Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Partner on pof?

(35 Posts)
ChocolateCupcake123 Tue 05-Dec-17 22:12:31

Really struggling here!

Been with my partner for about 8 months, everything is really good. We spend every evening together, except when he’s working late.

A friend just called me to say she’s seen him “online” on plenty of fish regularly over the past few months. She didn’t want to say anything because she thought it might just be the app running in the background on his phone. (I know he was previously online dating).

She’s just noticed that his profile picture has changed, though apparently it’s one of the photos already on his profile, just a new “front photo” or whatever it’s called.

Any explanation other than playing away? I really don’t want to believe he’d do this sad

JollyGiraffe Tue 05-Dec-17 22:14:14

There isn't any other explanation I don't think sad

doowapwap Tue 05-Dec-17 22:17:25

Sounds like he is still using it.

Can your friend send you screen shots so you have the proof?

Then confront him when you do

NeedHelp1002 Tue 05-Dec-17 22:20:59

Only one plausible explanation... I've met guys who just can't seem to kick in there POF obsession even when a decent woman is staring them in the face

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt Tue 05-Dec-17 22:22:26

Did you have the chat about being exclusive and coming off all dating apps/sites? If not would you do that now? You could encourage him to log on and delete his photos then his profile while you're with him.

The other option is to set up a new account with no pic and go and look for yourself.

Annelind Tue 05-Dec-17 22:29:35

The other option is to set up a new account with no pic and go and look for yourself.

Or use an old pic of yourself (different hairstyle, or something else that makes you look slightly different or even photoshopping a pic) and message him to see if he responds.

Ok I'm a devious cow!

eastlondoner Tue 05-Dec-17 22:34:22

No there's no other explanation. What a shit.angry

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt Tue 05-Dec-17 22:40:03

Annelind I once suspected a guy I was dating of still cruising the dating site. The only effort I went to was to think up a different user name and input the bare minimum to create a profile. No profile text, no photo... I then found him (he was so complacent he had the same user name!) and winked at him. He actually me ssaged the fake me (with no info) on the back of that wink. I immediately dumped him by text and he had no wriggle room.

HCantThinkOfAUsername Tue 05-Dec-17 22:43:11

Oh how awful, must be a shock sad get evidence and confront.

Annelind Tue 05-Dec-17 22:46:30

Been I like your style. What an arrogant twat. (Him not you!)

userxx Tue 05-Dec-17 22:46:48

Hmmm doesn't sound good. Why are you spending every night with him? What about your friends? You need to get the proof then dump him.

ProfessorPickles Tue 05-Dec-17 22:50:05

No explanation sorry OP sad
8 months in is a long time too for there to be any "I didn't think we were exclusive"

LondonLassInTheCountry Tue 05-Dec-17 22:52:07

Make up an account. Fake photos. And message him. See if he responds. See if he says his single

Hellywelly10 Tue 05-Dec-17 22:58:49

Working late?

Shen0102 Tue 05-Dec-17 23:01:52

Online dating can be addictive..he probably just likes the attention he gets from the girls.

But as someone said, you can get to the bottom of it by messaging him on the app under an alias and see how he responds.

debbs77 Tue 05-Dec-17 23:37:53

No excuses. Even if he hadn't come off of it completely you can still hide your own profile

LondonLassInTheCountry Wed 06-Dec-17 00:24:58

Iv clicked on mine a couple of times and so has partner. Mostly to "try" and look at what our first messages to each other said.

They are both still on therr but not used

Sn0tnose Wed 06-Dec-17 00:50:05

I think, as heartbreaking as it is, you have to accept the fact that he's either trying to meet someone else, either for a new relationship or a casual bunk up, or he's one of those idiots who gets off on messaging other women, even if he has no intention of meeting them. Dating sites don't randomly change profile pics for people.

You have two options. Dump him immediately or (the option I took and still regret because I totally lost my dignity and made myself look like a crazy stalker) set up a fake profile and message him to see if he bites. However tempting it is, I really don't recommend the second option. Not only is it really hurtful to hear a man you have strong feelings for deny he has a girlfriend (despite him being the one to put a label on it) but the emphasis will always be on the fact that you catfished him, rather than him being a cheat and a liar.

Walk away with your head held high and move onwards and upwards.

esk1mo Wed 06-Dec-17 01:02:16

definitely make a fake account and message him. he will be honest to a woman on PoF about what he wants/why he is there

he wont be honest to you if you ask

ChocolateCupcake123 Wed 06-Dec-17 09:07:39

Thanks all.

Definitely working late when he says he is, can’t say how or it’ll be too identifying. But he 100% is.

So I confronted him and he said that he still had the app on his phone and so it’s just running in the background. I googled and apparently it can show you as online, even if you don’t open the app, so perhaps? (Or maybe wishful thinking).

The change of picture...he said he once couldn’t log into his account and the password reset wasn’t working so he created a new account. So he says he didn’t change the picture, it’s two different accounts.

I honestly don’t know what to do sad it all sounds far fetched, but if he is telling the truth then I’m throwing away the best relationship of my life over nothing

chatty1234 Wed 06-Dec-17 09:11:42

I think OLD can be addictive and some people even though happy with the person get a kick out of the attention. Not saying that it's right though. In regards to him setting up a new account this is where alarm bells would be ringing for me why would he need to do that??

BitOutOfPractice Wed 06-Dec-17 09:13:11

Why did he need to set up a new account?

AdalindSchade Wed 06-Dec-17 09:13:26

It doesn't show yyou as online unless you're online. He's spinning you a load of bullshit.

mindutopia Wed 06-Dec-17 09:13:51

Why not just ask him to delete it? Or de-activate it?

ShatnersWig Wed 06-Dec-17 09:14:52

Sad that the best relationship of your life is one that sees you accepting this total bullshit.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: