Just need to vent :(

[Positivelypeachy]

Don't know why I'm writing this. Just looking for someone to tell me it gets better and it's going to be ok I suppose.

I wrote a few days ago about leaving "d"h a year ago due to alcohol (since found out it's drugs too) thinking it would give a kick up the arse to change for his kids. It's made him 20x worse. He hasn't been a father at all, doesn't provide, contribute or even turn up when we have made arrangements.
I've stopped contact till he can be a good role model to my children. He has since told me he taken an overdose and will keep doing it, last night he hacked into my Facebook and emails and read some stuff which was pretty personal to me (I'm trying to find relatives) and goaded me, then accused me of sleeping with numerous men. (I haven't and wouldn't) and basically just keeps draining the life out of me. I'm scared phoning the police will tip him over the edge and he will harm himself or us.

On top of this I just feel so down and miserable. My kids are my world and I love them with my heart and would kill for them. But right now I can't afford to go to work till next year as childcare would cost too much and it wouldn't be worth it, the only person who I would trust with my youngest is my mum and she works full time (who massively helps us when she can).
I'm awake at night worrying about money. I spent all my savings on my kids xmas presents so I knew at least they would be sorted. But everyone else I haven't got a fucking clue how I'm going to afford it. Yet I know their dad is making thousands (not claiming it) and blowing it all in a weekend.

I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself and probably being a drama queen, so apologies! I know people have it much worse. I just feel like I need a break and constantly feel anxious.
I don't know why I've wrote this just needed to get it out I think.
Adulthood sucks!

[Lefty1]

I'm really sorry you're going through this peachy :( have you tried getting your ex husband support in terms of an abuse /rehab centre? I know he is behaving utterly recklessly but if he can sort himself out then maybe this may ease things?

In terms of Xmas presents for others ( as you say you sorted your kids out) I wouldn't bother, I'd explain it's been a difficult year and you've had to cut your cloth . I really doubt anyone who truly cared for you would think bad of you for this . Alternatively you could make them a cake/treats of some kind ...Christmas is the season for stuffing your face after all, it's relatively cheap and is personal.

Really hope you see light at the end of the tunnel soon xxx