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Christmas gifts this year (absence of)

(3 Posts)
Todayfrustratingday Thu 07-Dec-17 13:58:51

So I have decided to take control of my life. My DH and I are not getting on and will spend Christmas Day with our respective families. I know I will enjoy the day because I'll be with those I care about. DH will presumably see his nearest family for at least part of the day. I don't want DH to buy me any presents because all I actually want/wanted from him for a very long time is his love and time and affection/sentiment. If i tell DH I am not buying him anything I fear it will sound spiteful, but it's simply that we've been getting on so terribly that giving and receiving gifts would seem insincere. Does this make sense when typed/said out loud?

NotTheFordType Thu 07-Dec-17 15:43:10

How about phrasing it more neutrally and saying "Let's not do presents this year - we're adults and can buy ourselves what we need any time of year."

Todayfrustratingday Fri 08-Dec-17 10:46:43

That is a good suggestion. Pretty spot on as well. Thank you. That way it won't seem like i'm trying to be spiteful or mean because I'm not. The spirit of the giving just isn't there. He told me a month ago that he isn't sure if he wants to stay married to me anymore but he wasn't certain and he said he needs time to see what we've left of our marriage.
The little niggles between him and me seem more obvious now. The small things are the ones that get pushed under the carpet and accumulate to the breaking point stage.

Me going out shopping to choose gifts for him when I don't want to look like i'm trying to buy his attention feels wrong. You are right though, we are fortunate enough that we do treat ourselves throughout the year to this jumper, those jeans, that CD/DVD/blueray whatever. He spend a lot of money earlier this year on his car repairs that I later found out was 3 times the sum he actually told me it was. Little lies that feel like he's trying to shut me out of things. I hate being excluded. I had enough of that 30 years ago at secondary school. Thanks for your time.

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