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I just don't fancy my husband any more

(13 Posts)
sniggy11 Mon 11-Dec-17 23:19:27

We've been together for 10 years. We have 2 small children. Since they were born, our sex life (which had always been fantastic) has nose-dived.
He's a good man, supportive partner, great Dad. He's fantastic in every way but I just don't fancy him.
I'm making excuses and when I can force myself, I'm crying after because I feel violated.
I don't want to break up our family but what the hell can I do?
Is it possible to get the passion back?
Any help would be welcome 😔

Bumpsadaisie Mon 11-Dec-17 23:27:00

How old are your children?

GingerbreadMa Mon 11-Dec-17 23:28:55

How old are the children? Do you breast feed? Sex wasnt the same for me when I was breastfeeding

Pinkpillows Tue 12-Dec-17 08:37:33

To get passion back you have to have attraction

Its a bit harsh saying you cry and feel forced, you should talk to him and tell him but be gentle with your words.

LizzieSiddal Tue 12-Dec-17 08:46:09

Firstly do not have sex if you always cry and feel “forced”. That’s going to help nobody. You really need to talk. Are there any other issues in the marriage?

I think it’s a very common thing to go off your partner occasionally!
Children, lack of sleep, work stresses, money issues, just day to Day living all add to stresses.

Please have a chat to him and see how you both feel.

Templeofdoom1974 Tue 12-Dec-17 13:40:34

Did you ever fancy him? What was it about him that turned you on about him previously? It’s hard to maintain a steady level of sexual attraction when you have small children and are caught up in the drudgery of married life. Could you have a weekend away together without the kids? Get pissed, dance, have a passionate argument?

TammySwansonTwo Thu 14-Dec-17 23:56:49

How old is your youngest? Are your cycles back and regular? This may well be hormonal and boy have I been there. Do you feel sexual in any way, or is it just with him there's an issue?

Please stop having sex you don't want. Seriously. Feeling violated by your husband is only going to make the situation worse. If you're associating sex with him with feeling violated, of course you won't want to have sex with him. I know it might feel like it has to be done, but it doesn't. You need to deal with how you're feeling, and what that looks like depends on what the problem is, and until then you need to stop forcing yourself before it becomes insurmountable. Sending hugs and flowers

Lollipop30 Fri 15-Dec-17 00:04:31

I have nothing of use to say, but I could have written this.
Do you love him?

AngelsSins Fri 15-Dec-17 16:32:17

pinkpillows telling a woman not to speak about crying and feeling forced regarding sex because it's "harsh", is beyond unhelpful, it's actually damaging.

OP, I felt like this about my ex, the reason for me was that sex was all about him and what he wanted, I honestly could have been anyone, he just saw me as some kind of assistant to his pleasure. I felt so used and unwanted, it was awful.

Do you know why you have gone off him? Has he put on a lot of weight? Is he selfish in or out of bed? Could it be hormones if you're still breast feeding? I think that needs to be your first step.

SandyY2K Fri 15-Dec-17 17:31:32

Is he attentive to your sexual needs?

Does he make you feel loved and desirable?

Is he a dad that does things with the kids and around the house?

I think saying you feel violated...when you haven't expressed how you feel to him is somewhat unfair to him...however I appreciate it's how you feel.

Whisky2014 Fri 15-Dec-17 22:43:35

10 year itch. Normal

Mulch Fri 15-Dec-17 22:46:43

Sounds more of a death than an itch

scottishdiem Sat 16-Dec-17 02:36:08

Well you have to tell him how you feel. If you are feeling violated when having sex with your husband then you will only grow to hate him. And that wont help. He may well be aghast that you feel like that.

You need to have a chat with him. If he hasnt changed what he was like before and does a lot with the kids then its you and you need to work on that. Clearly you find being attentive to your sexual needs very difficult? Does you make him feel loved and desirable or his he just going through some basic motions thinking this is what you want?

If he has changed and/or is selfish then he needs to work on that before anything else. Is he a dad that does things with the kids and around the house?

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