Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Affair & prostitutes

(19 Posts)
Jane60 Mon 04-Dec-17 12:21:55

Had a gut feeling something was wrong in our marriage for the last few years and recently started doing some digging (he was hiding phone, credit card bills, being oddly hostile to me etc). In the last few weeks OH has admitted to one affair which was quite a few years ago, but nothing else. I didn't believe him and kept digging and he finally confessed to having been using prostitutes for the last 3-4 years, at least 3 different ones. Anyone's marriage ever recovered from such a double blow? I have said I want to separate, but am all over the place and can't think straight.

Thinkingofausername1 Mon 04-Dec-17 12:47:54

Hi op. You must be quite shocked now!
First I recommend you get an sti check straight away. Then legal advice. Depending or not whether you want to stay in the relationship...

Myheartbelongsto Mon 04-Dec-17 13:51:59

Do you want it to recover?

I couldn't forgive that how grim.

Imagine him wiping his dick and then paying her and off home to you.

yetmorecrap Mon 04-Dec-17 14:03:05

I wish people wouldn’t feel the need to restate the grim facts in these kind of situations, I’m quite sure OP has thought of all that shit, she doesn’t need it reiterating

BitchQueen90 Mon 04-Dec-17 14:17:05

An affair is one thing, prostitutes is another. Anyone who thinks sex can be "bought" has no respect for women.

TheNaze73 Mon 04-Dec-17 14:21:32

To do that to you, he clearly isn’t happy & really doesn’t give a fuck.

Why would you want the marriage to recover? You’re worth more than that flowers

FizzyGreenWater Mon 04-Dec-17 14:46:15

No. No coming back from that one.

Woman-hating scum. Total bottom feeder.

Moanyoldcow Mon 04-Dec-17 15:43:35

I don't know if I could forgive an affair - I think I might want to try, but not sure I'd be able to.

Prostitutes? No fucking way.

Jane60 Tue 05-Dec-17 06:47:09

It is like my worst nightmare come true - he is full of remorse, but part of me thinks it's just because he has been caught. Such a shock, feel like I have been run over by a bus.

category12 Tue 05-Dec-17 07:39:08

No, I think that given time and space, you'll realise it's better to quit now. You won't ever be able to trust him again. This isn't a one off or being carried away, this is the thought out buying of sex.

overnightangel Tue 05-Dec-17 07:43:40

Premeditated behaviour that has been going on for 4 years, he isn’t sorry

user21 Tue 05-Dec-17 07:44:45

I’m so sorry Jane60 💐

Myheartbelongsto I called you out on another thread yesterday but you failed to acknowledge it or respond. Please stop making unnecessarily cruel comments veiled with concern.

overnightangel Tue 05-Dec-17 07:45:05

If you were dating someone and found out that they’d used prostitutes for years you wouldn’t carry on dating them or marry them, so why would you want to stay married to such a person.
Do you have any children?

jobjobjob Tue 05-Dec-17 07:52:09

OP I should imagine you are in total shock. You can't possibly know if you are prepared to move on.

Do take an STO test, it really is necessary.

Then ask home to move out while you begin to process what's happened.

Myheart, just stop with your cruel comments. You did it yesterday and were called on it. OP needs support not cruel comments.

Worldsworstcook Tue 05-Dec-17 08:00:11

Did he explain why he has been using these services? Not as an excuse of course but so you would know why he turned to them instraad of you.

cakecakecheese Tue 05-Dec-17 08:38:41

Sadly I think you're right, he's remorseful because he's been caught. As well as the affair and prostitutes, he's been lying to you, been hostile toward you, secretive etc, that's a lot to come back from. Also it's a lot to deal with, no wonder you can't think straight. Is he still at home with you? At the very least he needs to leave for a couple of days so you can try and get your thoughts together. I know it's hard but is there someone you can talk to about this?

ferando81 Tue 05-Dec-17 10:44:08

Forgiving what he has done is a green light to do worse.

rrf Tue 05-Dec-17 18:50:05

Been there. So sorry for you- started off admitting to 1/3/5 etc. Ended up being about 30. For me it’s the sneaking around. And the fact I was totally unaware it was going on, and feeling weirdly ashamed, even though I knew it wasn’t really my problem. Be aware that there might be more revelations to come. I’m sorry to say that, but I wish someone had told me to be prepared. Obviously, I hope I’m wrong for your sake x

Jane60 Tue 05-Dec-17 21:19:49

Thanks everyone who has taken the time to reply. I am going to be checked for STIs. He is a pillar of the community type, never ever would I have imagined this but then I guess everyone says that.

I was ill at the time of the affair, and the woman involved is a known predator - not much of an excuse.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now