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Why do some men get angry when you finish with them?

(61 Posts)
lottieandmia22 Tue 12-Dec-17 10:22:41

This has happened to me quite a lot. Not every time but it’s noticeable. They seem to want to say I’m the problem not them. They ask why and don’t want to hear why. And they throw my Autism in my face as if I’m not going to find anyone else because I have autism. Why would anyone want to be with someone who doesn’t like them? My mum always says ‘oh well yes he would be angry’. I actually don’t think this is right.

Anatidae Tue 12-Dec-17 10:26:58

Because many men feel entitled to have a woman. Like the universe dispenses women to men just for existing. Women are not independent beings to men like this but exist purely for their gratification.

laudanum Tue 12-Dec-17 10:29:37

It's because they're man sized children basically.

OliviaStabler Tue 12-Dec-17 10:33:19

You've hurt their ego by rejecting them, some men can't handle that. All they can do is get angry and blame you as it could not be possibly anything to do with how they are wink

TheFaerieQueene Tue 12-Dec-17 10:37:34

All of the above.

lottieandmia22 Tue 12-Dec-17 10:42:46

One of them sent me a long text starting ‘here’s the thing’ and then ripped into me about all my perceived faults. I replied ‘oh well it’s a good job I ended oy because evidently you don’t like me’ grin and he replied ‘I do’. I was very confused by the whole thing.

Iamok0303 Tue 12-Dec-17 10:45:41

Yeah I just had that yesterday after finishing with my partner of two years. All of the above I guess. It an ego thing.

ferando81 Tue 12-Dec-17 10:52:04

Of course ,it's like being rejected in an interview.Im sure in the cold light of day many will regret their outbursts.
You don't like it when they criticise your Autism ,they don't like it when you reject their personality.

lottieandmia22 Tue 12-Dec-17 11:04:34

Well what I don’t like is the way they only mention it after I’ve dumped them. If we were having a discussion about what were not happy about but are still together then I don’t mind people bringing up issues. I didn’t reject their personality. People complain about being ghosted but to be honest I can see why people do It!

Also who has outbursts after a job interview? Sounds like unbalanced behaviour to me.

AhYerWill Tue 12-Dec-17 11:17:14

Many men are conditioned to believe that anger is the only acceptable negative emotion for them to feel/display, so they may be hurt/upset/embarrassed etc to be dumped but will show this as anger.

It would be an even bigger blow to their already damaged pride to react in a 'non-masculine' way (crying, begging you to reconsider etc).

It's not a constructive way of expressing themselves but many people aren't good at a) properly understanding what the emotion they are feeling is and why they feel that way and b) expressing those feelings in constructive non-hurtful ways when caught up in them.

stickytoffeevodka Tue 12-Dec-17 11:23:56

Because people often get angry when they're actually upset and hurt. It's not nice being rejected by someone, and I think, for men especially, anger is more "socially acceptable" than tears.

lottieandmia22 Tue 12-Dec-17 11:25:50

Ah I see. Yes that makes sense.

misscph1973 Tue 12-Dec-17 11:27:58

You hurt their pride when you dump them. My STBXH is so offended, he's not hurt or unhappy, he's offended. That's just how many men work, they are not like women.

HappenstanceMarmite Tue 12-Dec-17 11:39:37

Wow. Imagine a man making such a sweeping generalisation about women.

lottieandmia22 Tue 12-Dec-17 11:42:31

Er, I didn’t hmm I said ‘some men’

stickytoffeevodka Tue 12-Dec-17 11:43:36

Women get angry when they get dumped as well, Marmite.

You see a lot of threads on here from women who've been dumped/ghosted and as well as being upset, most of them are furious. I think it's completely normal to be angry at being dumped - it's not nice for anyone, man or woman, and it's easy to be angry when you're the one made single and being criticised by your ex.

lottieandmia22 Tue 12-Dec-17 11:48:31

I don’t relate to that at all but I think that’s mainly because I really would be horrified if someone stayed with me but didn’t really like me. If someone finished with me because my communication can be off I would just think well they’re not right for me. I would be sad. I might cry but I wouldn’t turn it all back on them and bring up all their issues. It smacks of desperation.

Bloopbleep Tue 12-Dec-17 11:48:43

You don't like it when they criticise your Autism ,they don't like it when you reject their personality
Bollocks comparison. Autism isn’t a fuckin personality trait. If someone behaves like an arsehole they can change that behaviour to stop being an arsehole. They choose how to present their personality, they have a 100% say in how they project their personality.. You do not choose to be autistic or how it manifests.

What the quoted statement says is that a persons disability is fair game in a tit for tat dispute when you end a relationship. That is absolute bollocks and only a dickhead you’re better off without would do that.

lottieandmia22 Tue 12-Dec-17 11:49:46

The threads on here when people are angry usually seem to be that the guy has disappeared after sex so I think the anger in those cases arises from being used which is a bit different.

lottieandmia22 Tue 12-Dec-17 11:51:12

I agree Bloop but that poster seems to also think that emotional toddler like outbursts are normal if you didn’t get a job confused

Jellybean85 Tue 12-Dec-17 12:37:38

I think you're wrong in assuming it's just men! I've seen lots of people becomes very angry and vengeful after a break, about equal for men and women tbf. I think that's how some people deal with sadness and rejection

RainyApril Tue 12-Dec-17 13:04:25

It's not just men. I've seen plenty of people get angry in the face of criticism, and being dumped does often feel like criticism, no matter how kindly it's presented.

IME anger is their public display of hurt, sadness and disappointment. They may well regret it later. Their criticism of you is their face-saving 'I didn't like you that much anyway'.

lottieandmia22 Tue 12-Dec-17 13:07:57

I wouldn't say it was even presented as a criticism by itself though. It's almost as though he was trying to force me to debate with him and conclude that I'm the problem and we should get back together hmm

LesisMiserable Tue 12-Dec-17 13:09:34

'Some' men probably get angry in the way 'some' women get vengeful. It is what it is. Nobody likes rejection.

stickytoffeevodka Tue 12-Dec-17 13:11:41

I know for me personally, if I get angry I often cry as an expression of that frustration. I don't like shouting or screaming so I tend to bottle things up and that comes out as tears, but it's really anger.

Like it or not, it's not especially "socially acceptable" for men to cry. Up until very recently, it wasn't even seen as acceptable for male children to cry - they were told to stop crying and get on with it. Anger/violence is a lot more accepted (it shouldn't be, but it is) and therefore men feel a lot more comfortable expressing anger than tears/sadness.

My dad's only in his early sixties and he was raised by parents who firmly believed that boys didn't cry. He was punished for crying - it's not what boys did, so he had to be "trained out of it", and I doubt he was the only one who experienced that kind of attitude. He's not an angry person but even now, I've never, ever seen him cry or express any kind of sadness.

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