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Taking OLDs forwards after first date

(51 Posts)
MiracleCure Tue 05-Dec-17 11:05:05

I’ve read the other thread about “don’ts” for OLD profiles, and would like to hear about experiences of when OLD went well.

Why did it work? And what were the timings? Most people meet in a public place first. Then what?

I’ve had a few dates like this in the past but they have never progressed beyond the first date because I took an instant dislike, or there was no chemistry.

But if there was chemistry... How did you move it forwards? Emails, texts, more dates? At which stage do you see each other’s houses/sleep together/etc.?

Prettyprettygood Tue 05-Dec-17 11:08:33

I met dp on tinder. Talked for a month then he invited me to his house for dinner. Slept together that night blush
Been together 3 years, have a 6 month old ds.

MiracleCure Tue 05-Dec-17 11:18:39

This is great, Pretty, thank you for sharing those timings! Sounds very lovely indeed smilesmilesmile

MiracleCure Tue 05-Dec-17 18:29:39

Just bumping this as it would be great to hear from more people ...

niceupthedance Tue 05-Dec-17 18:34:37

DP and I chatted for five days, first date was Sunday lunch. A week later was date 2, date 3 was the cinema and date four was at my house. The difference between him and other dates was that he wanted to talk on the phone between dates. We’ve been together 2 years now.

Afterthestorm Tue 05-Dec-17 18:34:41

It is not advisable to go to anybody's house for a full date! Stick to having a drink, or possibly a meal somewhere public. Message the next day to say if you'd like to see each other again. If so, take it from there as you normally would. There is no right or wrong, everybody is different.

KatnissK Tue 05-Dec-17 18:37:51

Met DH on plenty of fish. Texted/messaged for about 2 weeks. First date was in Starbucks on a Sunday afternoon. Got on well, lots of texting after that and arranged a date a couple of days later. All kicked off from there- he asked me to be his girlfriend a couple of weeks later, we moved in together the following year, we've now been together 6 years, got married last year and just had our first baby. I had only met one person prior from pof and there was no chemistry whatsoever...he ended the date with 'take care' and a limp handshake so knew that was a non-starter!

KatnissK Tue 05-Dec-17 18:39:32

Oh and we slept together after 3 weeks, which meant I met his whole family the next day as he still lived at home! Could have been awkward but they were (and still are) lovely!

littleskittle Tue 05-Dec-17 18:53:55

Met on match, talked online for a month or so, slept together on first date, second date the next day, we were practically living together within a month and engaged after 15 months, married 11 months later. Now together 5 years, married 3 years and have DS 2 and DD 9 months smile
This was after 2 years of online dating on and off that went nowhere (max 3 or 4 dates per person)

LesisMiserable Tue 05-Dec-17 18:54:57

Met on tinder and talked for a month. First date went from a couple of drinks to a very mutually drunken night and first date sex. Second date was out for a curry. Third date was watching The Apprentice at his house whilst he rubbed my feet. Fourth date, out for a meal - and first fallout - anyway, been together three years, been married four months. Lots of texting in between dates - but no obsessing about it on either side. Still lots now, still no obsessing. Texting is the gravy, nice but not compulsory, but being together is the meal 😊

littleskittle Tue 05-Dec-17 18:55:01

Not saying this is necessary best idea (eg inviting him back on first date) but in this case it worked out!

Boredboredboredboredbored Tue 05-Dec-17 19:01:14

Well I'm pretty new to the world of OLD. I joined POF a couple of months ago and started chatting to somebody that same night. Met him a week later in a local bar in my town and then messaged a lot the following week. I've been seeing him 1 - 2 times a week for 2 months now. We either meet up at his or maybe in the city, have food drinks and then back to his.

RaspberryBeret34 Tue 05-Dec-17 19:17:12

I've had a few first dates progress to a relationship. I tended to go for a coffee/drink for first date but did do the odd dinner (or once the zoo!) first dates. The second date would usually end up about a week later (mainly due to childcare etc), I usually kissed them 2nd or 3rd date and sex around date 6-8. I'd invite them round to mine around date 4/5. Contact was generally just texts, usually mostly in the evenings and/or one or two in the day. I've only just realised what a predictable pattern they all followed shock.

My current (and hopefully forever!) BF, been together 2 years and live an hr and 20 mins apart so mostly have only seen each other on weekends only. He's less of a texter than many have been and it all felt quite slow initially because we live quite far apart. He was just really solidly lovely with contact/arranging dates etc. I felt like he was really intrested but not in a pushy way and it all just unfolded very naturally. There were probably times I was a bit concerned about the slow contact (every night, one or two texts and a goodnight text) but only because I got a bit used to pushy men trying to rush things.

First date was a sunday afternoon drink, second date was a week later - morning dog walk followed by coffee and cake. 3rd date was dinner out (met there and went home separately) with first kiss by my car! 4th date was at my house for dinner, a week later - lots of kissing and slept in same bed but nothing else happened. We had a slightly awkward conversation where he offered to go home but also made it clear he would stay if I was totally fine with it - I said he could stay either in spare room or my bed but no sex would happen, he was totally fine with that and said he was happy to wait as long as I wanted. 5th date at his, no sex but slept over - he made me a lovely breakfast and we had a walk on the saturday morning. 6th date a week later, we stayed at mine - no actual sex but other sexual stuff happened. I think we had sex on the 7th date - about 7/8 weeks after first meeting. I met his family on his birthday 2 months after we met so I guess things did progress pretty quickly after the first few dates!

MiracleCure Tue 05-Dec-17 19:59:45

Wow, this is so interesting! Thank you, all, for such brilliant stories!

MiracleCure Tue 05-Dec-17 20:02:05

Afterthestorm I think you may have misinterpreted my question . I am asking about the “everybody is different” part, and am interesting in how everything is different and in how OLD evolves

LadyLance Tue 05-Dec-17 20:14:07

I met my partner of six months on Tinder (after a few failed attempts)- we went out for drinks first, and had a few dates before I went back to his (he was actually in my city for business, so went back to the hotel where he was staying). We spent a lot of time texting and calling between dates, as his actual home is about 3 hours drive away, but we spend weekends together when we can. We're sort of talking about moving in together in the new year, but only when the logistics etc. suit.

We also went on holiday together recently, as we found a last minute cheap deal that suited us both.

In the early days, I think it's good to keep things interesting- as it was summer, we went for picnics and did activities as well as the standard dinner and drinks dates- I felt I could trust him fairly early on, and felt very safe staying over BUT I still let a friend know what I was doing and kept her updated.

Ideally, you want both parties to be initiating contact and arranging dates- if they aren't suggesting days/times/things to do, I think that's a bad sign. It doesn't have to be totally 50-50, but there's got to be some effort from both parties.

MiracleCure Tue 05-Dec-17 21:48:24

Brilliant story, LadyLadnce, I agree, 50-50 and doing stuff that is different each time, and the perception of split effort...Thanks for sharing, and good luck!

TangledSlinky Tue 05-Dec-17 22:07:05

I met DP on PoF. I think there was 5 days between starting chatting and meeting up.

First date was on the Tuesday, just drinks in a local bar. Chatted until closing time, when he announced he thought it had gone well (cocky bugger!) and suggested a second date.

Second date ended up being dinner at his on the Thursday. Would never normally agree to go to their house so early on, but over the course of our first date we realised just how interlinked our lives were (he'd known my housemate at the time since childhood and had lots of mutual friends) so it never really felt like I was spending time with a stranger. Ended up heading home at stupid o'clock as I didn't want to stay and give the wrong impression.

Ended up spending most of the weekend together, and were pretty much living together unofficially soon after, having tried to force ourselves to spend time apart for fear of rushing things (it didn't work, we just stayed up chatting on the phone til the early hours). Written down it sounds like a whirlwind, but in reality it just felt like he'd always been in my life. It was (and still is) so easy and uncomplicated, unlike some of my previous relationships.

We've lived together for several years now, own our own house and at the weekend he asked me to marry him grin so I must have done something right.

HotNatured Tue 05-Dec-17 23:41:45

Met my DP on Tinder. He lives 1hr 20 mins from my place. Lunch at a pub near me 1st date, 2nd date he came to mine on a Friday, left Monday morning, he then spent every weekend at mine and me at his, we went on holiday (long haul) after six weeks, both said the L word on the flight out there, decided to live together after 2 months and I know he will ask me to marry him soon, he's waiting for the right moment. It's odd and cheesy but we both felt like we'd known each other for years and totally trusted each other within weeks of meeting. He's the most amazing, loving, kind and generous guy I've ever met, he will do anything for me, we have so much in common and have the same values and enjoy the same past times, I just wish I'd met him 20 years ago!

parklives Tue 05-Dec-17 23:47:15

Hot that sounds so lovely!

MiracleCure Wed 06-Dec-17 05:39:23

Thanks again! Amazing stories, and goes to show how varied we are - but it sounds like most of you really went for it once you knew the chemistry was there.

Please could you advise?

I met this guy on Sat night. His profile really stood out to me. He sounds like we have loads of smaller things in common and our jobs and backgrounds are similar.

We spent all of Fri texting, including about sex. Sounded vv compatible.

Saturday just flew by. As soon as I saw him, i found him a thrill. Later, a lot of kissing. I held back & said no sex. He lives about 30 mins away from me. He respected my boundaries.

More texts, including sexting.

Sunday, we happened to be in same town& met for coffee. Could have stayed for hours. He asked to make it dinner but I held back.

Texting through day on Monday and Tuesday, including more sexting.

A lot of passion, but he seems solid and genuine. He is open about what he is thinking and has gone into a lot of detail about his working day. Not excessive texting, but timely.

We are discussing when next to see each other. I have Fri night, Sat, Sun free. The sexual chemistry is most certainly there. We both want to have sex. Soon.

Question: What would you do next?. Where would you meet?

Krunkle Wed 06-Dec-17 05:51:20

Tinder match on Friday. Messaged over weekend a bit, no sexting just chat.
Lunch the Monday. Wasn't sure about him but I have a 3 date rule.
Nightcap the Thursday. Still unsure.
Almost cancelled the Saturday night dinner date (third date). Felt a funny sense of curiosity and decided to go home with him, had a cracking shag and since then have not been able to keep away from each other.

Been two years. First year I took it very slow though. 1-2 dates a week at most for first 6 months. More from there and now here we are.

MiracleCure Wed 06-Dec-17 05:54:59

Kringle, your timings are similar to mine! Lucky he didn’t get away - you nearly missed that particular fish grin

overnightangel Wed 06-Dec-17 06:08:18

My last OLD experience (not planned just how it unfolded, obvs different depending on who you’re dating)

Chatted online for a week then texts for a week
Date 1 drinks in town
Date 2 dinner and drinks (& snog blush)
Date 3 went on day out, walk and on boat/steamer in Lakes near where we live, country pub for food
Date 4 (texting daily or chatting on phone by this time) he cooked and dvd at his and slept together

MiracleCure Wed 06-Dec-17 06:12:23

Thank you, overnightangel
I can see how your trust built up. Love the sounds of your lake-boat date! Mine also proposing dinner at his. I can’t work out if it’s too soon. Date 3.

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