Still whining over new man

[MozzchopsThirty]

It's me again, still whining about the new man.
Met on POF, despite saying we wanted to play it cool he would send messages all day, call 2-3 times, say lovely things like how I was on his mind all day.

Fast forward 2 weeks and all that has stopped. He will still say good morning, and will call probably once a day normally at night. But nothing about him thinking about me, or how he can't wait to see me etc.
He says he's stressed with work this close to xmas (own business)

When I see him he's attentive, tells me I'm beautiful and is lovely.

So am I being needy and demanding (I know I can be like this)
Or should I expect a bit more just 6 weeks into a relationship?

[Pavonia]

I think the amount of contact you had at the beginning was very high and unsustainable. You are still speaking on the phone every day which is more than a lot of people would do.

A lot of people with responsible jobs can't be messaging all day. He may have flexibility due to having his own business but when working it is probably best that he is focused on work.

So long as he is making time to see you and is enthusiastic and considerate when you see him I don't think you have anything to worry about.

[ShatnersWig]

Six weeks in is not a relationship. You are dating, which is finding out about each other with a view to a relationship.

Nearly everyone is busy this close to Christmas with work, family stuff, Christmas preparations. If he owns his own business probably doubly so.

If you're whining about stuff this soon in, then yes you are needy and demanding and need to wake up and smell the coffee because if you come across that way this won't get to the relationship stage. It's a very unattractive trait. Cool the fuck off and what will be will be.

But if you can adjust your mindset to this being DATING and not a relationship and just having some fun, you may find it easier.

[MozzchopsThirty]

Ok thanks

[ThisLittleKitty]

You sound hard work.

[ConcreteUnderpants]

^^
You really need to look at your neediness and yearning for constant reassurance, OP. For your long-term happiness.

Oh, and constant messaging and calling 2-3 times a day isn't normal, either. It'd have me running.

[cakecakecheese]

As long as he's attentive in person that's the main thing. You're clearly on his mind otherwise he wouldn't be texting or calling at all. You need to relax a bit and enjoy it.

[letsdolunch321]

Take it day at a time.

As long as you are seeing each other and dropping a text or talking on the phone daily all is well.

Enjoy your time together

[Chippyway]

If somebody was texting me all day and also calling 2/3 times a day I’d be doing a runner

What you have now sounds normal. DP and I will only text if we have to - such as to arrange something or ask a question etc.

Give him space!

[butterfly56]

Yes you are needy OP
You need to calm down.
There is no way that people can sustain that level of contact if they have a serious working life.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Yep - very needy.
Blimey, the bloke I'm seeing (6 months in) is lucky if he gets 2 whatsapp messages a day.
And we certainly don't talk on the phone.
Just enjoy our time together when we are together.
But I'm old and not into all that boyfriend/girlfriend stuff.
I like to take things mega slow.

[MozzchopsThirty]

I did say I know I'm needy and demanding, it's not news to me

[TheNaze73]

You’re neediness would suffocate most

[LesisMiserable]

If you know it, why you asking if you're being it then? The answer is a resounding yes, MN agrees with you. So, are you able to stop?

[AdalindSchade]

Yes you're being needy. It's not cool. If you can't rein it in then don't date tbh

[PinkChestnut]

Just try to relax and enjoy it op and keep distracted by other things. Though I know easier said than done

I don't know if some of the other posters are aware how snarky their replies come across?!

[user1497997754]

I understand how you feel I also needy and constantly need reassurance from my husband and i hate the way I feel but I think on my part is one minute the relationship is great and sometimes it's not so I think for me it's the yo yo effect that causes my neediness....not everyone is the same I wouldn't beat yourself up about it everyone is different....

[itsalottery]

I agree I think you have had some blunt responses. If you know you are inclined to neediness just try to distract yourself and plan other things so that you are not waiting for his messages. It is very early on with this man though so if he is making you feel this way so early on maybe he is not the one for you.

[MozzchopsThirty]

Thank you

Yes I agree some of the messages are a bit harsh, we're all different and have had different experiences which makes us the way we are.
But that's just mumsnet now

[LesisMiserable]

Hang on OP, in your post you said you know you're being needy and demanding, we just agreed - so wtf....

[AdalindSchade]

Wtf indeed

[Poisongirl81]

Yes too needy

[Angelf1sh]

Seriously OP, you refer to yourself as needy and whining, you can’t really complain if people agree with you.

Calling you once a day is more than normal contact tbh, expecting more is totally unreasonable.

[Littlelondoner]

Look at love bombing. This ammount of contact early on would be a major makor major red flag for me tbh.

I also think your exspectations are unrealistic. If someone has that much time. What are they actually doing with their lives?

[LesisMiserable]

Expect a lot less because you're virtual strangers, why on earth would you need to check in/be checked in on every day by someone who barely knows you? Can you not see that's just a bit odd and unsustainable? If you need that you are both needy and demanding. If you can rationalise it and pull it back, you've a chance of evolving out of that destructive behaviour.