Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Just reported historic sexual assault/rape to police

(14 Posts)
WellDoneTiger Mon 11-Dec-17 23:28:04

It has been pressing on my mind that the man who did it to me has probably assaulted other women and if I haven't reported what he did to me, it could remain one person's word against the other.
I just remember it being a horrible time and being pressurised into having sex if I wanted to continue a project, and being told he could make sure I couldn't carry on with it.
It was a very very long time ago. I didn't think I'd be believed at the time and the episode shook me for a long time afterwards. I had no idea where to turn and felt so ashamed and embarrassed and stupid. In short I thought it was all my fault. I had been sucked into a situation that I couldn't find a way out of.

SleepingStandingUp Mon 11-Dec-17 23:29:11

Well done WDT that's huge. I hope you have some rl support 💐💐💐

WellDoneTiger Mon 11-Dec-17 23:41:10

My STBX husband has sexually assaulted other women I know. The police know what he's done to me. I told them about others. I doubt they will come forward.

SleepingStandingUp Mon 11-Dec-17 23:55:46

You can only do what you can DP. Coming forwards is each persons choice but what you've done may well help them get a case x

Mum2OneTeen Tue 12-Dec-17 02:45:09

It is the silence & shame that allows rape culture to continue. You are braver than I am, stay strong flowers

Brewbees Tue 12-Dec-17 03:04:08

I hope you found it empowering, well done! Am too shit scared to even think about mine.

Iooselipssinkships Tue 12-Dec-17 08:26:53

Well done, it's not easy. I've been there. Feel free to PM if you need any advice, it can be a confusing lonely time. I filled it with researching and reading the CPS website over and over.
You've done the right thing and you're standing up for other women. Stay strong!

WellDoneTiger Tue 12-Dec-17 08:55:59

I had largely forgotton about it. It was only when a former friend told reminded me that my husband had groped her that it came back to me. It was nearly 3 decades ago. I mentioned HISTORICAL!
When I was telling the police about my husband's behaviour, I mentioned it to the PC and his ears pricked.
At the time it shook me up badly. I was in a ridiculously vulnerable position and felt absolutely so stupid and as though it was my fault that doing anything much about it would only add fuel to the fire of desperation. I narrowly escaped being carted off by the men in white coats. This episode is very much in the past and for now I am in the process of divorcing an abusive husband. I think the historical events may have laid the benchmark for finding my husband's behaviour acceptable. It is not something I have really talked about for a very, very long time.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 12-Dec-17 12:45:06

Have you had some support / counselling at all?
If not then please do get in touch with Rape Crisis.
They have specialist therapists that can really help you with this.
Well done.
It's a brave thing to do and you should be very proud of yourself.

WellDoneTiger Tue 12-Dec-17 14:30:40

I don't feel at all brave. I feel dreadful that I supported my husband when his behaviour was just grim against other people I knew. I know now that my husband groped this former friend. I also told him to stop when he was about to stick his penis in another friend. He stopped but it was still shocking that he even thought it was ok. I felt like a prostitute. My husband treated me like a prostitute often. I think I had been primed well. What my husband did never seemed quite as bad as what had come before. I feel as though my life is unravelling into an unruly heap.

OnTheRise Tue 12-Dec-17 16:23:58

You are brave, and you have done well. I applaud you, Tiger.

I reported historical sexual abuse a few years ago, and am so pleased I did. I hope you get the same validation that I did.

WellDoneTiger Tue 12-Dec-17 17:11:15

Thank you for all your kind words. They are comforting. I read and read the CPS website as though I was trying to find answers relating to my husband. He was NFA'd with not enough evidence. I doubt the women I know he has sexually assaulted will come forward. It has taken me decades to mention this one and I did so in case there are other women he has harmed. In broader terms I had forgotten about it.

WellDoneTiger Tue 12-Dec-17 23:50:25

I remember I told my mum. I hadn't planned to. I didn't want her to worry about me. He left a message on the phone and my mum picked it up. I just went cold, told her to ignore it. He'd raped me. No more was said.

WellDoneTiger Thu 14-Dec-17 22:08:29

Thank you Hellsbellsmelons. I have never had specific counselling for rape/sexual assault. I try so hard to present myself as 'normal' and I haven't spoken about sex things to anyone for years and years. My WA advisor said she'd refer me to a specialist sexual assault centre. I really hope she does.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now