17 18:10:19

Your husband sounds exactly like my ex! We split when I was 36 weeks pregnant, so 2 weeks before I gave birth. He was having an affair and an abusive bastard to boot so I left him.

It can be hard at times on my own but honestly it's the best thing I ever did and I've never looked back.

Being a single parent is a million times better than being in a shitty relationship.

SandyY2K Tue 12-Dec-17 18:13:08

You sound like a very sensibly woman. Keep pressing on with the divorce. He's a total idiot.

Many women would be appalled at a man leaving his wife in the late stages of pregnancy ... she probably realised that the same could happen to her and he was left high and dry.

This is partly why financial independence strengthens your position.

Bless you.

Cupoteap Tue 12-Dec-17 18:15:08

What a test he should have just left then.

You need to speak to a solicitor, it's not as simple as the money in the house is yours as you are married.

MrsPestilence Tue 12-Dec-17 18:18:40

flowers So sorry you married a fuck wit. You are not the only one and can survive this. flowers

likebeyoncedoes Tue 12-Dec-17 18:28:03

I split with my child's dad months after birth. Due to him being just generally awful. I now
Work full time , bought my own flat and hike enjoys some weekends with his dad. I have also met a new partner who is wonderful.
I never ever thought things would be this good and thought I'd always be in turmoil about ex but I just got on and got practical . Time is such a good healer

likebeyoncedoes Tue 12-Dec-17 18:28:15

Child not hike

LordSugarWillSeeYouNow Tue 12-Dec-17 18:28:50

Hi moon smile

Congratulations on your beautiful little girl, she will be the one who gets you through this, I promise.

What an absolute idiot he is, standing to lose so much and for what? Absolutely nothing. You sound lovely and it seems you have some financial stability which is half the battle when a single parent. I've been there and it's tough, will not lie to you, but-

It can be the most rewarding thing ever: you will have a bond so strong with your daughter and will be able to do as you please without having to please your not so dh.
Many children grow up in happy single parent families, others have two parents living together who don't get on. I know what I would rather have.

You can do this flowers

sonjadog Tue 12-Dec-17 18:37:43

Sounds like divorcing him is absolutely the right thing to do.

Mrsmoon37 Tue 12-Dec-17 18:45:35

There is a trust deed attached to the land registry so first 50k on sale comes to me then 50/50 split. The more time passes the weaker the deed becomes but only 1 year old so should be watertight. Hes a lazy bastard so cant see him grtting a sol although you never know!

Thanks for messages of support, really helps to know im not going mad !

Definately getting out whilst i can - and running for the hills 😂😂

SandyY2K Tue 12-Dec-17 18:50:15

Definetely getting out whilst i can - and running for the hills

Way to go.
Leave the dead weight behind. Men like him don't deserve a woman in their lives.

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