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Was IBU to be upset and annoyed?

(41 Posts)
Choccywoccydoo10 Mon 04-Dec-17 10:07:33

Me and DP live separately. He's my DS dad. We split last year and got back together but not living together again.

I have some kind of bug. Feel so sick, stomach cramps. Tired. I'm not in a good way. Anyway DP said we could go to his last night so he could help look after DS. Was really grateful for it. He has a day off work today and he could see I weren't any better and the pain I was in. But he was trying to rush us out his place. He said he had alot to do e.g. tidy. I know he prob won't and just sit on his sofa. So was IBU to be upset he didn't want to help me today while I'm still quite ill?

CheapSausagesAndSpam Mon 04-Dec-17 10:32:30

Why are you with him? That's not the behaviour of a partner at all!

Choccywoccydoo10 Mon 04-Dec-17 10:49:41

I've been questioning this the past few weeks. He's so unsupportive it's unbelievable. If this was the other way around he would demand I help him.

SleepingStandingUp Mon 04-Dec-17 10:52:42

How old is DS? I'd call and tell him you really can't look after DS and he needs to fetch him.

CheapSausagesAndSpam Mon 04-Dec-17 10:52:47

Is there a reason you're not living together?

SleepingStandingUp Mon 04-Dec-17 10:53:57

The Craft

after the movie...

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 04-Dec-17 10:54:28

You shouldn’t have to be grateful for that, it should be normal. I would not have budged whatever he was trying to do. Hand over ds and go back to bed.

TrojansAreSmegheads Mon 04-Dec-17 10:58:42

not at all.
the very least he could do is look after his child for the day!
he is a pretty crap parent tbh.

Choccywoccydoo10 Mon 04-Dec-17 11:02:33

I've made a bit of a fuss and he's calling me selfish and ungrateful. Saying he guesses he will have to come get him but won't have him tomorrow night now if he does. He's also got some work to do on this course he signed up for to help 'change'. He hasn't done it all week which isn't my fault and now he's saying he has so much to catch up on and now he can't because he would have to get out D'S. Who is 17 months.

We separated and only started trying again In July so we were taking it slow and didn't want to move back in together until we knew it was right.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Mon 04-Dec-17 11:18:23

He sounds like an arse.

He should be helping to look after his son whether you're ill or not.

he guesses he will have to come get him but won't have him tomorrow night now if he does

Sod that, tell him to man up and be a parent. Really wouldn't move in with him again, and would seriously reconsider the relationship altogether.

Does he have any redeeming qualities?

RagingFemininist Mon 04-Dec-17 11:22:53

Sorry he is arse.
He is still putting himsel first and doesn’t see HIS own dc as his responsibility. Only yours. And helping once in a blue moon is making him a great guy.
He also acts as if he doesn’t care about you at all. And as if you and his dc are an inconvenience to his life.
And he is taking you for granted.

Are you sure that being together is a great idea? I mean he should be in a phase where he is trying his hardest. If this is trying his hardest, I’m really wondering how he is when he doesn’t....

TrojansAreSmegheads Mon 04-Dec-17 11:27:41

well. at least he has proven it is not and never will be right because he simply doesnt have your back.

Angelf1sh Mon 04-Dec-17 11:32:32

What possible justification can he have to not look after his own child when you’re ill? I’d seriously be questioning this relationship if I were you, it looks to me like your original split was for good reason.

Choccywoccydoo10 Mon 04-Dec-17 11:45:16

I said to him im not being made to feel bad for being ill. This was his reply:
"I do way more than any other Dad I know including the ones who are with their kids so before you start your bullshit again I suggest you think about what you’re saying".

Clearly hasn't changed and he knows he's unsupportive because I got a quick glance at his course sheet and it said be more supportive of partner because I'm normally Not!

TrojansAreSmegheads Mon 04-Dec-17 11:46:32

clearly he only knows other crap fathers.

SleepingStandingUp Mon 04-Dec-17 11:47:46

So what does he actually do OP and we can give some persepctove on how little he really does

MorrisZapp Mon 04-Dec-17 11:49:45

He won't look after his own kid when you're ill? He's disgusting. Don't waste another breath on him.

AtrociousCircumstance Mon 04-Dec-17 11:51:52

Wow. What a breathtaking arsehole. Dump him.

Choccywoccydoo10 Mon 04-Dec-17 12:06:31

He has him 3 nights 1 week and 2 the other. And every othwr weekend. When it's his nights I always go over and he cooks us tea. However when it's my nights he doesn't come over or when he does I feel like he doesn't want to be here. We also spend every Sunday together as a family.
I'm just so fed up, he's unsupportive, moody. Has nothing nice to say. He's saying he's depressed but I've tried giving advice and he doesn't listen. I can't physically pull him out of depression.
In another 1 or his sheets I saw it says he loves an excuse. So he knows his faults.

SleepingStandingUp Mon 04-Dec-17 12:15:01

So he has him 7 nights a fortnights but actually you're there to help entertain son, feed son etc. Do you sleep over those nights or leave home there?

On the other 7 you are lone parenting.

So he isn't actually doing half? You do all the nursery / day time childcare? Fetching and bringing? Clothes shopping? Does he still have him when DS is poorly?

My point is he DOES do more than SOME dads but then some dads are shit. He also does LESS than many good, involved, responsible kids.

He should WANT to have has son for an extra sneaky night not tout up how many extra hours ""childcare"" he has ""done for you"" and deduct it from his fortnightly offer!

Choccywoccydoo10 Mon 04-Dec-17 18:19:48

No he has him 5 nights every fortnight. He has him now but made me feel bad about it. Just sick of it now if I'm honest.
I know what it's going to be like when I leave again. No doubt there will be some form of him feeling suicidal, I'm horrible. Splitting the family up etc.

inthenameotheweeman Mon 04-Dec-17 18:30:43

There’s no family to split. That’s not how a family functions.

OhNoOhNo Mon 04-Dec-17 20:10:44

The suicide threat is just that...a threat. He won't commit suicide, don't let him guilt trip you.

Leave hom before you get further entangled by moving in with him.

tallwivglasses Mon 04-Dec-17 21:52:26

He's showing you who he is. He's the most important thing in his life - not his child, and certainly not you. Do you really think he's capable of change? He'd have to do a lot of growing up first. Personally I couldn't be arsed to wait around to find out.

Cabininthewoods69 Mon 04-Dec-17 22:14:25

I feel for you and I think you did the right thing trying again, just to prove to yourself he's a wally. I hope you feel better soon and get rid of this prat

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