We've been together for 10 years. We have 2 small children. Since they were born, our sex life (which had always been fantastic) has nose-dived. He's a good man, supportive partner, great Dad. He's fantastic in every way but I just don't fancy him. I'm making excuses and when I can force myself, I'm crying after because I feel violated. I don't want to break up our family but what the hell can I do? Is it possible to get the passion back? Any help would be welcome 😔
Did you ever fancy him? What was it about him that turned you on about him previously? It’s hard to maintain a steady level of sexual attraction when you have small children and are caught up in the drudgery of married life. Could you have a weekend away together without the kids? Get pissed, dance, have a passionate argument?
How old is your youngest? Are your cycles back and regular? This may well be hormonal and boy have I been there. Do you feel sexual in any way, or is it just with him there's an issue?
Please stop having sex you don't want. Seriously. Feeling violated by your husband is only going to make the situation worse. If you're associating sex with him with feeling violated, of course you won't want to have sex with him. I know it might feel like it has to be done, but it doesn't. You need to deal with how you're feeling, and what that looks like depends on what the problem is, and until then you need to stop forcing yourself before it becomes insurmountable. Sending hugs and
pinkpillows telling a woman not to speak about crying and feeling forced regarding sex because it's "harsh", is beyond unhelpful, it's actually damaging.
OP, I felt like this about my ex, the reason for me was that sex was all about him and what he wanted, I honestly could have been anyone, he just saw me as some kind of assistant to his pleasure. I felt so used and unwanted, it was awful.
Do you know why you have gone off him? Has he put on a lot of weight? Is he selfish in or out of bed? Could it be hormones if you're still breast feeding? I think that needs to be your first step.
Well you have to tell him how you feel. If you are feeling violated when having sex with your husband then you will only grow to hate him. And that wont help. He may well be aghast that you feel like that.
You need to have a chat with him. If he hasnt changed what he was like before and does a lot with the kids then its you and you need to work on that. Clearly you find being attentive to your sexual needs very difficult? Does you make him feel loved and desirable or his he just going through some basic motions thinking this is what you want?
If he has changed and/or is selfish then he needs to work on that before anything else. Is he a dad that does things with the kids and around the house?