I had an ex who put me down continually. He started off nice and loving and then gradually withdrew. He refused to hold my hand. Would hold his arm above his head and laugh while I cried. He told a guy at a market stall that he should go out with me instead of him when the guy agreed with me about a film I liked. He would sit in the same room as me in silence for hours. Would accuse me of mauling him when I touched him. He got me sweeping leaves up outside his house with a dust pan and brush. I only saw him once a week and I would do anything to be near him. He criticised my house constantly, but would do jobs, so I felt dependent on him. I needed him to fix my awful house. We had a sex game that involved him sleeping with other women and telling me about it. I pretended I liked it and a weird part of me got a mock out of him degrading me. We did some bdsm stuff but I told him it actually felt abusive. He said 'ok.' Eventually I was able to get away. But now, even a year later, I think about it every single day. I'm scared to date and I feel very fragile. I feel like I'm traumatised still. I don't know how to move on.
Yes I feel like I can't date. I've tried, even had a short relationship. But I'm not ready. I still feel angry at him for what he did. He won't even think he's done anything wrong. I have met some lovely men, but I just don't want anyone near me right now.
Therapy if you can afford it or seek some counselling through your GP. Also read - research emotional abuse and the childhood causes of bad relationships and read and read. Empower yourself.
You will be ok. You will come through with a greater understanding and never allow anyone else to treat you like this.
It’s good to acknowledge how traumatic and fucking abysmal the actions of others can be, and start to ask questions about why you put up with it (usually rooted in family stuff). And then move towards a position where you have expressed it, named it, and know you won’t stand for it again.
I feel like eventually the trauma might go. I just wanted to know that it was normal for it to still be there a year later. I don't want counselling, I really don't. Not sure why, but it doesn't feel right. I know it helps a lot of people though.
And I don't need the freedom programme, I won't end up in this kind of relationship again. But I wouldn't mind doing some self help type things.
There was abuse in my childhood a d I didn't have good models of relationships. I love reading, so I'll read and read. I feel very protective of myself at the moment. My boundaries are high. I just hope that one day I'll feel neutral about him.