Ok, bit of back story. Divorced last year. Two children 5 and 7. I've been seeing a guy for about 4 months. All going well. He seems lovely.
An argument over something trivial turned nasty on Thursday evening. Now, I know people say harsh things but one of the things he said to me I cannot stop going round my head. He told me 'he understands why my ExH cannot stand my guts as I'm a fcking nagging B2%tch" - to say I was shocked was an understatement. In fact I think I'm still in shock. Its triggered all sorts of emotions in me. Maybe I was responsible for the divorce (he left me, wouldn't go to counselling - knew I wanted to stay together). Now what makes it worse, we kissed and made up. He apologised. We talked about the things he said and I asked whether he said them in anger. He said he was sorry, but he could see bits of my personality that would drive anyone away.
I'm devastated and feel like I'm slipping back into a depression I worked bloody hard to crawl out of when my ExH left. Im not sure what to do about DP. Maybe he has nothing to be sorry for: if that's who I am. He just wants to forget it. But I cant. I am just pretending im ok, whilst I try and figure out what I should do. Does anyone have any advice, as I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this,
Yes. Dump him immediately. That is not within the bounds of a normal argument. Nor is his subsequent "apology"
Thankfully you dont really know him and have no ties (like children etc) which wpuld mean you might feel an obligation to have to put up with this. Thank your lucky stars he's had no access to your DCs to speak to them like this
'The bits of your personality that would drive people away' did he say what he meant by that? Had you said something in anger to him to get that response? Did you have counselling yourself at the end of your marriage because it sounds like you're still dealing with the fallout of that. Perhaps this isn't the right time for a new relationship just yet especially not one that can leave you feeling like this so soon into it.
He said he was sorry, but he could see bits of my personality that would drive anyone away that's not an apology.
We all say things in the heat of the moment that we wish we hadn't, some of which may have nuggets of truth, some of which we just know will push the other person's buttons if they're being awful to us.
The key is in how he has characterised it afterwards - this was not just something said in anger, something he knew would upset you, or even something that secretly he feels about you, but knows he shouldn't have said.
He's actually defended this bollocks and thinks you will now continue a relationship with him, knowing that apparently you have traits that will drive him away!
He told me 'he understands why my ExH cannot stand my guts as I'm a fcking nagging B2%tch" it's just awful, Insanity.
Bin him off, it's early days, you can do better. xx
He is a shit example of a boyfriend, he was never a DP let alone a partner.
You cannot be in a relationship with this man any longer, this should be your line in the sand now. His comments and that in particular re your personality screams red flag; many abusive men often have "crazy" ex's and blame everyone else but their own selves. I would text him and state that you no longer wish to see him from today.
I would also suggest you enrol yourself on to the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid. Men like this one of 4 months in and your ex partner can wreak havoc on boundaries in relationships and yours may need some more work on.