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here we go again...Groundhog day

(5 Posts)
ifihadonlyknown Wed 06-Dec-17 12:24:09

Miserable cow here. DS 6M Decided to get up at 4am and was ready for the day. Nothing unusual there. DD 16 who is a total f+++ing princess is working today so needed me to get all her clothes ready, sort a lunch, wait with her on the corner for her lift (DS in pushchair while still dark outside)etc. DP pulled a late one again and was a bugger to rouse this morning and I had sent him off with DIY lunch kit to last him the week (bread, cheeses bacon etc) which I'd had to purchase this morning at 06:50 because some bugger had raided the fridge and we had sod all. and then DS spends the morning being the most irritating baby refuses to be in his jumparoo, play area, cot whatever-just wants to be in my arms. In the end I cant take it anymore (mess gives me severe anxiety) I leave him screaming in his cot while I have a tidy up. Return to DS who is red, covered in snot and of course I'm feeling so guilty now. I put him in the bath and sing to him and he's happy. Great. Now he's had lunch and is fast asleep. Suddenly the house falls silent and I'm craving company. But I don't have a single RL friend and no interested family so only option is to wonder solo around the town center until it gets too cold and I come home. I would love to go swimming or play pool at the pub like I did before I was pregnant but I have a baby now and cant justify paying a private babysitter £20 to go swim for an hour and then my old pub friends have long disappeared and lost touch because they haven't wanted to know me since I settled down. DP doesn't do childcare. He doesn't do a lot really and we don't have much to do with each other since the baby, we were in love before but now I do things for him, he puts half his wages in my bank each month and that's the arrangement. Its shit,but I have thought about it lots and I think life is slightly better with him here so I let him stay. I work two days a week, after nursery fees I bank about £5. Its a crap job but at least its something different, a change of scenery. But 5 days a week, Its pretty much the same every day (see above) is this just how it is? When DD was little I had plenty of money and a reliable babysitter so could get out whenever I wanted. I don't have the opportunity to make that sort of money anymore so I cant see a way out of this. Anyone else struggle like this?

TammySwansonTwo Wed 06-Dec-17 12:38:59

I have 14mo twins and no family nearby or friends who are in a position to help so that's that. The difference is that my DH actually pulls his weight.

You need to get tough, woman. Your daughter is 16 years old and doesn't need you waiting with her for a lift or sorting things out for her. Your DP can wake himself up and sort his own lunch out. Your job right now is looking after your baby, not two grown up humans. Join some baby groups and hang in there flowers

Offred Wed 06-Dec-17 12:49:42

so needed me to get all her clothes ready, sort a lunch, wait with her on the corner for her lift (DS in pushchair while still dark outside)etc.

Err no, a 16 year old with a job doesn’t need you to do this for her. She might want you to do this for her, you might be so knackered from dealing with the baby and a DP that does nothing to deal with her kicking off if you don’t do it, but she does NOT need you to be doing that.

DP pulled a late one again and was a bugger to rouse this morning and I had sent him off with DIY lunch kit to last him the week (bread, cheeses bacon etc) which I'd had to purchase this morning at 06:50 because some bugger had raided the fridge and we had sod all.

You shouldn’t be doing this for an adult either, he can organise his own food and get himself up for work as above with dd.

There is no excuse for him to not be doing anything in the house or re the baby either.

From what you have written the reason you are struggling and your social and work life has taken a hit is because you are not only looking after an actual baby but two adults as though they are babies.

My 12 year old son cooks tea for us once a week, gets himself up for things, does the bins every week, organises his own clothes (not without moaningand pestering but I just repeat ‘I don’t know’ when he asks where clothes are).

You might have less of his wages I you split but he’d have to do more childcare and would not require constant babying as he is now. And you’d probably get benefits as well to top up the money.

Isetan Wed 06-Dec-17 12:52:14

No medals for martyrdom.

snackarella Wed 06-Dec-17 12:55:38

I'd try some baby groups. Some days are just hard but try and get the others to help out a little. Good luck x

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