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Relationship difficulties with DH

(1 Post)
auberginesandcourgettes Thu 07-Dec-17 07:11:52

I feel like DH doesn't have much enthusiasm for our life. To be fair, we have a 3 year old and 10 week old, so life is hard (and perhaps I am partly feeling like this due to hormones and recent life upheaval) but he has been like this for a while and it really puts a downer on my life too.

We moved here from another country 5 years ago, pre kids, and since then he has worked from home. Aside from some NCT friends, and my own friends, he doesn't have any friends of his own here.

He has always been a bit of a homebody, and pre-kids it was always me driving things, eg. suggesting and organising holidays etc. This became more extreme when DC1 was born, and he developed anxiety about going out of the house. To be fair, he did try to solve this through medication and CBT, but it's become more something that is just accepted now. He's not currently doing anything active to address it.

So I think the anxiety is part of it, but it does extend inside the home too. 90% of the time it is me who suggests doing anything, eg. a day out, starting swimming lessons for DC1, going to see Father Christmas, even just a trip to the playground etc. Within the house I am the one thinking of Christmas presents for DC and games/activities to do. He will play with DC1 if DC1 asks him, but otherwise will sit looking at his phone while looking after him. During the week, I often put out lunch for him so we can all eat together, but he will come down late (however much notice given), and seems to disappear back upstairs as soon as possible.

On top of this, since going on maternity leave, I seem to be doing more and more of the household chores. Previously I was doing all the cleaning and laundry, he was doing gardening, and we were sharing cooking, washing up and the food shop. But gradually I seem to be doing the majority of the indoor chores now. We do still share bedtimes and nursery runs for DC1. I have told him I'm not happy with the division of chores, but haven't seem any major improvements yet.

When I've talked to him to see why he doesn't seem to enjoy our family life, he says it's not the case, that he does but also finds it hard and stressful with two young kids. I get that, but also am finding that he really brings my mood down as he never seems very happy or excited about anything. I want to enjoy these years while they are little, even though I know it is hard work. I want to create memories of special family moments, but I feel like he is a weight dragging behind me all the time. Sometimes I feel like it would not be anymore work to just be on my own.

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