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No trust. Hormones are a bitch

(15 Posts)
Nipplesunited Sun 03-Dec-17 10:06:08

I have trust issues to begin with but i was getting there. My partner helped knock my trust levels through stupid lies, but has put so much effort in trying to help rebuild it.
Since pregnancy though my trust is shot. Im so insecure.

He messaged one of his good friends telling her the news of me being pregnant. They were arranging a catch up with him, her and this other girl. All good friends.

Because i wasnt telling anybody about the pregnancy at the time, he lied about that and claimed she had messaged him telling him about his old work inviting him out etc.
There was a lot of lies until he finally told the truth. He thought id be upset about him telling her i was pregnant, but never asked me. Now im upset since hes made arrangements for a meal with this person and another and lied about it.
I jumped to the conclusion of cheating even though i know he wouldnt and he has assured me they are just friends etc.

He said he wouldnt go but when ive pushed him away a few weeks latwr and broke up with him,he has gone back to rearrange.

Understand theres nothing wrong with meeting friends, its just the way he has gone about it that has made me feel uneasy and now i cant shake the insecurities! Its affecting our relationship and i dont know what to do. I want to just let it go but i cant

tribpot Sun 03-Dec-17 10:22:51

Your reaction is not irrational. It's based on previous experience. I don't see how you can say that he's put so much effort into rebuilding trust when he seems to have gone to an awful lot of trouble to cover up this meeting and the reason why it was happening.

Why not just take a breather - you've broken up with him and so presumably you're not living in the same house? Take a couple of months and see how you feel.

Nipplesunited Sun 03-Dec-17 11:00:50

We have just recently sorted it out. Lastnight was the first time he had came over since sorting it and he gets a text from her agreeing with the arrangements and stuff.

He thinks im convinced he is cheating or is going to cheat, when its not that. It is the lies. Right now its because he had said he wasnt going to go, but as soon as im out the picture he rearranged it. I probably wouldnt have found out if it wasnt for the message lastnight.

He has said again that he wont go if i dont want him to but then thats just me being a controlling person and i dont want to be like that. I hate how all of this is making me feel.

Nipplesunited Sun 03-Dec-17 16:10:35

Any advice on what to do?

Nipplesunited Sun 03-Dec-17 16:11:31

I know take a breather was mentioned but i dont think that would help. It would probably just make me worse in all honesty

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sun 03-Dec-17 16:13:52

Advice? Leave this relationship. It is bad for you, bad for him and thus will be bad for your child.

Nipplesunited Sun 03-Dec-17 16:17:18

That is what i thought. Then i think what if it is just hormones

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sun 03-Dec-17 16:27:21

What is happening with his hormones that would make him lie to you repeatedly?

Nipplesunited Sun 03-Dec-17 16:31:34

That is a good question!
Its so difficult as i love him to bits and he does me. Even his mother has chimed in to say he loves me to bits.

It just doeant change the fact i am struggling to cope with all of this.

The only way i see me being at ease (slightly) is if he doesnt go. Only then would i be eaten with guilt over being controlling? Ahhhhhh

tribpot Sun 03-Dec-17 17:14:18

This one meet-up isn't the problem, though - you've said it yourself. The problem is him repeatedly lying. What is his answer to how he can (again) start to rebuild your trust? He seems to be dodging this question in favour of making it all about this one night out.

Why would taking a breather not help? You've got more important stuff to focus on whilst you're pregnant - yourself, your health, having a stress-free home.

BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried Sun 03-Dec-17 17:17:40

How on earth can you hormones make him lie? confused that’s all on him!!

Nipplesunited Sun 03-Dec-17 17:45:03

I was thinking my hormones were causing me to overreact about this meet up.

He has said in order to help rebuild my trust that he will not meet them. He suggested that i could go with him at a later date, or not at all. Whatever i am comfortable with.

He has also said that i know his password for his phone and im more than welcome to go on it and read his messages if and when i want. I wont as im not like that, but he doesnt know that and he is trying i suppose.

He has swore that he will not lie to me again and he realises my lack of trust is all on him.

QuiteLikely5 Sun 03-Dec-17 17:55:12

I would let him go. I mean you’ve never said he’s cheating on you.

Has he told various other lies to you prior to this?

Nipplesunited Sun 03-Dec-17 18:03:45

No hes not cheating on me and i dont believe he ever would.
The lies have all been absolutely stupid, but im not the type who can deal with lies and so its really bothered me and had an impact on my trust.

I believe the previous lies were to big himself up to look good to me. The one with the meeting of the friends and how he thought id be upset about him telling her i was pregnant - i believe.

I just know that without trust, there isnt much. This last lie was just the tip of the iceberg for me.

It will take a lot on his part to help rebuild the trust and he seems really willing to do it.

Everything else in the relationship is great. Without those stupid lies, there would be no faults to be honest. We get on brilliantly, we just click. Which is why i find the idea of breaking up so difficult.

tribpot Sun 03-Dec-17 18:40:06

Normally a couple agrees when they want to tell people. It might be that they only tell family before 12 weeks, it might be no-one before 12 weeks. He doesn't seem particularly contrite about having gone back on your agreement not to tell anyone, and is making out his lies were simply the inevitable consequence of that.

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