I apologize if this gets long. I started a thread a few weeks ago but feel like my situation has changed and just need someone to help give me some confidence/advice.
H is and has been emotionally abusive for years. It's really only in the last year that i've even realized this/ come to the reality of it. He has other faults in that he has been innappropriate with other girls by means of text and social media since the first year we were married. (It's been nearly 9 now) I've basically blamed this on the fact that we married fairly young and he just wasn't settled. Given that we are in our 30's now I can't really give him even that excuse. (And who am I kidding, I shouldn't be making excuses for him)
Some days he is wonderful. Happy, helpful, loving and funny. Other days he says i'm an ugly cunt, undetermined, unsocial, he hates my face, i'm a stupid bitch and the like. He says that I live in a fantasy world by thinking life is rainbows and butterflies. I disagree, I just have a positive outlook and happen to love my life and family. He on the otherhand tends to find the bad in most things and does struggle with anger/depression.
A few weeks ago I decided to see a lawyer because his behaviour has gone from sporadic to almost constant over the last year or so. I Had full intentions on going through with it. At first he didn't even believe I had gone. Laughed at me, just played it off completely. Pretended he was leaving for a few weeks and packed his bags, only to text me a couple days later for me to "say the word so we can fix this" and to let him fix things and love me. I said no at the time, but he showed up home an hour later. After throwing my entire closet and bathroom down our stairs, he told me he was panicking because he didn't think I was actually serious about leaving and was just realizing I meant it. That I was pulling his entire life and children from under him and that he wanted a chance to make it better.
During the next couple of days he did a lot of communicating and owning up to his EA. He said he never really thought or saw it in that way and it wasnt until I started accusing him of it did he read up and realize what he was doing to me. That he was so sorry and he behaves to the rest of the world and needed to behave to me also. That he would seek therapy not just for me and the kids but for himself. He admitted to treating me like a servant ( I make EVERY meal, the man doesnt even re heat things himself or get his own plate of already made food. I serve it to him. I also do all the laundry, takr care of kids, house cleaning, scheduling, and take care of finances. He literally does nothing other than go to work and play with the kids at times.)
Anyhow, he made admittance to those things about 2 weeks ago and I decided to give him a chance. That if he really realized it and didnt want to lose his family I should let him prove it. I do love him so. Yet night before last we were talking at the table and I made a comment about his buddy's samosas that he didn't like - he proceeded to call me a spoiled stupid cunt and he does not love me. He calmed down and said he needed to find an apartment, that he doesnt treat me well because he hasn't loved me in a long time and that he just doesnt want to be with me. He told me he isn't in love with me over and over, I think because he could see it was hurting me and making me cry.
Now today he is talking to me as though it didnt happen (he's been out of the house in the mean time, shift worker) and is in the basement watching movies with the kids. Basically ignoring completely.
I am so confused. I am hurt. He got my hopes up so high. I had become distant and detatched from him and in a week he managed to bring me back to feeling desparate and in love. Someone tell me what's up from down. He really seemed sincere and to understand the damage he's caused. And has behaved really beautifully since then until last night.
I am sorry for the gross length of this!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Someone tell me I'm not crazy please
GsbMaxi · 10/12/2017 21:42
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