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Christmas cards arriving from XH's mates addressed to us both

(14 Posts)
NeverTimeForTea Mon 04-Dec-17 10:08:41

Been separated 2 and a half years and divorced over a year ago. My XH has a couple of old mates he used to be close to but contact had dwindled to a card at Christmas.

Cards arrived last year as usual and the first has arrived this year so he's obviously still not told them the situation.

What should I do?

I don't want them to keep arriving every year. It's not a huge deal but it irritates me and I feel like it's forcing me to still have to deal with his shit (wifework). Also, I have a new partner (who to be fair, probably doesn't give a flying f**k) but I would if it was the other way round.

I don't want to give them to XH and ask him to sort it out because he'll likely be all PA about it (divorce is all my fault in his eyes) and it gives him the power to not do anything about knowing it will continue to piss me off.

I have their addresses, would it be reasonable to drop them each a note explaining that XH and I are no longer together? I wouldn't give them his address without his consent, just a short factual note.

It seems the simplest way even if I am still 'dealing with his shit'.

limitedscreentime Mon 04-Dec-17 10:23:56

Just send them a Christmas card from you and your new man. They can contact your XH for the gory details.

cakecakecheese Mon 04-Dec-17 11:13:49

Return to sender with 'no longer at this address'.

Tinty Mon 04-Dec-17 11:17:32

Oh I like, limitedscreentime's idea, you could do the happy family christmas picture with you and your new dp. grin

ChristmasFOG Mon 04-Dec-17 11:21:46

Yes - drop them a note and tell them the situation and that he no longer lives there.

TheNaze73 Mon 04-Dec-17 11:28:49


RiotAndAlarum Mon 04-Dec-17 12:02:58

They're his friends, so those are his cards. Even if he gets all passive-aggressive, that's just one moment's work.

If he wants to keep his friends, he has to do some legwork. It would be a pity for him to lose his wife and friends as well!

SleepingStandingUp Mon 04-Dec-17 12:08:14

It would be a pity for him to lose his wife and friends as well!
Seriously? He's had 3 years to contact them, give them the low down on his terrible wife, give them a new address, blah blah blah. Instead he can't be arsed and the resulting cards have no impact on his life or in the friendships he's invested in. Its hardly like she's wotholding them or the friends addresses.

I would send a card off you and DP with a separate note saying sorry EX hasn't informed them but you split in 200X. Then if you see Ex hand cards overly and simply say oh I think these are for you. If you have no contact bin the cards

NeverTimeForTea Mon 04-Dec-17 12:22:57

I was tempted by 'nothing' but they'll keep on coming. Maybe I just need to not care.

I also thought of returning them but that seems a bit mean, they are addressed to us both and inside to us and the kids and the kids and I are still at this address.

So I guess it's nothing or a simple note.

CandiedPeach Mon 04-Dec-17 12:27:28

I’d send a card back from you and the kids with a added note saying, ex no longer lives there.

NeverTimeForTea Mon 04-Dec-17 12:28:19

Hadn't seen the last two posts before I posted.

As the cards are addressed to us both (and kids names inside) I don't think they're his. Last year I tried to give them to him but he didn't want them.

I quite like the suggestion of 'sorry XH hadn't informed them but...'

BarryTheKestrel Mon 04-Dec-17 12:33:38

I'd send a card back from you and the kids saying that you've split and he no longer lives there, if they'd like to send him a card they'd need to contact him for his address.

kaitlinktm Mon 04-Dec-17 12:36:55

Yes - I did this with (admittedly more distant) members of ExH's family whom he hadn't bothered telling, and neither apparently had his closer family.

I kept the card and sent them a card and note with a very factual explanation -something like "Thanks very much for your card. I had presumed Ex would have already informed you but he and I separated in 2015 and he is living at ... with Y. Hope you have a lovely Christmas etc"

His family then sent just me cards the following year but I have to admit I couldn't face keeping in touch with people I hardly knew so I didn't reciprocate and they didn't bother the year after.

SleepingStandingUp Mon 04-Dec-17 13:08:40

Card back
Note saying he doesn't live is here
Bin cards

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