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Getting in touch after 5 years of NC

(6 Posts)
Tellmewhatyouknow Tue 05-Dec-17 20:50:48

I had a terrible childhood mainly due to my mother who is an addict. I went NC with her when my DF passed away 5 years ago.

My DB moved away 2 years ago. My DSis is now planning to move away too. I left the area 20 years ago and live a considerable distance away.

Now my sister is moving away too I can't stop thinking about my mother. Due to her lifestyle, she has no friends and when my DSis moves aways she will have no one left.

She is getting old and frail and despite her lack of parenting, I pity her. I can no longer think of her as the mother who neglected me but just a lonely old woman with no one or nothing in her life.

Do I reach out and try to have a relationship with her or am I opening myself back up to hurt and pain? I don't think she would or could do anything to hurt me now but making contact again will open up old wounds.

I'm also aware that she is struggling financially and she may encourage a relationship with the hopes of getting some money from me (she has a history of this)

Feeling confused confused

Offred Tue 05-Dec-17 20:55:18

She is not your responsibility.

As she is an addict with a long standing addiction you getting back into contact again would simply open you up to getting hurt and would not help her at all.

ferando81 Tue 05-Dec-17 21:46:53

Is she still an addict?If she is I wouldn't bother.Even if she's cleaned up her act there would be little you can do because you live so far away..
Your compassion does you credit but baby steps if you do contact her

Worriedrose Tue 05-Dec-17 22:16:50

Only you really know her. All us on the WWW have no idea.
But think about why you went NC
you sound like a lovely empathetic person, but that leaves you very vulnerable.
You come first in your life.

SeaEagleFeather Wed 06-Dec-17 08:24:10

I can understand why you want to reach out.

If you do, you are opening up to hurt. It's hard; a child who's had a bad upbringing often longs desperately for a mother's love all her life, since she didn't get it at the right time, and that can make things harder.

Could you stay reasonably emotionally detached from her? Or keep strict boundaries so that you say 'so far and no further?"

If you can see her as an old woman that you choose to take care of but not open yourself up to her then it could work.

springydaff Wed 06-Dec-17 08:40:59

I am back in contact with my very aged parents. I know I am never going to get the good stuff from them - in a strange way my nurturing them means someone is getting some nurturing lol. I will be taking my poor old mum to the doctors today and I'm glad to be doing it. They are so frail now they really need help.

Do it if you know without doubt you will get nothing from her. If there is a vestige of wanting some of the good stuff then watch out, it's highly unlikely you'll get it.

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