I have always suffered from anxiety. I have taken medication for it but stopped a couple of years ago. Day to day I'm ok but then I have some REALLY bad days but all in all I manage.
I have been single a little while and have started dating again. I have signed up to online dating and have been chatting to someone who seems nice. I have also been chatting via text to someone I met on a night out last week. I am supposed to be going out with the online man on Saturday and the night out man on Wednesday.
But I have this stupid anxiety. I have always been the same when it comes to me, since I got my first proper boyfriend at 16. Since then I have been engaged, had a child and had 2 serious, long term relationships but this anxiety never leaves me. I'm going to put it into bullet points and it would take me till Christmas to write it all out properly.
-absolute crippling anxiety on whether they 'like me'- I tell myself they should be the ones wondering whether I like them
-if I text them and they don't reply immediately/within half a hour I panic- again, do they like me. What are they doing. If they liked me they'd text back quicker etc
-I'm never going to meet anyone- I just don't feel like I'm the kind of person who's ever going to be someone's 'the one'
- with the online dating one, the thought of him going on a date then going on a date with me makes me feel sick- but I am literally doing the exact same thing. That's what online dating is like, that's the whole
Point.
- constantly checking my phone to see if they're online/active on whatsapp etc- this again stems to the first one.
I know writing this down makes me look absolutely pathetic. Embarrassing in fact. I am a 30 odd year old woman with a good job, own home, car, supportive friends and family etc and yet this over whelms me. Completely and utterly consumes me almost. It's like my anxiety sticks to it and I can't escape the thoughts.
Maybe I should give up on dating altogether. Like I said, I have always been the same and it's horrible. How am I supposed to find a nice normal man to settle down with when I'm literally feeling absolutely sick at the thought of someone not replying within a hour. It's pathetic.
Will counselling help? And if yes, what kind? Or do people think this is just a symptom of my anxiety? Or is there some kind of book I can read?
I'm not even sure if this all makes sense, I feel like I'm rambling now. Thank you if you have got this far!