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I think dh doesn’t love me anymore

(48 Posts)
Faz2015 Mon 11-Dec-17 13:41:06

after 8 yrs of marriage and two dds, I think my dh has fallen out of love with me..I’m a Sahm and I don’t know what to do... I’m sad and lonely and lost... i have my family 7 yrs of my life avd now I’m fatter, Frumpier, boring and loveless... I don’t know where to go from here... dh hasn’t asked for divorce yet thank god...but he has checked out on me and this relationship 😔Dh

Want2beme Mon 11-Dec-17 15:06:10

So sorry that this is happening. Would you be able to speak with your DH about how you're feeling and what you're thinking? It may be that he would like to talk as well. Have you got anyone you can talk to IRL?

nadinexo1 Mon 11-Dec-17 15:12:23

I know how you feel, I feel so far and boring a lot of the time compared to my friends and husband who go out and work etc.
would it possible for you to get out of the house for a hobby of your own like going to the gym or whatever you like doing?
I started going to the gym and have lost the excess baby fat that I was unhappy with and in the process made a couple of friends at the gym too. I'm much happier in myself now. Also try talking to your husband to find out what's going on with him.

nadinexo1 Mon 11-Dec-17 15:14:08

by the way I'm not insinuating that you need to lose weight, i go to the gym to have me time and something to focus on other than kids. I also felt very badly abiut myself and now feel tons better. find something that you like to do whatever it is and have some time to yourself.

Erica891 Mon 11-Dec-17 15:19:11

I feel your pain. I'm so sorry that you're in such situation, however I feel that you should let your dh know how you really feel. It maybe that he also wants to tell you how he feels and from there maybe you could sort things out. I wish you well.

Blackteadrinker77 Mon 11-Dec-17 15:24:41

So what are you going to do about it?

I'd start by sitting down and actually talking to him about how he feels. And how you feel.
If he wants to try then maybe start having a date night. You pick one week, he picks the next.

Faz2015 Mon 11-Dec-17 16:41:03

This all know kicked off last week... L I had a family panto booked for Friday night which’s dc were very excited about ( since October) and then his work decided to do a xmas night out on the same eve... he was in two minds and i knew he would rather go for drinks but I didn’t say anything as we had decided on panto first. He said he will stay for a few drinks( his work finishes st 230) and join us a bit late. Supposedly one of his colleagues had rented an apartment avd they were going to meet there first and then go for drinks/ dinner. He didn’t call me all day and then at 730 ( time of panto) he got late gettyjbh access to his colleagues apartment avd that he couldn’t make it. I said fine and explained to Dcs they Daddy won’t come. When I got home at 1030 I get text from him that he is too drunk to drive home and he will stay the night...

I tried to call he doesn’t pick up... I go ballistic and send some rude texts( my fault I know..accusing him of being with ow...shouldn’t have lost the plot) he texts back that he will drive home and if he dirs it’s my faikt( FYI I lost both my parents in a car accident).. anyways he came home and since then he hasn’t been speaking to me...

I apologised to him for the profanity but he doesn’t want to talk.. I have asked him to talk about our relationship he says there’s nothing to talk About... so yesterday I tried talking to him mid conversation he walked off saying nothing to talk about... when I asked him does he want your be in this marriage he said he doesn’t know...

This year we have been having arguments... we work through it but he just gets more and more distance... it’s like as if all the problems are in me... I don’t dress well, I am too into girls, I don’t cook, I spend too much( mainly on dcs) he doesn’t really talk to me much.. he used to be an avid gun goer but recently he has cut that down..

I’m always asking him to do things with us... for him all he wants to do is stay at home on weekends... last time we went out as family was on holiday in September...

Faz2015 Mon 11-Dec-17 16:44:38

I just feel like he is out of love with me.. and he hadn’t left cos of the dcs...I want to feel loved avd wanted... and I know I haven’t been a great wife as I have to do everything with dcs... i do still love him but don’t know what I can do to make him love me

SleepingStandingUp Mon 11-Dec-17 16:48:54

The hard answer is you can't make him love you.

But you do need a proper grown up conversation about your relationship.

Has he cheated before? Or is it your insecurities? Agree you need to make a life for yourself outside of being Mum

Why do YOU have to do everything for the kids?

Dozer Mon 11-Dec-17 16:50:09

His comment about drink driving was beyond the pale.

So take the initiative and book couples counselling - and/or individual counselling - with someone BACP qualified, seek legal information, look into your finances and get your ducks in a row to leave. Your H has the option to “check in” but if he won’t you need to look out for yourself.

Dozer Mon 11-Dec-17 16:50:46

Very sorry about your parents.

It doesn’t sound like he is a great husband.

Faz2015 Mon 11-Dec-17 16:55:58

He hasn’t cheated before, and some I assume is my own insecurities..

I do school run, after school clubs,parties, trips, movies, homework, feeding, bathing etc... sometimes he will do it.. if I ask.. his thinking is your sahm, you do it... only since last week he has been paying attention on D.Cs

Faz2015 Mon 11-Dec-17 16:57:15

There isn’t much of communication.. he’s always on his mobile laptop or tv... so over time I had to keep myself busy with dc

SleepingStandingUp Mon 11-Dec-17 16:58:53

How old are the DC?

Dozer Mon 11-Dec-17 16:59:45

It’s a bad idea to continue be a SAHM with an H like this with those attitudes. You can’t rely on him, sadly.

Blackteadrinker77 Mon 11-Dec-17 17:01:58

You need to find things to do together, have some fun.

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle Mon 11-Dec-17 17:06:31

I think you need to ditch the srlfish, miserable, boderline abusive cunt, and work on your self.

A man like this doesn't deserve a lovely wife running around after him, and you deserve more from life and relationships.

Faz2015 Mon 11-Dec-17 17:08:12

One dd is 7 other is 3...
the only thing is he has been very helpful to get me to start my business from home... even through argument he’s helping on that front

Faz2015 Mon 11-Dec-17 17:08:52

So I guess he does really want me to work

Dozer Mon 11-Dec-17 17:14:49

He is NBU to want you to do paid work, as long as he does a fair share of parenting and domestic work when you do (which sounds unlikely).

Is the business viable if / when you need to earn your own living? If not it’d be better to ditch it and seek paid WoH.

Graphista Mon 11-Dec-17 17:15:44

I'm sorry but sounds to me like he doesn't give a fuck about anyone but himself. Why on earth are you putting up with this?

In your shoes I'd have gone absolutely apeshit over the pantomime it's bad enough letting an adult down its unforgivable to let the DC down.

What a tosser!!

Faz2015 Mon 11-Dec-17 17:26:33

If the business is successful yes I can probably earn my own living... i want to make it work for my two D.C. and i do still love him I just wish if he would love me back

Graphista Mon 11-Dec-17 17:43:18

You can't make someone love you, or love their kids unfortunately.

I think you need to seriously talk to this guy and find out if he's gonna get his act together or not. I suspect he isn't interested.

Faz2015 Mon 11-Dec-17 17:52:25

He’s not interested in talking I think he just wants more space and to live separate lives... but so unfair on us

SleepingStandingUp Mon 11-Dec-17 18:08:29

What is unfair on you is to continue a farce of a marriage with someone who doesn't want you. Tell him of he wants to go then he should go. Does he work? For himself? You will be entitled to maintenance from him and he can start having the kids every other weekend and one night in the week. You'll do less housework because you won't be parenting DH. You'll get a break from the kids and you may on time meet someone worthy of your love

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