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Parental Neglect

(5 Posts)
VALERIESCO Wed 06-Dec-17 11:57:41

I am an older mum & raised my children after 10 yrs of marrige to a drunk on my own,whilst working full-time. The dad shaped up his act and then become the suger daddy to the kids with no bounderies. I have tried after my daughter went to a live in colledge for 3 yrs to build a relationship with her,go shopping ,fun times out but she does not want any of that. I am a hard working mum who is not a drunk or drug user and even in seriouse ill health over last 2 yrs ,she has rejected me & not even shown a care if I am dead or alive. I have written her letters and attempted tel calls to her telling I love her. She is herself a trainee physio in the NHS NOW, but dad spoils her & she sees him 2-3 times per week. I was couragouse 2mths ago and telephoned her asking we bridge build/try & trust one another again??-She agreed & I went for lunch to her flat in November,whereby she invited me for XMAS DAY/Lunch with her boyfreind-Yes I said instantly..Only for her to ring me last week to invite me over for Xmas day tea instead..What had happened I ask "Oh dad is coming for Xmas dinner" & as he cant be in the same room as you...This is the way it is..Despite me protesting that,she & sons had spent last 5-10 yrs at his house and sometimes I spent Xmas on my own or occassionally with freinds..But after major surgery in Dec 2016 -On my own..Would like opinion as tired of still in divorce being superseeded by this man & his money.?

SD1978 Wed 06-Dec-17 12:06:56

I’m sorry to read this. You have done all you can, and sadly if they can’t recognise that, and that you have and continue to do your best, you can’t force them to. So you want to go for tea? Or do you have another option that you would enjoy?

KarmaStar Wed 06-Dec-17 12:18:36

Hi,
Are you looking for advice on whether or not to keep trying for a relationship with your daughter?
If is difficult to advise but there comes a point when you have done all you possibly can and then have to walk away and hope they will come back to you.Constantly chasing someone's time and affection is draining and heart breaking.she must know by now that you want your children in your life.
Do you know why your dc's have turned against you?did they all just leave you for no reason and move in with their dad?has he possibly told them tales about you which are untrue?

Offred Wed 06-Dec-17 12:39:14

I’m confused by your title... do you mean you feel your daughter is neglecting you or that your children were neglected as children?

From the content;

You come across as though you feel like you are entitled to a relationship with your dd that is closer than her relationship with her dad.

This is a quick route to getting no relationship.

Whatever you feel about her father she is half him and half you. If you continue to make it clear that you want to compete with and beat him then she will back away from you.

Neither you nor her father are entitled to a close relationship with your children. How much or how little they have to do with you will be entirely dependent on the quality of your relationship with them. The quality of your relationship will be negatively affected by this needy competitiveness with her father because she loves him.

Isetan Wed 06-Dec-17 13:39:16

As hurtful as the reason for your DD's change of Xmas plans was, you will have an opportunity to be with her and that's the main thing right? If you give off competitive vibes it will only alienate her and poison the very very early shoots of a reconciliation.

Take a step at a time and maybe seek out someone irl to talk to.

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