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Advice needed

(9 Posts)
blueberry2988 Wed 06-Dec-17 19:30:15

I'm married with 3 kids , my husband is out from 8 am till 9 pm everyday except the weekend he does work the odd Saturday . I feel like a single parent he does not help me at all with the children , weekend he is in bed mostly because he is so tired he thinks that he deserves this . My children are so busy I am exhausted I don't have anybody that can have them for me and my husband does not help ! Do I give him an ultimatum ? How do I approach this without sounding needy

Wanderwall Wed 06-Dec-17 19:31:57

Have you told him how you feel?

If he won't help then you have to decide whether you want to stay with someone like that.

blueberry2988 Wed 06-Dec-17 19:35:58

I've told him he needs to start helping with the children not just for me but for them , he's says he's doing what he does for the family as I've had to give up work to look after little ones . So we have no other income apart from his

routineplease Wed 06-Dec-17 19:37:45

I really feel for you as it is so hard with 3 kids and you have no support.
You are clearly feeling very resentful towards your DH.
Would you feel comfortable letting all this out to your DH? Put it all on the table and tell him how you feel and then ask him to work it out together?
An ultimatum is only going to create a negative outcome for you.
He may resent you asking for help in that way or he may act on the ultimatum and you'll be left on your own to raise all 3 anyway.
Is there any space in your budget for you to take at least a few hours/afternoon/day off a week?

NarcsBegone Wed 06-Dec-17 19:39:20

I'm actually a single parent. My life is easier because I don't have a partner around to add to my issues but that is where the pros stop.
I get the running around for kids clubs, sporting events etc is hard work but if you gave him the ultimatum to move out or help more you would either still be doing all of that or possibly too skint to afford the clubs etc.
If you're just pissed off with him (and rightly so) for being unavailable generally and/or adding to your burden instead of taking away then a very frank discussion about your future is a good idea.

blueberry2988 Wed 06-Dec-17 19:41:03

The children hopefully will be doing mornings after Christmas in school so that will give me a bit of time to myself but I'll be spending most of my morning off catching a bus to get them . He spends no time with me what's so ever I feel like we are brother and sister .

blueberry2988 Wed 06-Dec-17 19:44:10

He chooses to work the hours he does as he's been promoted in work to manager he has a really good job but he says this is not good enough and wants more . He wasted most of his life and now nearing 40 and with wife and kids to support he wants to do well . But it seems like he's forgotten about me and the children and is just getting on with his career .

CanalTrip Wed 06-Dec-17 19:45:01

Would you feel comfortable discussing alternatives with your husband? The current situation doesn't seem sustainable for you and not the best for your children either. Could he work less, maybe give up some luxuries but have more time with his family? Could you both work, but less intensively? Could you employ someone to help with the children at times? In an ideal world, how do you see it?

blueberry2988 Wed 06-Dec-17 19:55:03

I am just not happy ! I need a husband who is here he don't get in till 9 every night from work I'm left with the children 247 he don't get up with the baby he don't tidy up after him self . I just feel I would be better off on my own it's just the financial part of bringing up 3 kids. I've offered to get a job he says he doesn't want me to work he's very old fashioned he would rather me be in house cooking and cleaning

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