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Just reported historic sexual assault/rape to police

(14 Posts)
WellDoneTiger Mon 11-Dec-17 23:28:04

It has been pressing on my mind that the man who did it to me has probably assaulted other women and if I haven't reported what he did to me, it could remain one person's word against the other.
I just remember it being a horrible time and being pressurised into having sex if I wanted to continue a project, and being told he could make sure I couldn't carry on with it.
It was a very very long time ago. I didn't think I'd be believed at the time and the episode shook me for a long time afterwards. I had no idea where to turn and felt so ashamed and embarrassed and stupid. In short I thought it was all my fault. I had been sucked into a situation that I couldn't find a way out of.

SleepingStandingUp Mon 11-Dec-17 23:29:11

Well done WDT that's huge. I hope you have some rl support 💐💐💐

WellDoneTiger Mon 11-Dec-17 23:41:10

My STBX husband has sexually assaulted other women I know. The police know what he's done to me. I told them about others. I doubt they will come forward.

SleepingStandingUp Mon 11-Dec-17 23:55:46

You can only do what you can DP. Coming forwards is each persons choice but what you've done may well help them get a case x

Mum2OneTeen Tue 12-Dec-17 02:45:09

It is the silence & shame that allows rape culture to continue. You are braver than I am, stay strong flowers

Brewbees Tue 12-Dec-17 03:04:08

I hope you found it empowering, well done! Am too shit scared to even think about mine.

Iooselipssinkships Tue 12-Dec-17 08:26:53

Well done, it's not easy. I've been there. Feel free to PM if you need any advice, it can be a confusing lonely time. I filled it with researching and reading the CPS website over and over.
You've done the right thing and you're standing up for other women. Stay strong!

WellDoneTiger Tue 12-Dec-17 08:55:59

I had largely forgotton about it. It was only when a former friend told reminded me that my husband had groped her that it came back to me. It was nearly 3 decades ago. I mentioned HISTORICAL!
When I was telling the police about my husband's behaviour, I mentioned it to the PC and his ears pricked.
At the time it shook me up badly. I was in a ridiculously vulnerable position and felt absolutely so stupid and as though it was my fault that doing anything much about it would only add fuel to the fire of desperation. I narrowly escaped being carted off by the men in white coats. This episode is very much in the past and for now I am in the process of divorcing an abusive husband. I think the historical events may have laid the benchmark for finding my husband's behaviour acceptable. It is not something I have really talked about for a very, very long time.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 12-Dec-17 12:45:06

Have you had some support / counselling at all?
If not then please do get in touch with Rape Crisis.
They have specialist therapists that can really help you with this.
Well done.
It's a brave thing to do and you should be very proud of yourself.

WellDoneTiger Tue 12-Dec-17 14:30:40

I don't feel at all brave. I feel dreadful that I supported my husband when his behaviour was just grim against other people I knew. I know now that my husband groped this former friend. I also told him to stop when he was about to stick his penis in another friend. He stopped but it was still shocking that he even thought it was ok. I felt like a prostitute. My husband treated me like a prostitute often. I think I had been primed well. What my husband did never seemed quite as bad as what had come before. I feel as though my life is unravelling into an unruly heap.

OnTheRise Tue 12-Dec-17 16:23:58

You are brave, and you have done well. I applaud you, Tiger.

I reported historical sexual abuse a few years ago, and am so pleased I did. I hope you get the same validation that I did.

WellDoneTiger Tue 12-Dec-17 17:11:15

Thank you for all your kind words. They are comforting. I read and read the CPS website as though I was trying to find answers relating to my husband. He was NFA'd with not enough evidence. I doubt the women I know he has sexually assaulted will come forward. It has taken me decades to mention this one and I did so in case there are other women he has harmed. In broader terms I had forgotten about it.

WellDoneTiger Tue 12-Dec-17 23:50:25

I remember I told my mum. I hadn't planned to. I didn't want her to worry about me. He left a message on the phone and my mum picked it up. I just went cold, told her to ignore it. He'd raped me. No more was said.

WellDoneTiger Thu 14-Dec-17 22:08:29

Thank you Hellsbellsmelons. I have never had specific counselling for rape/sexual assault. I try so hard to present myself as 'normal' and I haven't spoken about sex things to anyone for years and years. My WA advisor said she'd refer me to a specialist sexual assault centre. I really hope she does.

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