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How did you know?

(14 Posts)
NickyNora Sun 03-Dec-17 23:50:36

How did you know your relationship was over?fsad

Bit of background, been with dp 18 years. Really rough few years.

I just seem to nag, moan, be disappointed, repeat. I hate the way I am with him.
Hes very passive aggressive, lazy & can't/won't communicate.

4dc. He has no family, few friends. I feel guilty that he'll be on his own.

But I'm not happy & nor is he. I hate the idea of another 18 years like this.

Never married...

NickyNora Mon 04-Dec-17 00:05:46

Or did anyone split with along term partner & later regret it?

LadyB49 Mon 04-Dec-17 00:10:04

i split after 22 years and never regretted it.
Wasnt easy but worth it.
One 18 d's was at uni But lived with me. Two years later i met someone else. That was 20 years ago and all still great.

Lollipop30 Mon 04-Dec-17 00:17:50

We were like this about 8yrs in.

It got too much and I broke I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I felt like I was going through the motions of life. My biggest thing was he seemed to have no ambition. Whilst I was working my way up through work and saving like crazy to move he would just moan about his job but never do anything to change it.

We split up, things were pretty horrific but in the long run it’s been the best thing ever for us. My life continued much like normal (although harder with the pain of splitting with someone you’ve been with for so long), his however altered drastically. He actually had to take responsibility for himself, I hadn’t realised how much I’d been carrying him. He retrained and started a new career, paid off all his debts and became much more attentive to DC. I’m not sure at what point we got back together, I still loved him I just couldn’t stand him before.

Now, things are great he’s got a lot more self esteem and is more helpful and brilliant with the kids. It was like he had to lose everything for a wake up call

NickyNora Mon 04-Dec-17 00:21:59

I wonder if i love my dp. I don't respect him. I suppose i can say i don't hate him all the time.

nowt Mon 04-Dec-17 00:30:58

If you don’t respect him then you can’t love him. They kinda go together, respect is a prerequisite for love.

Lollipop30 Mon 04-Dec-17 00:36:53

Not necessarily I don’t think. I knew I loved him but I had lost all respect for him by that point.

NickyNora Mon 04-Dec-17 00:39:35

I don't agree nowt .

But without respect i don't think our relationship can continue.

Myheartbelongsto Mon 04-Dec-17 05:59:59

When he made my skin crawl every time he came near me.

IDismyname Mon 04-Dec-17 06:10:22

I would suggest some counselling. Maybe just for yourself. It's working well for me and my marriage. Giving me a chance to analyse my behaviour and DHs, too.

Boredboredboredboredbored Mon 04-Dec-17 06:12:44

16 years for me. I knew as sex was gone, no affection, no respect, simmering resentment and bickering. We went on holiday last summer and I came home knowing it was over. It's been 15 months now and I haven't regretted it for a single second. Our dc 13 & 14 have been absolutely fine.

Joysmum Mon 04-Dec-17 07:23:42

I thought my marriage was over when I stopped having hope anything would change and realised I was more worried about the practicalities of my future than being sad about what I was leaving behind.

(As it was he then broke down and confessed he’d gone cook turkey on his antidepressants. Thank god otherwise we’d be separated now).

hellsbellsmelons Mon 04-Dec-17 09:48:11

When I found out he was cheating.
But this is not so cut and dried.
How old are the DC?
Could you leave and co-parent well together but apart?
Could you afford to live separately?
The love has gone.
It's highly unlike to return unless you are both prepared to do a lot of work.
Would he agree to counselling?

nowt Mon 04-Dec-17 11:17:02

But without respect i don't think our relationship can continue.

That’s certainly true. But I don’t understand - what does love without respect look/feel like? I can’t imagine it.

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