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Mental health clouding my judgement?

(6 Posts)
nousername01 Mon 04-Dec-17 15:22:01

I've posted on here before several times about various things but changed my name for this one.
I've been with my partner since last August. At first, his ex wife tried to "warn me" about him and said he was only with me because he couldn't stand being alone. Before I go any further I want to clarify that my partner is slightly brain damaged and physically disabled (not drastically, can get about using a crutch and has been working till a few weeks ago - signed as unfit for work) the brain damage is very very minimal and to be honest, you wouldn't really know unless you spent a hell of a lot of time with him. He's forgetful and gets confused sometimes, also seems quite gullible/naive. This is as a result of a car crash a few years ago. He has 4 kids with his ex wife. After a few months of dating he left his Facebook logged in on my phone. I had just had this "warning" from his ex and I was a bit paranoid so I looked at his inbox (I know I know) I found messages from hi ex girlfriend (a few months before me) saying she was reporting him to the police for sexual assault and she was going to ruin his life and make sure he never sees his kids again. (These were sent in the August so when we first started dating) anyway, he replied with "but I never touched you, I came to get my stuff, you tried it and I rejected you and you can't handle it" she messaged him back saying that the police would believe her over him because she would make it convincing!! He replied calling her a liar again. He kind of told me about this but not to the extent and not at the time. He said he had been called in for questioning by the police and it had been dropped (he told me this not long after I read the messages). I think it's pretty evident from the messages that she was making it up. I have no doubts that he wouldn't hurt a fly. His ex girlfriend is friends with his ex wife which is a bit weird. Anyway. We've moved in together and are expecting a baby soon. Everything feels perfect. We have a few financial difficulties because of him no longer being able to work and me being on maternity leave but it's getting sorted, just takes time.
Anyway, the reason I'm posting is because I've woken up this morning and I haven't registered any emotional response whilst looking at my partner. I know it's sounds mad but everything was perfect yesterday (he treats me like a queen, very loving, affectionate, proper gent) we never argue etc. I don't know what's going on today but I've woke up thinking (when something seems too good to be true it probably is).
I have OCD, Anxiety and recently been diagnosed with antenatal depression. I'm not taking medication out of choice, which has been a struggle but want to remain medication free since being pregnant. I've woken up feeling completely lost and disconnected from everything and everyone today and I'm worried that if this continues I'm gonna say something that I'll regret. Has anyone ever felt like this? I can't even spend time with him today I feel really resentful of him and I have no idea why?

ravenmum Mon 04-Dec-17 15:53:07

Look up "depersonalisation", does it feel like that?

Could also (on top of that) be your subconscious telling you that you've ignored some possible red flags. Doesn't sound like you are feeling too comfortable with him or your current situation. Don't feel like you have to go along with anything just to keep him or your family happy.

Go and speak to your GP.

Iooselipssinkships Mon 04-Dec-17 16:11:59

Your gut is telling yourself something isn't right. From your post there is a lot of red flags. Was it his idea to have a baby? You haven't been together very long but have several threads on your own admission about this relationship.
Regarding the sexual assault allegation, did you see the texts yourself from the ex? Or did he tell you what they said?
He's been working until recently, is that so he can sponge off you or be around you all the time? Were you there when the GP signed him off?
Sadly IME there's no smoke without fire. I doubt the 'perfect gent' will last forever but then again I could be completely wrong.
Please seek some help from your GP for your mental health, they could signpost you to other organisations/support groups if you're not wanting to take medication.
Stay safe and look after yourself OP.

Isetan Mon 04-Dec-17 16:26:10

I don’t know why you feel the way you do, there are too many variables (his lying by omission, financial worries), including possible (not sure if you are receiving therapy) untreated MH conditions. However, you owe it to your unborn child to be as healthy as you possibly can and it appears the drama of your current relationship isn’t helping.

For a relationship of just over a year, this seems like a lot of drama. Right now you need to prioritise your MH as much as you possibly can.

nousername01 Mon 04-Dec-17 17:00:54

I've been the one pushing to get him signed off as he can barely walk some days but insists on working full time. I found the messages then not long after he told me about it and showed me them anyway. He hasn't lied to me as far as I'm aware about anything. I'm getting help currently with mental health. Getting pregnant wasn't exactly planned, I'm crap at remembering the pill. I wouldn't say he shows any of the normal red flags. I think his ex's are a bit weird, we have problems now with his ex wife, she's not reasonable. I've blocked her now coz she was messaging me all hours of the night slagging me off, I don't even know this woman?
I was with him through all doctors appointments about getting him signed as unfit for work. He really hasn't done anything wrong and I think that's why I'm struggling to understand why I feel like this today. No previous feelings like this. I just wondered if maybe I was having a bad day mentally and this was clouding my judgement? I just didn't know if anyone else has had this before. I think he's picked up on my offishness because he keeps asking if I'm ok and asked if I'm getting fed up with him being here all the time (which I'm not) I think he feels a bit useless? He's still trying to find jobs he can physically do from home, which is all very noble that he wants to work but on his off days it's not a good idea. I do care physically for him most days, shoes and socks, helping him up stairs, in and out of shower. I dunno if it's me being paranoid. My first boyfriend was an abusive controlling asshole and I've fucked up every relationship since. I guess I'm more worried coz have more to lose with this one. Just keep waiting for something to go wrong. I will look up what that word means, thanks. My previous posts on here weren't really about my relationship, they were about mental health and pregnancy etc. Thanks for your responses x

nousername01 Mon 04-Dec-17 17:05:50

Ravenmum - I've just looked it up and it does sound familiar. I feel like I'm in a daze most of the time. I think it might be to do with my way of coping with the mental health problems, they've definitely been worse since I've been pregnant. I also find I'm calmer. Like I'm quite a hot headed person, like I'm quite fiery. But lately I can't be bothered to even care. Stuff that would normally make my blood boil or road rage etc, just doesn't phase me at all which sounds great but it's not me. I just feel like I'm plodding on. The only thing I'm looking forward to is seeing my baby. But I can't help but feeling something will go wrong. I'm waiting for everything to come crashing down x

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