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Think he's left me and not told me?!

(1000 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Carrotgirl999 Wed 06-Dec-17 13:51:56

Ok sorry, this might be long.

Been with partner around 6 months, just moved in together. Things have been fantastic until this weekend, when his ex got in touch and it threw him, they had a messy break up around a year ago and we're engaged, after 8 years together. She's basically begging for him back.

He told me honestly about their conversation, that he needed closure, felt strong when replying knowing he had a good life now with me.

Although he's been quieter since Saturday he assured me no reason to worry.

This morning I went to work, but had a gut instinct something wasn't right (randomly changed his WhatsApp pic from us to one of him) and my messages weren't delivering. I tried to call, no answer. I txt him to say I was going home early, when I called again he answered, said 'for fuck sake, ok hope you feel better soon.'

Got home an hour later, to be locked out (live in flats with communal entrance) his phone switched off and nowhere to be seen.

I got a neighbour to let me in, he isn't answering his phone, not receiving any messages, has basically vanished. All his things are here.

His smart new clothes he bought the other day have had the tags taken off and left so he's obviously wearing them. But no coat.

I'm thinking the worst. That he's left for good. Maybe being paranoid, but this is all VERY out of character. Never not been able to get hold of him before.

In the interest of not stop feeding, he left his ex one day taking nothing, just walking out, when he heard she had cheated. So he's capable of leaving things behind without second thought. He didn't tell me on the phone he was out but it looks as tho he waited for me to leave for work, got changed and went. Told me he had no plans, what he's making for tea, he was gunna do housework today, blah blah.

Someone talk some sense into me as my instincts are saying the worst has happened and he's gone back to her without so much as a backwards glance. sad

Animation86 Wed 06-Dec-17 13:55:08

Can't say its sounding good myself, but if this all kicked off this morning I guess theres still time for a reasonable explanantion to all this

EverythingEverywhere1234 Wed 06-Dec-17 13:57:47

Okay, now to my mind, that seems like a huge leap. It doesn't make much sense that he would have just buggered off and left all his things, but clearly he has form. I am afraid that a relationship where I would assume my DP had left me should they go for an unannounced walk (which he may have done) would not be the relationship for me.

Carrotgirl999 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:01:30

I know what you're saying, but a 4 hour walk without a coat seems odd. Also he knew I was coming home and didn't have a key so a quick txt saying Iv nipped out would be more of a normal expectation. Maybe I'm just paranoid because the weekend has held some uncertainty with his begging ex. I don't know. Could be just me. sad

hellsbellsmelons Wed 06-Dec-17 14:01:32

I think your gut instinct is correct.
He's gone.
Do you know where he keeps paperwork, like passports etc...?
Are they still there?
Stop trying to contact him.
Keep busy for now.
Get to the gym or go and meet friends for a catch up.
Anything to get you out.
He's a cock of highest order if he's done this and that means he has done you a huge favour doing this early into the relationship.
Sorry but it's not looking good!

EverythingEverywhere1234 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:03:15

Yea maybe you're right. I don't know, I couldn't possibly call it, I don't think. What an utter wanker if he has tho!! I'm sorry you're going through this flowers

Mintychoc1 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:05:01

Is his ex local? Could he have gone to meet her? I'd have thought it's more likely that he's a bit mixed up and confused, maybe gone for a walk, or gone to talk to friends, rather than actually left you.

Carrotgirl999 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:06:09

Passport here, as is phone charger, clothes. The only thing is why would he take the keys.

I think he was hoping for a secret rendezvous while I was at work and to be back before me at 6, for me never to know.

Now Iv scuppered that plan phones off and perhaps that's the end? God knows.

I hate not knowing more than anything, it's bloody cruel.

Thankyou for the hand holds xxx

Carrotgirl999 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:07:33

Ex is about 45 mins away but he doesn't drive so, my thought, he's gone on the train, when I called he was already on the way, too late to turn around.

Maybe il hear from him once they've met up, maybe I won't. God knows. X

Psychobabble123 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:09:03

Blimey, he sounds a right peach hmm

Mintychoc1 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:10:32

what did you say when he said "for fucks sake, ok hope you feel better soon"?

Carrotgirl999 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:11:00

I know. Seeing it all written down like that is making it a bit clearer to me. Honestly tho before this weekend he has been the most loyal, caring and honest person. Perhaps I should've had my eyes open wider.

Met his family, friends, booked a holiday. Then she's popped up and bang, different person. Madness.

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 06-Dec-17 14:11:07

It does sound like he’s gone.

Carrotgirl999 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:11:33

I said, il be about an hour, and he said, ok see you soon. Knowing he wasn't going to be here. sad

LoverOfCake Wed 06-Dec-17 14:12:21

The fact you have automatically assumed that he's left off the back of (let's be fair,) fairly little evidence says a lot more about the state of your relationship than anything else tbh.

Having moved in together and got engaged within six months is moving incredibly fast, and tbh you hardly know each other at all. And yet you've automatically assumed that because he's not at the flat he's left for good without taking anything with him.

Clearly this isn't the relationship for you even if he hasn't left, since you don't trust him and things are already volatile between you in that he wants to go back to his ex already.

Carrotgirl999 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:12:56

Sorry, we aren't engaged, him and his ex were. But yes I see what you're saying x

mumgointhroughtorture Wed 06-Dec-17 14:14:01

If he does come back you need a long chat about all this and his ex coming back on the scene coz it's gonna eat away at you every time you or he leaves the house , wondering if he's gonna be there when you get home and imagining him with her .

He needs to reassure you if he does come back .

user1497997754 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:14:08

Very odd....keep busy....I hope it turns out okay for you

Guiltypleasures001 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:18:33

Who owns rents the flat op? Your not going to be homeless as well are you if he has gone. 💐

Carrotgirl999 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:19:13

Yes he would need to reassure me, Iv had no reason to not trust him until
Now and this is a horrible feeling.

God I feel lost.

BubblesPip Wed 06-Dec-17 14:19:40

Maybe he just needs a bit of space to think about things. I would be very surprised if he’s just left with nothing.

Mrskeats Wed 06-Dec-17 14:19:57

I think your instincts are probably correct. I would be wary of a man who has already done this to someone else.
I think you will regard this as a lucky escape in time. The ghosting is awful as is the way he spoke to you,

Carrotgirl999 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:21:41

No, my names on the tenancy, although financially I would really struggle without his wage. I have a son who's 12 also, so I made sure the tenancy was secure enough for us that way.

I feel so sick. I can't ever understand being able to leave someone guessing.

If he needed space he knows all he would have had to do was say as much

Erica891 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:22:32

I agree with BubblesPip. Give him a bit of space to reflect on things. I'm sorry that you're going through this right now. I just hope you two would be okay.

Whatsinanameanyway201 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:23:33

Can't offer advice, but can offer a handhold, hope everything works out for you and its all just a misunderstanding x

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