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6 months without any nookie!

(9 Posts)
nothotforit Fri 20-Apr-07 20:49:30

Ok so how do i get the ball rolling...

we haven't had a bonk for over 6 months, and only twice since dd2 was born 9 months ago!
I am up for it but very conscious of my very wibbly wobbly body, dh seems to have no interest in sex (except for his nightly sojourns to the world of internet porn) or in any form of affection. The last time he gave me a hug i burst into tears as i realised how rare it is that he actually touches me.

We have been through a really bad patch recently regarding loss of trust, he had issues with cocaine misuse, but thats all sorted out now and I want to get back on track with him.

I just dont know how to rebuild the closeness between us without feeling rejected. My confidence is so low that i am hyper sensitive/ aware of the lack of physicality between us and any slight rejection sends me reeling off into insecurity.

Thanks for reading my ramble! any ideas / perspectives would be great x

NotQuiteCockney Fri 20-Apr-07 20:51:39

I think talking to him is probably your best start?

Presumably he's feeling guilty about his bad behaviour, and missing contact too?

What was your sex life like, before all this?

Are baths together, massage, nice contact that can't be sexual an option, just to rebuild things?

LilyLoo Fri 20-Apr-07 20:51:46

Have you spoken to him at all ?

nothotforit Fri 20-Apr-07 20:59:31

No I havent really talked to him about it as i am scared that he'll say he doesnt fancy me any more, after seeing me give birth twice and my current weight which is 4stone more than before dd1!

I am trying to lose the weight as i know it is a big factor in my low self esteem but it is hard as he is a major saboteur on the food front.

i just dont know how to broach it. he has been very defensive in the past when i have asked about the amount of porn he's watching etc

NotQuiteCockney Fri 20-Apr-07 21:00:57

Hmm, if you can, maybe it's best to leave the porn out of the discussion for the moment? I mean, I can understand if you're unhappy about it, but maybe just focus on getting the physical closeness for right now?

Are you sure the weight issue matters to him? Eating well and feeling good about yourself will improve your self-image, obviously.

nothotforit Fri 20-Apr-07 21:07:23

I dont actually have a problem with porn per se, just that it has become a wedge between us, it is his replacement for physical closness. The porn usage correlates directly with my pg with dd2 and subsequent weight gain.

I dont want to make my weight an excuse, but i feel so sensitive about the whole issue.

nothotforit Fri 20-Apr-07 21:09:17

the issue being the loss of closeness.

I am even acutly aware of touching his back or arm in passing, it is such a void between us.

NotQuiteCockney Fri 20-Apr-07 22:16:58

Ok, are you sure the problem is exactly weight? Would it help to have a conversation with him about it, and talk about how you want this to change, and the steps you plan to take (and how he is sabotaging those steps, albeit, hopefully, unwittingly?).

If you can try to initiate contact with him in a non-sexual environment - give him a hug, maybe when the kids are underfoot, so there's no chance it would seem like you were trying to start something per se ... that might help?

I do think you need to talk to him.

bakedbean1 Sat 23-Aug-08 21:15:32

What is normally accepted? Is once a week too little? I sometimes think I have a higher nookie drive ... and can relate to a number of the feelings shared in the thread above

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