So for the past seven years I have been in a loving relationship and have three young children with my partner. We were not engaged but talking about marriage and buying a house. We had quite amassed quite a bit of debt as my partner was unemployed for a while and we stupidly didn't pay council tax or credit cards took out loans etc etc.
4 weeks ago we were told we had 2 weeks to find £560 or else bailiffs would be coming to our house. This put a massive strain on general life. My partner was working and had a good job but we rarely saw any of his wages due to it going on paying off our debts.
Anyway, 3 weeks ago, we had a row, being totally truthful it wasn't a major row just a normal row. In this row my partner cried (HE NEVER cries. His dad died when he was 15 and he didn't cry then!) and two days later he moved out. For those two days we didn't really talk. The atmosphere was awful I would shout at him (in anger) "Just go. Just leave" which he didn't do until two days after the first argument. The first night he slept in his car. He said many things to me like "You will find someone better" "I don't deserve this family" When I cried he said things like "Don't waste your tears on me. I'm not worth it" His mum lives next door and so the day after he slept in his car, I went to his mums so she could see her grandchildren and told her everything. She was distraught and forced him to sleep in her spare room. He hasn't told his mum anything. I told her everything as I don't really get on with my mum so I had to vent to someone.
In the three weeks we have been apart he hasn't acted like his usual self. I'm not 100% sure he wants the relationship to end as he has refused to cut ties properly. He still comes to see the children but when he's with them he seems very distant and not in the moment. Where he works he can sometimes get free things such and he has brought home some baby products for he girls, candles for me and even a fit bit style watch. When he comes and puts the girls to bed he hovers about like he doesn't want to leave, if I tell him he can stay he won't and goes to his mums.
Under normal circumstances he's a rather sociable person. Goes for a pint weekly with his best friend. Chats to people at work in his break. But since he moved out he hasn't. He hasn't told anyone about the break up. The only person who knows is one person he works with, and they only know because they found him sleeping in his car the first night he left.
As he is living next door, I know when he's home and when he's not and he hasn't left his mums to go anywhere other than work. He has a severe eating disorder and his diet is limited, and for the past few weeks I'm not sure he's eaten. Not even his mum has seen him eat. I've spoken to her and she has said all he does is come home, say hello to her. Tells her he's going for a shower, goes for a shower. Comes down says he's going bed. And sits in her box room. There's no TV in the box room either so he's literally alone with his own thoughts or sleeping.
The problem I have is on two occasions since the split, have said some horrid things to him. Blackmailed him etc which I know I'm wrong to do.
In a nutshell, before he left we were in quite a bit of debt, threatened with bailiffs. Our house was a building site as we employed (accidentally) cowboy builders and they left it worse than when they started and with it being Christmas he was put on overtime so works 6 days on, 12 hour days and two days off.
My question is what do I do? I don't feel like this split is permanent and I genuinely believe he is struggling with some form of breakdown or depression or something. He is such a bottler and keeps all his emotions in. His dad died 17 years ago and he has never spoke to anyone about that. I've asked him to try and work our relationship our, he has never said he doesn't want to just says "I have nothing in me to give" he's admitted up until that argument he was happy and wanted this relationship. He's also admitted me misses me, he still loves me. I know there isn't anybody else for a fact. He still has photos of both of us on his social media and whatsapp photos etc.
I do want our relationship to work but I just don't know how to go about it and if/how I can help him!
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Louiseandhercubs · 07/12/2017 13:07
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