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I'm struggling - don't know what to do

(7 Posts)
strawberrykiss36 Sun 03-Dec-17 13:18:29

I don't really know why I'm posting. I think i just need to write down my thoughts, so it's okay if no-one responds.

I'm really struggling with my MH at the moment. I'm stuck in a town I hate, with no friends, a relationship on the rocks and no money.

Been with DP for 7 years, have DD (2). Relationship was always good apart from when he got drunk - only occasionally but was horrible (verbally abusive) so stopped drinking. Since having DD things have been difficult. Doesn't pull his weight around the house, never helped during the night as I BF so had 9 months of disturbed sleep on my own. Not particularly supportive, doesn't look after Dd when I ask so I can work (in the mornings) as I'm self employed. Last argument he tells me my business will never go anywhere and I don't live in the real world (have supportive family who help me occasionally financially). So many arguments and put downs over the years that I'm struggling to forget. I've received the same off his parents too, both of who seem to think you should be able to say what you want to someone, no matter how degrading and upsetting and you should just move on afterwards.

After having DD, the first of all my "friends", they've all disappeared. Only one really ever contacts me to see how we are and that's months at a time. When we message she gives up after a few lines back and forth. Only good friend I have doesn't live in the UK anymore. My dad died this year (who I never really knew and only saw 3 times that I can remember) but it really upset me - thinking about the relationship we should have had. All of them knew but only 1 even bothered go contact me.

And I'm stuck in a town that I hate (due to DP dad being terminally ill and needing care off DP) which is an absolute dump, there's never anything to do or anywhere nice to go, not that I'd even really be able to do anything without getting myself into debt.

I feel like I've put so much of myself on hold when having DD, supporting DP with his work and FIL, and ive lost myself. I feel miserable most days and anxious to leave the house with DS (especially as I'd be along and DS doesn't behave very well in public). I spend my days looking after DD, cleaning up after everyone (there seems to be a never ending pile of dishes, washing and mess that no-one else helps with) and working in spare time just to be able to afford my rent, bills and food.

Sorry if this is rambly and makes no sense.

Snugglyboots Sun 03-Dec-17 13:24:24

I guess you need to seriously think about why you're with someone who shows you zero respect. Is he ever nice to you?

Snugglyboots Sun 03-Dec-17 13:25:25

Do you have a DS too?

strawberrykiss36 Sun 03-Dec-17 13:30:49

No - sorry, typo! Don't know how that's happened confused we just have one DD.

He isn't really. We barely even spend any he with each other. He's in one room and I'm in the other. There's just a stupid part of me that keeps remembering what he used to be like (we were friends for 4 years before getting together too).

Snugglyboots Sun 03-Dec-17 15:08:06

It must be quite lonely for you especially if you can't go out with DD. Do you have family nearby? Does your 'D' P share his earnings ( notice you seem to be responsible for rent and bills?)

strawberrykiss36 Sun 03-Dec-17 16:09:46

Thanks for your replies. I can go out with her, I have my own car, I guess it's just the years of emotional abuse and being told you're a useless person have heightened my anxiety.

He works full time whereas I work part time around DD so earn probably 50-60% of what he does. We split rent and bills about 60-40 (he pays a bit more than me)

Our last argument was on Thursday (me trying to get him out of bed so I can work at about 8.30am) and he flipped out. He works late and I know he's stressed with his dad but I still need to work. He got in my face shoved me around and tried to break my phone as I was trying to ring my mum (she lives an hour away) and I can't get that image of him trying to snap my phone out of my head. He keeps telling me I should forgive and forget and half of me wants to because our DD thinks the absolute world of him, half of me knows I can't do either of those things.

MatildaTheCat Sun 03-Dec-17 17:08:45

*Stawberry, your last post puts an entirely different spin on the situation. Your partner is physically and emotionally abusing you. There is only one level of tolerance for this: none whatsoever.

He has killed this relationship. Unfortunately you need to forget the lovely man you thought you had and get on and deal with the one you actually have. A nasty, inconsiderate bully.

Get some advice on your best way forward and plan to leave. I would also call the police when you can and logbthe incident of him pushing you around. That’s assault.

Plan carefully and keep safe. You can escape from this and have a great life again.

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