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Advice for a difficult situation

(3 Posts)
Seabiscuit1 Mon 11-Dec-17 16:18:03

I am new to this but in desperate need of some advice. Not really pregnancy related but the baby is the most important thing here. Please do not be too hard to on me because I know what I have done is wrong.
I am 17 weeks pregnant and my partner, the father of my child, and I have been together 18 months. The baby wasn't planned and although it was a shock for both of us we are very happy. I have had several miscarriages in the past and fertility problems and never thought I would get to be a mother. I am absolutely delighted.
Now the bad bit. When I met my partner he was in a relationship. I did not find out until quite far in and I was already hopelessly in love. He always said he would leave her and I stupidly believe him and carried on. He has now left and is living with me but is there a lot for his daughter. He puts her to bed and takes her to nursery 3 times a week. I am very pleased that he is still being a good dad for her.
Anyway, I was away in London with work for a few days last week and was getting a bit fed up with him going out drinking every night when I am desperately trying to save money for our baby. I was a bit grumpy with him and told him so. I was very upset last night when i got home I found that he has been staying at his old house all the time I was away. Admittedly his ex wasn't there but neither was his daughter so I don't understand.
He said he was struggling when I quizzed him further and he was worried about our future. He has left behind something stable, his own house and I suppose relative comfort to be with me. Financially we are quite tight. I don't own my flat and my flat mate moved out to allow him to move in but he can't afford half of the rent as he still pays the mortgage and all bills on his old home. I can't afford to live here myself. I have a good job but I can't afford to live near this good job on my own.
I think he is going to leave and I don't know what to do. I won't be entitled to any help when the baby arrives as haven't been working in this job for long enough. I see the only option as moving home with my parents but that would mean leaving my job just after Christmas. I am too old to do that and am finally getting somewhere in my career.
I don't know if I can do this on my own. I wanted to happy family so badly and I really thought I was going to get it.
I am so scared and a complete mess. It was just yesterday that I was talking to my mother about wedding plans and now I think I am going to have to call her and say I need to move back in so I can give my baby a home.
I don't really know what I am asking but I really just need someone to talk to as I am too embarrassed to tell anyone else what is happening.
Thank you

Moanyoldcow Mon 11-Dec-17 18:06:02

OP - this is not a trustworthy man. He didn't tell you he was in a relationship with a family until you were hooked. He's not someone you can trust.

Ideally, yes, you should have dumped him when you found out but that's in the past.

You need to make some active choices rather than waiting for him to pick whichever option is easier.

It sounds like once you stop work you will have literally no income, is that correct? If so, I'd seriously be looking at going home and leaving him to his own devices and get in touch with CMS to arrange maintenance.

This is no relationship and no decent start for your child.

Moanyoldcow Mon 11-Dec-17 18:08:15

Sorry - I assumed you were taking a year off - obviously if you go back straight away, could you afford a one bed alone?

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