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Fiance posting explicit photos and videos of me throughout relationship

(149 Posts)
Mummy8912 Tue 12-Dec-17 10:08:42

Good morning everyone!
I have recently found out that my finance and partner of almost 3 years had been posting explicit photos and videos of me throughout the entirety of our relationship without my knowledge or consent.

I have a beautiful daughter (not his child) and following a harrowing divorce it had taken me a lot to trust anyone and let them into our lives. I came across different email addresses, in different names and confronted him, only to be lied to. I did some more digging to find out that he had been making friends with other creeps on forums and pornographic websites, messaging them, sometimes pretending to be me, other times "pimping me out" and listening to what people said they wanted to do me. I was called a slut, whore, you name it - by the man I trusted. I have cancelled our wedding and never want to see this man again.

I have not confided in my friends because I am very embarrassed. How did I not know that this was happening to me.

He is sorry, he is changed, he is seeking therapy. I have heard it all from him. The thought of him near me or my child makes my skin crawl.

I did not get the police involved because of his family, but I just don't know how you ever trust someone after this?

Help!

Blanca87 Tue 12-Dec-17 10:16:38

Fuck that get the police involved. What an utterly disgusting, creature.

laudanum Tue 12-Dec-17 10:18:14

What a monumental arsehole. A horribly infected pit of needles would be too nice for him. angry

AJPTaylor Tue 12-Dec-17 10:18:32

Honestly? Involve the police.

chatty1234 Tue 12-Dec-17 10:19:22

Can you get police involved if you allowed these videos to be taken.? I hope so what an horrible man you are well rid.

Viviennemary Tue 12-Dec-17 10:19:53

I think you should report it to the police. And end the relationship. I don't think somebody who does this can ever be trusted. He may do it to somebody else.

SparklyMagpie Tue 12-Dec-17 10:20:30

You have to involve the police

Sick bastard

Mummy8912 Tue 12-Dec-17 10:21:49

He has tried to justify it by saying he just fancied me so much he wanted everyone to see me and that because we had an experimental sex life he thought it would be ok. I actually think he has lost his mind. He would leave the house in the morning for work and then upload a picture of me and get off on the comments all day. I feel so violated and disgusted.

laudanum Tue 12-Dec-17 10:22:01

Chatty - what does it have to do with anything if she allowed the pics and video to be taken? He violated some serious intimate boundaries there, she should be able to press charges without fear of being told it's partially her fault for letting him take stuff.

CJCreggsGoldfish Tue 12-Dec-17 10:22:43

I'd involve the police. He's only sorry because he's been found out, otherwise he'd still be doing it.

I'm so sorry my love, this is such an awful breech of trust.

butterfly56 Tue 12-Dec-17 10:22:45

Please get the Police involved.
Ring 101 and ask to speak to someone about it and get their point of view.
You need to be able to talk about this to someone because this is so difficult to deal with on your own. flowers

mickhucknallspinkpancakes Tue 12-Dec-17 10:25:42

Yes can can involve the police, if you believed any photos taken were for private use.

Please involve the police. This could've ended really dangerously for you or permanently damaged your career, reputation etc. There is no way this man should get away with this, and involve other victims in his perverted games.

You owe nothing to his family, if he cared so much about them he wouldn't be breaking the law, the creepy fucktard.

So sorry this happened to you OP especially after being brave enough to try and trust someone again.

thanks

Mummy8912 Tue 12-Dec-17 10:26:18

Thank you everyone - I ended the relationship the second I found out and I have no desire to restart it. I did let him take the videos, we were due to be married and I trusted the man. It is hard to explain but he was the most nervous quiet man you could meet. The last person in the world anyone would ever expect. I gave him until 5pm the day I found out to have every video and picture removed and deleted before I called the police and they have been. I just need reminding that this is NOT normal. for myself more than anything.
I wont be daft enough to ever put myself in this position again

12345OnceCaughtAFish Tue 12-Dec-17 10:29:42

Chatty you may not have meant it, but your comment does come across as victim blaming. Yes, the OP may have consented to the pictures and videos being taken, but she clearly did not consent to them being used in the way the were. Look up "revenge porn" and the laws surrounding it.

suchislife44 Tue 12-Dec-17 10:29:51

I am so sorry you are going through this. What a horrific thing to uncover. I agree with pp regarding police involvement. This vile 'man' should be made to face legal consequences of his behaviour - and prevented from putting anyone else through this in the future. It is of course up to you how you feel you would like to deal with this. Take care of you and your daughter you deserve so much better.

Mummy8912 Tue 12-Dec-17 10:31:16

I have been reading about all of that trying to wrap my head about. Doing it to an ex or someone has a form of revenge is horrific enough isn't it? but having it done to you by your own fiancé is pretty yuk!

Babyblues052 Tue 12-Dec-17 10:31:51

That is such a violation. Oh god. That's almost like that revenge porn thing? Where they take pictures/videos and post them online to get pervs to comment. I know it's not revenge but it is illegal I'm sure. There has been a massive campaign in the UK about this exact thing.

What he's done is very illegal and I'd definetyl get the police involved it's abuse!!

It's an unbelievable abuse of trust he does not respect you at all and you can't trust him. He's fuckig vile!

Seriously you need to report him, if he's that into it he will do it again. Maybe not to you but someone else.

This is a link pertaining to scotland beta.gov.scot/news/sharing-images-without-consent/ it comes under abusive behaviour and sexual harm. I'm sure there are laws in other parts of the UK.

WineGummyBear Tue 12-Dec-17 10:32:43

The police take this seriously as it is a crime. You can report him.

Sorry this has happened to you.

therealposieparker Tue 12-Dec-17 10:34:00

Definitely report it to the police, he is likely to have done this before and will do it to the next woman he gets involved with. It may also be a good way to get all your photos and videos removed from the public sphere.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, you don't deserve such a vile betrayal of trust.

WineGummyBear Tue 12-Dec-17 10:34:16

Sorry, just saw your update.

mickhucknallspinkpancakes Tue 12-Dec-17 10:34:24

The problem is @Mummy8912 (and I'm really sorry to sound like a purveyor of doom here) is that you don't know how much these photos have been circulated, copied and passed on.

So he may have deleted them from his phone or hard drive but the other viewers may not. Also you only have his word on this and if he did it in front of you it may have been just a file he knew he could delete

Because you can set up secret apps on your phone hidden as calculators etc to store photos and documents.

I wouldn't be happy until the police took his phone and hard drive to be honest.

But please - you did nothing wrong in the context of your relationship- you trusted someone enough to be sexually open and mature.

There are plenty of us taking the odd photo or video. He betrayed your trust in the worst possible way. And I bet you are not the first.

therealposieparker Tue 12-Dec-17 10:35:00

Well done for calling the police, I missed your update.

mickhucknallspinkpancakes Tue 12-Dec-17 10:36:37

No you haven't called the police have you? That's what you told him?

Blackteadrinker77 Tue 12-Dec-17 10:36:54

You really need to go to the police. This is not ok, it is a horrendous violation.

You realise these can never be deleted. They will still be getting past around the internet.

ItsInTheDogsMouth Tue 12-Dec-17 10:38:42

Urgh what a vile person. I can't imagine how horrible this is for you. I'd be tempted to go to the police, although i can understand why you may not want to prolong the experience any more. If you feel you could go through whatever a police investigation involves, i would want the bastard to face up to and be punished for his unforgivable actions.

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