we haven't had a bonk for over 6 months, and only twice since dd2 was born 9 months ago!
I am up for it but very conscious of my very wibbly wobbly body, dh seems to have no interest in sex (except for his nightly sojourns to the world of internet porn) or in any form of affection. The last time he gave me a hug i burst into tears as i realised how rare it is that he actually touches me.
We have been through a really bad patch recently regarding loss of trust, he had issues with cocaine misuse, but thats all sorted out now and I want to get back on track with him.
I just dont know how to rebuild the closeness between us without feeling rejected. My confidence is so low that i am hyper sensitive/ aware of the lack of physicality between us and any slight rejection sends me reeling off into insecurity.
Thanks for reading my ramble! any ideas / perspectives would be great x
Hmm, if you can, maybe it's best to leave the porn out of the discussion for the moment? I mean, I can understand if you're unhappy about it, but maybe just focus on getting the physical closeness for right now?
Are you sure the weight issue matters to him? Eating well and feeling good about yourself will improve your self-image, obviously.
I dont actually have a problem with porn per se, just that it has become a wedge between us, it is his replacement for physical closness. The porn usage correlates directly with my pg with dd2 and subsequent weight gain.
I dont want to make my weight an excuse, but i feel so sensitive about the whole issue.
Ok, are you sure the problem is exactly weight? Would it help to have a conversation with him about it, and talk about how you want this to change, and the steps you plan to take (and how he is sabotaging those steps, albeit, hopefully, unwittingly?).
If you can try to initiate contact with him in a non-sexual environment - give him a hug, maybe when the kids are underfoot, so there's no chance it would seem like you were trying to start something per se ... that might help?