We're virtually separated. I feel lonely and isolated. I spent a good weekend with my brother, DSIL and their children. The moment I got home the loneliness hit me twice as hard. I want their closeness and their team spirit/connection. The knot in my stomach and heart come back harder when I've been in their company. I love them all. I can't have children. I desperately want a family of my own. I don't know how to lift this feeling of not having what I want so very much. I analyse it a lot. Is it grief? Is it jealousy? Is it some biological need to care for and nuture. Yes its all of those. I don't know what to do. Feeling 'stuck' like this is horrible. Every night I want to get to sleep quickly so that the day ends but I wake up in the middle of the night and lay there thinking I need small people in my life. I need to feel wanted and feel loved. I don't get to be to one person that a child wants most in the world. I don;t feel like my husband likes me as he spends no time with me.
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